Does she have to be the most Beautifull girl to me if i love her to bits?

LegacyUser

This has me somewhat devastated.

Last night my self and my girlfriend had a chat, till 3-4 in the morning actually, and as of now its up in the air if we are still going out or not.

I really do love her, care for her and think she is beautifull. The problem is she is of the opinion that when you go out with someone they should think the other person is the most beautifull person (in the world) to them.

As i said i love her to bits and wouldn't have her any other way. I wish i had kept my mouth shut. I'm feeling really bad over it, as if i let her down or something.

We both love spending time with each other and she said she might change her mind.

Is it really important that i think she is the most beautifull?

justsomebloke

god no, there are better looking girls out then then my girlfriend however as a complete package nobody comes close, and vice versa if my girlfriend thought I was the most beautiful male on the planet I would have to break up with her for the simple fact that she would have mental issue far bigger then I could handle

fits

DEVA wrote:

Is it really important that i think she is the most beautifull?

oh yawn...
She sounds attention seeking to me...

Crea

That's a bit crackers to be honest. She sounds very insecure.
Does she honestly think that you're better looking than George Clooney, Brad Pitt, Dr. McDreamy? If so PM me with your number (Joking).
It sounds like she thinks you will compare her to other women in the looks dept so reassure her that you don't do this. Expecting you to tell her that she's more beautiful than Charlize Theron is a pretty big ask and a bit mental.

seamus

It's really important that you think she's the best (otherwise you would go out with someone that you thought was better), but you can't think she's the most beautiful. That's just lying. As said above - she should be the best "complete package" in the world to you. Physical attractiveness is only a ribbon on that package, it shouldn't make all that much of a difference.

You will find other women attractive. You will notice that some women are more attractive (physically) than your girlfriend. You don't tell her that you think someone is better looking than she is, but you also don't feed her delusions by telling her that she's the most magnificent creature you ever clapped eyes on (unless you're trying to romance her).

It's insecurity. In her head, if you're saying, "Well you're not the *most* beautiful girl in the world, but jaysus you're hot", then in her head she's saying, "OMG! What if a more beautiful girl comes along, he'll just run off, and then I'm left alone."

So to answer your question, no. She's being unreasonable and insecure.

Dragan

As JSB said, there are better looking people than him out there......oh wait....thats not what this is about at all!

OP, beauty is more than just how someone looks. To me, my girl is the most beautiful person i have ever met, for all the reasons that make me feel for her the way i do. It sounds to me like your girlfriend may be a small bit insecure in her looks, and might need you to offer a bit of support at times when her self esteem may be a bit low?

justsomebloke

Dragan wrote:

To me, my girl is the most beautiful person i have ever met, for all the reasons that make me feel for her the way i do. It sounds to me like your girlfriend may be a small bit insecure in her looks, and might need you to offer a bit of support at times when her self esteem may be a bit low?

Oh I can't wait to see you 2 after 9 years and see if you are still giving lovie dovie answers then

LegacyUser

I think most of you are right about her being insecure about her looks, i have noticed this myself over time. She really is in no way ugly.

To get her back (or not loose her) what should i do? How do i make her see that she is the one and how to make her feel more secure?

py2006

Oh my god, thats the craziest thing I have ever heard. I assume she will come to her senses soon. I assume she is like 16???

It reminds me of girl my mate went out with a good few years ago! She made him remove any album cover he had that had a hot girl on it! Because "he didn't need them now that he was with her!" :rolleyes:

py2006

DEVA wrote:

I think most of you are right about her being insecure about her looks, i have noticed this myself over time. She really is in no way ugly.

To get her back (or not loose her) what should i do? How do i make her see that she is the one and how to make her feel more secure?

All you can do is say it to her. Exactly like the way you are tellings us! If thats not good enough for her then find yourself a woman who does appreciate it. There are lots out there.

Marksie

DEVA wrote:

To get her back (or not loose her) what should i do? How do i make her see that she is the one and how to make her feel more secure?

To be honest, there is not a lot you can do. She knows you are lying if you say that she is the most "beautiful", it is her insecurity that is causing this.

All you can do is say that you aren't interested in anyone else as she is the one for you.

TBH this will be a recurrent issue unless she sorts her own self esteem issues out. The constant need for verification is not a good sign.

She is hurting you for no reason, you can tell her that.
If after all she continues in this vein well its her mistake to have lost you

G&T

Explain to her that you think honesty is very important in a relationship.
Tell her you didn't want to feed her cheesy lines, that what you said was not ment to hurt.
You wanted to show you were not shallow and all about appearances,
that your crazy about her, inside and out.

dodgyme

any of ye dumb bast*rds ever heard of shakespeare?

My mistress' eyes are nothing like the sun;
Coral is far more red than her lips' red;
If snow be white, why then her breasts are dun;
If hairs be wires, black wires grow on her head.
I have seen roses damasked, red and white,
But no such roses see I in her cheeks;
And in some perfumes is there more delight
Than in the breath that from my mistress reeks.
I love to hear her speak, yet well I know
That music hath a far more pleasing sound;
I grant I never saw a goddess go;
My mistress when she walks treads on the ground.
And yet, by heaven, I think my love as rare
As any she belied with false compare.

Marksie

Dodgyme: Yes we have

Have you ever heard of the charter as regards abuse?

If you haven't then please read it.

LegacyUser

OP, it's understandable what your GF is saying, but it is immature.

I can't remember where but this addage comes to mind "show me the most beautiful woman in the world and i'll show you a man whos tired of having sex with her"

It's true, the more you are with someone the more accustomed you will become to their appearance and the less exciting it will be to you. But what keeps you together is the companionship, trust, love and understanding you share. I know I couldn't live without my other half, but I certainly am not naive to think she is the most beautiful person alive. The problem really is that the english language only has one word for love, which can be confusing when trying to express it to a partner, try and explain that the "Eros" (physical attraction) part of love will fade somewhat over time, but the "Agapē" (being content with someone) love will never stop increasing. It is this love that will keep you together, if your GF thinks that Eros is the most important type of love you need to explain to her that its not.

Try to do this by starting with telling her that you yourself accept that she will not always find you the most attractive but you will still love her regardless.

fits

dodgyme wrote:

any of ye dumb bast*rds ever heard of shakespeare?

My mistress' eyes are nothing like the sun;
Coral is far more red than her lips' red;
If snow be white, why then her breasts are dun;
If hairs be wires, black wires grow on her head.
I have seen roses damasked, red and white,
But no such roses see I in her cheeks;
And in some perfumes is there more delight
Than in the breath that from my mistress reeks.
I love to hear her speak, yet well I know
That music hath a far more pleasing sound;
I grant I never saw a goddess go;
My mistress when she walks treads on the ground.
And yet, by heaven, I think my love as rare
As any she belied with false compare.

very good, whats it from?

OPs girlfriend sounds wildly immature to me...

Anti

fits wrote:

oh yawn...
She sounds attention seeking to me...

Have to agree.

Marksie

fits wrote:

very good, whats it from?

OPs girlfriend sounds wildly immature to me...

Sonnet 130.

Depends whether you believe he is expressing love for the "imperfect" woman, or takling the p*ss out of teh other poets of the time

Zulu

I'd explain to her that attention seeking is a very unattractive triat in a partner.

milkerman

Your GF sounds one step short of ' Mirror Mirror on the wall, who is the fairest of them all?'
TBH she is (a) Seriously Immature, or (b) Shallow, or (c) deluded, or (d) has serious lack of self esteem, or (e) taking the pi**.
You know your own situation best. Your love for her will be seriously strained in time if you have to continuously prop up her self esteem, neediness is a turn off in any relationship.
I look back at photos taken when I was around 20, I am not ashamed to say I was a good looking young man. I look at myself now and tbh I look like a sack of sh**e tied in the middle with a rope, my wife is still with me though. Her ass does look big in jeans now where once it could mesmerise me. We are still together.
Beauty is fleeting at best, you cant build a life on it.

sillymoo2007

py2006 wrote:

It reminds me of girl my mate went out with a good few years ago! She made him remove any album cover he had that had a hot girl on it! Because "he didn't need them now that he was with her!" :rolleyes:

Omg get the vet theres a bunny boiler on the loose

fits

Marksie wrote:

Sonnet 130.

Depends whether you believe he is expressing love for the "imperfect" woman, or takling the p*ss out of teh other poets of the time

Either way its still very good:D

K-9

milkerman wrote:

TBH she is (a) Seriously Immature, or (b) Shallow, or (c) deluded, or (d) has serious lack of self esteem, or (e) taking the pi**.

Any/all of these is not good.

And can you afford the plastic surgery for you and her in the future?

sillymoo2007 wrote:

Omg get the vet theres a bunny boiler on the loose

Classic.

bolliwoodi

god no- i adore my fella but hes not the best looking guy to me- though hes the only 1 that gives me butterflies thats all that matters

Chrissie

It's crazy to expect that regardless of all the absolutely stunning women in the world, that your partner would think your prettier. That's just stupid!!!
But, what EXACTLY did you say op?

The reason why I ask is this:
(Not exactly the same, but similar)

If you ask me my opinion, I'd say I'm a pretty ordinary looking girl. I'm defo not ugly, but no stunner either. I do get told I'm very pretty regularly when I'm out by strangers, but a bit of makeup does wonders.

Anyhow, the point of that was:- I'm under no illusion that there are many many other women out there who are FAR better looking than me, & anyone & everyone, including my bf would be able to see that.
That's no big deal.
But my bf once said something to me which hurt me alot.
(That's why I'm questioning your tact)

He was trying to give me a compliment (btw!!!)

He told me (without being asked), that he used to go out with an absolute stunner, FAR better looking than me, but that he'd rather be with me.

Those are almost his exact words. Though I did get what he was trying to say, it was still a bit cutting. I don't know, like he could get & has got far better, but I'm funnier, or something.
The hurtful part was 'Far better looking than you'

I know (like I said) there are plenty FAR better looking than me, I just don't need to know that my partner has been with them, & have it rubbed in my face that I'm not quite up to scratch in that department

It was by no means a near dumpable offence though.

So, what exactly did YOU say?

Shanda

Its sounds like she's just insecure to me, which doesn't mean she is imature. she might just be going through a rough patch of it at the moment and it might not carry on like that. It'd be nice if you did something speciel to cheer her up and make her feel confident in the relationship again.

ptashka

The post above is definitely true!!

OP's gf might be immature, but I do sympathise with her a little bit:

I am confident, quite mature ( in my eyes, mind ya) about relationships and wouldn't call myself ugly...But, going out with a fella that really rocks my world, and lately catching meself a little insecure about his past girlfriends. And there is absolutely no way I should be - as in my brain tells me, cop on, what are you like, he wouldn't be with you otherwise; but there is still something in me that wants to blank it out...

Insecurities are alright, as long as they are controlled to an extent

Ickle Magoo

DEVA wrote:

Is it really important that i think she is the most beautifull?

Let me get this right...she ditched you because you didn't say she was the most beautiful girl in the world but she says she might change her mind? ~Wow.

Erm, no it's not even likely that you would find her the most beautiful - in fact, I would go so far as to say the more time you spend with someone (as you have to in order to fall in love), the more you see of all their faults & warts & ingrowing toenails or the more you see the efforts they have to go to to hide their imperfections so I think you are actually less likely to find them "the most" anything.

Does she find you the most handsome man in the world? I can't understand why she is harbouring under the dellusion that their other half is seriously the most X,Y or Z in the world, even to the person who thinks they are sex on legs! :eek:

I think honesty is the only policy here, you have to tell her you think she is sexy, beautiful, etc, etc but you can't in all seriousness call her the most anything in the world - as she can't you. If she can't accept that, then I think she has a lot of growing up to do & you are better off finding someone who can control their self-esteem issues without expecting you to make unrealistic statements to stroke their ego.

um7y1h83ge06nx

I have a GF and was watching Transformers last night. If you haven't seen it the bit where Megan Fox is examining the cars engine has to be seen to be believed.

Anyway, I just thought there and then that if she turned up in my bed I'd shag her till I drop, or lash her out of it as some say, despite having a GF I'm in love with.

Caliden

Please, tell me I'm pretty!!

You can compliment her going as far as to say she is the most beautiful girl on the planet? Well unless she actually was (unlikely) otherwise no way.

What age is she? 12?

LegacyUser

Thanks for the replies.

I'm going to talk to her later anyway. I'm not ditched per say, she stated that she wasn't sure if she could go out with some one who didnt feel the same as her ie. beautifull.

I'm hoping she's just insecure, i know she's not happy about her body and she does say things like my breasts are to small my arse to big etc, i always try and assure her that how she is is just right and that i wouldnt have it any other way.

I'll leave it at this till i get talking to her.

As a btw, i don't think she imature or some of the other comments about her. She's quite ambitious actually and perhaps a little insecure of her beauty

Canis Lupus

I'm allowed to shag Jennifer Anniston if she ever drops by... In return I have to turn a blind eye if Brad Pitt knocks on the door.

spinandscribble

omg this kinda reminds me of my bf.
he has this thing where he says im the most beautiful girl in the world and always gives out about hot women not matching up to me.

im pretty yes but not as good looking as he makes out.

the truth is he's either blind (possibly) or over flatterying me (most likely) which is a pain since i dont want fake complients.

then again everyone else just thinks he's too much in love with me and it's blinded him and ruined him for any other woman (which would be nice lol)

my point is she KNOWS she isnt the best looking girl in the world but would prefer to be lied to then deal with the truth which is kinda sad really and i feel sorry for her (but shes still a nutter).
it would be lovely if love blinded ppl to the extent their loved one could be the best looking one ever but i dont think it really exists im afraid.

this isnt the kind of conversion to have in a relationship. it spells danger all over it.

my advice op is tell her that true beauty is the full package (mind, body soul)which she has and while others might be stronger on one aspect or so noone matches her in your eyes as a all rounder and THATS what makes her the most beautiful woman in the world....

its all about the spin lol

CathyMoran

Personally I think that my husband is the best looking man because I see the whole of him and I adore his personality, brain and looks. I think that she is just a little insecure.

Beelzebub

Marksie wrote:

Sonnet 130.

Depends whether you believe he is expressing love for the "imperfect" woman, or takling the p*ss out of teh other poets of the time

I rather think he was both expressing the love and taking the p!ss.

Real beauty isn't about looks.
I've known some very ugly beautiful looking women, and I mean hideous!:eek:

EllieOh

milkerman wrote:

Your GF sounds one step short of ' Mirror Mirror on the wall, who is the fairest of them all?' I look at myself now and tbh I look like a sack of sh**e tied in the middle with a rope, my wife is still with me though. Her ass does look big in jeans now where once it could mesmerise me. We are still together.
Beauty is fleeting at best, you cant build a life on it.

Couldn't have said it better, look at all the beauties who let themselves go when they get the ring on the finger. Its not all about looks but you need something there to atract you in the 1st place but looks arent going to
keep the relationship alive and stimulating after 20 years. TBH I think my bf is the most beautiful man I know but he's def not the most handsome and even though he thinks I'm gorgeous I know he looks at other women and Im def not the 'most beautiful' woman he knows. Something about looking at the menu and not eating comes to mind. Its human nature!!She needs a little dose of something called reality.
Tell her how you feel and get on with the relationship!

K-9

Beelzebub wrote:

I've known some very ugly beautiful looking women, and I mean hideous!:eek:

So true, and seems to be truer these days with more money, consumerism etc.

metrovelvet

Do not underestimate female insecurity.

You need to help her get over why she feels the need for you to think she is the most beautiful. Maybe she feels because you don't think so it means you dont love her? She wants you to have that illusion?

It is our flaws which make us loveable, tell her she is perfect in her imperfections.

Is it really important that you think she is the most beautiful? Maybe. Erotic love demands illusion. Maybe you love her on a different level, a more mature one and she has yet to catch up.

The Corinthian

"Does my bum look big in this?"

The answer (unless she's black) is always 'no', even if it looks big enough to have a gravitational pull. It's a simple formula for dealing with the insecurities that many women feel with regard to their physical appearance that has worked for millennia.

Unfortunately you've opened Pandora's box already in this case, so it'll take a very long time for you to rectify the situation - even if you can do so at this stage. Lesson learned.

Marksie

The Corinthian wrote:

The answer (unless she's black) is always 'no'

That was an unnecesssary comment. Please take time to read the charter.
Regards
mark

The Corinthian

Marksie wrote:

That was an unnecesssary comment. Please take time to read the charter.

With all due respect, how so?

The reference to 'unless she's black'? If you've dated black women you'll find that they tend not to have as big an issue with having a big bum as many caucasian or asian women. Take it up with them, not with me.

Or because I suggested that the answer is always 'no'? In which case this is frankly perfectly valid advice and probably more practical than many of the saccharine suggestions that you might hear otherwise.

Marksie

The Corinthian wrote:

The reference to 'unless she's black'? If you've dated black women you'll find that they tend not to have as big an issue with having a big bum as many caucasian or asian women. Take it up with them, not with me.

Thank you for taking the time to clarify your meaning.

K-9

metrovelvet wrote:

It is our flaws which make us loveable, tell her she is perfect in her imperfections.

Is it really important that you think she is the most beautiful? Maybe. Erotic love demands illusion. Maybe you love her on a different level, a more mature one and she has yet to catch up.

When you get to the stage that you love them for everything, including their imperfections, no matter how annoying, well thats true love.

Life would be so boring (and boards) if everybody was beautiful and perfect.

How you get that across to your g/f, or if she ever understands that, well that is the difficult part.

The Jack Nicholson line from as Good as it Gets sums it up "you make me want to be a better man" Romantic slush, yes!, but if a man or indeed woman feels (they may not even be aware of it) like that about another person, well.......

metrovelvet

The Corinthian wrote:

"Does my bum look big in this?"

The answer (unless she's black) is always 'no', even if it looks big enough to have a gravitational pull.

Not true. Note the popular rise in ass implants among white women.

And as for gravitational pull.... it's called allure...a good thing -an ass that can call to orbit.


My mistresses ass is nothing like the sun....

The Corinthian

metrovelvet wrote:

Note the popular rise in ass implants among white women.

No. I'm going to bite my lip and say nothing, no matter how many jokes I can squeeze out of the term 'ass implant'...

LegacyUser

Ah fairy tale romance.

Boy meets girl, boy and girl don't get on. First orgasm/first kiss (depending on the age of the audience) at chapter 2. Then they fall out again, bicker for a few chapters, get back together (I like the older ones from the sixties and earlier where the man would often spank the woman to resolve the bickering because hey, any excuse for a spanking is a good idea to my mind). Then they realise that nobody else in the world is as beautiful to them as each other and they live their lives happily ever after because love conquers all.

All well and good in stories, but if you've any ambition you won't want to settle for a fairy tale romance. It's bull****, and if you try to build a life with someone on that you're building a castle on sand.

A real romance, a real love story that's worth putting some effort in has some blood and bone in it. It has to because love won't conquer a damn thing - it'll be up to the two of you to conquer whatever hardships life throws at you and if you've settled for a fairy tale you'll find that fairy gold disappears in the light of dawn.

You're trying to build a relationship with a girl who's wants a superficial phantasy instead of a relationship. Good luck with that.

Nevyn

metrovelvet wrote:

Not true. Note the popular rise in ass implants among white women.

And as for gravitational pull.... it's called allure...a good thing -an ass that can call to orbit.


My mistresses ass is nothing like the sun....

It may be the case in America but not in this country.

Beauty is to do with ascetics but while you may admire an oil painting that does not mean you want to wake up beside it every morning or that it will have the same sense of humour or be there for you in your darkest hour and share in your silly triumphs.

and it is those things that makes a relationship and a partnership and not if a person is a 10 out of 10 physically.

passive

Beauty is to do with ascetics

Heh.. I'm pretty sure ascetics have very little to do with beauty

"Wash, Am I pretty?
Kaylee, were I unwed I would take you right now in a manly fashion.
'cos I'm pretty?
Cos you're pretty..."

Em... So I guess what I'm trying to say is, tell her she's pretty and she's beautiful and you love her most but she's being unreasonable and if she was the objective honest most beautiful person in the world she'd be a supermodel/goddess and you could live off her. Maybe don't say that last bit so harshly... But she is being stupid and needs to be realistic. I think it's vital that girls I'm in love with/kissing think I'm pretty/rugged and handsome (Huah!), but If they told me I was hotter than Brad Pitt I'd take it with a jar of salt...

LegacyUser

My boyfriend tells me I'm the most beautiful girl in the world to him.
He's probably lying ... but I like that he says that.
You may think I'm crazy but I like it!

metrovelvet

madstufin wrote:

My boyfriend tells me I'm the most beautiful girl in the world to him.
He's probably lying ... but I like that he says that.
You may think I'm crazy but I like it!

Awww how sweet. Like you said, he probably is lying. But that's ok - it's not a bad lie, and when it comes to beauty, women lie all the time, ie cosmetics.

I had a boyfriend who turned to me unprompted while she was on tv and told me I was better looking than Cameron Diaz. It is and was simply untrue. Knowing that it is untrue, I felt he was either lying or hallucinating, the latter of which left me with the feeling that he was not with me but with whatever fiction he made out of me, a lonely position ultimately.

What you want is to be visibly real imo, to know your limitations, accept them, and the person you are with also accept or appreciate them, not pretend they are not there by making something out of you that you are not.

The Corinthian wrote:

I'm going to bite my lip and say nothing, no matter how many jokes I can squeeze out of the term 'ass implant'...!

You may be feeling orally aggressive, but there is no need to bite anything. It is a blatantly obvious double entendre, "the rise in ass implants" but go ahead and squeeze out what you can.

Thaedydal wrote:

It may be the case in America but not in this country.

Flat asses are still preferable in Ireland?

LegacyUser

'

metrovelvet wrote:

Flat asses are still preferable in Ireland?

Yes.

Ireland differs from the US in many ways. Small bottoms are still more fashionable here, have been for quite a few decades.

Not everyone's taste, indeed women probably over-estimate how popular it is, but it's still the fashion here.'