Is it better to be single while you're young?

LegacyUser

Hey. Basically I'm with my girlfriend 2 years now, first love, 17, going into leaving cert year, and I'm absolutely mad about her, tell her everything, she gets me through so much and vice versa.

What i can't get over is the thought that I'm too young for this. I don't want to be with her forever, I think at my age that I should really be getting with random girls and playing the field and experiencing all there is, but I'm afraid that maybe that's just a faraway hills are green thing.

It's like a head against heart thing - my head wants me to break up with her but my heart knows that I'll break down if I do.

So heres the question - should I break up now, or should I leave it till 6th year is over, as I'm not going to get out much next year anyway.

Don't think me heartless - if we could get back together in a few years it would be all for the better.

The other problem is that we have so many friends in common at this stage, and I'm not sure how us breaking up will effect this.

I can't believe that I'm even thinking about breaking up with her, but I'm just so young, and I'm terrified of wasting it. I kind of wanted to ask older people for their thoughts and experiences, please?

BrandonBlock

You're overthinking the situation, just relax - things like this usually sort themselves out in the end.

LegacyUser

i'm 23. was with a girl from when i was 17 up until a couple of months ago. i was thinking exact same stuff as OP for about 2 years. we broke up and got back together a few times because we were so used to eachother etc. big mistake. better to break up earlier if you're thinking about it. having time of my life now after years of mediocre predictable lifestyle
coming from experience...

flonge

Yeah i agree,You are over thinking things way too much!If things are good,(by the sounds of things they are) I'd keep going!

biko

Tell you what, if you do break up with her A) you'll be miserable and want her back immediately which may prove a problem and you'll be back here posting and we have to pick up the pieces

Maybe you should talk to her? Tell her you do love her and how does she feel about your relationship so far? What plans does she have for the future? Tell her you're happy but see everyone around you doing something you never get to do. Maybe she thinks about that too?

You know you could take a break, but promise not to have sex with anyone else? At least then you both get to flirt around <- this advice may be a baaad idea

Zillah

Hmm. I'm 23 in a few weeks and I've done nothing but play around for the last few years. I'm fairly sure that what you have is exactly what I want by now, but then again I don't know if its what I'd want if I had had it since I was your age

Complicated indeed. If you were sure that you loved her and she's the one for you I'd say don't be so bloody childish thinking about ending it for such reasons, but the very fact that you're putting such serious thought into it tells me that I doubt this is the situation. Then again, if she really is the one for you you'll be kicking yourself a lot very soon...

I think it would have been ideal if you had met her when you were older, after you'd had a chance to play the field so to say. But you've been with her for two years, and you simpy cannot bank on getting back with her later on after you've had your fun, so you really need to ask yourself a single question: Which is more important, playing around while you're young, or being with her? If she's more important then you just need to accept that maybe missing out on some single-fun is the price you pay. And if the single-fun is more important you have to be prepared to let her go forever, because after you break up with her and sleep around its no guarantee she'll have been waiting for you all along, I very much doubt it.

CathyMoran

I met my now husband at 23, like you, I felt that it was too young to be settled so eventually we broke up and dated other people which was the worst thing that ever happened to us. It took us a long time to get back on track. If you do think that she is the one for you stay with her, a lot of people would love to have what you have.

JCDUB

I think if I was you OP I'd get out. If you're having these doubts then they will grow and you'll end up breaking up anyway.

You're very young and you'll have no problem getting over it. You'll end up being happier and giving both you and her an opportunity to meet other people and have a bit of fun.

And if it's meant to be who knows, it could happen again after college or whatever when you're both a bit older and more mature. I'd definitely recommend being single for college if that's the way you plan to go though, not just for the obvious reasons but because you'll get through college with a lot less stress and strain.

Don't just go out with her because it's easy and you mightn't meet somebody while you're doing your leaving, that's not a good enough reason and you'll end up wasting both your time.Go out, have fun and enjoy your youth, you'll be old for the rest of your life:eek:

rubyred

I'm 25 (today!!!) and I've been with my bf for four years. After the first year, he felt like you that he was missing out on being young and reckless etc. He went off to Oz for a year and broke my heart. He sowed all his wild oats and did crazy stuff that I prefer not to think about, but at the end of the year he came back and said that he had got it out of his system and wanted to settle down with me. I made him work for it - but did get back with him after a while. I'm so glad now that he broke my heart that first time - I know for a fact that if he'd said nothing he would have reached engagement (maybe marriage) and then finally got the guts to break up with me and go off and do the "being young" thing.

Beau

If you are going to college I would'nt waist first year being with someone.

Red Alert

You won't like me saying it but you are comparatively quite young - I'm 23 and look back at when I was 18 and it seems like totally another place, another time. The change from senior secondary school years to college is incredible.

You can't escape the feelings you're having now. But like anything you might be today in the frame of mind that it's not going anywhere. Tomorrow you mightn't feel the same. It's important you let them out and turn them over in your head. So maybe it might be a good idea for the pair of you to talk, or you might want to discuss all this with a trusted mate or whatever - despite the huge age gap I used to have a long chat with my gran about this type of stuff.

I think it might be a good idea to see how the next week pans out, first. You have like CathyMoran says something that probably a lot of people at your age envy. But if you don't think this is going anywhere it's time to say it. It leaves a good few weeks before any college stuff starts to happen so both of you can relax and get some space if you need it.

LegacyUser

'Hey! Thank you all so much for the replies! It's really good to hear other people's experiences and opinions on this.

I think the best option for me now is to talk with her and either go on a break or just stay together. I don't want us to end up resenting each other, but the break idea seems to be the easiest way to ease us out of our current dependency on each other.

The problem is not that i'm currently attracted to other people but that I just think I need to grow up on my own before adding someone else into the equation, and quite honestly she's crazy about me and there is no way that a breakup is going to come from her side. I'm just terrified we'll end up together forever!

Thanks again for the replies though, they're making my head a little clearer'

LegacyUser

'Whatever you do, be gentle with her. Its going to break her heart. It might not be forever love, and if its not, then you don't need to invest more time in it, but it will hurt both of you in that whole exhausting, dramatic way it does at 17 ( I remember 17, and how everything seemed so huge and crazy, and looking back....well it wasn't, but at the time it means everything)

Whatever you do, its going to have a big effect. Theres good points to having a break, if you use it right. It can ruin you to.

Best of luck, and be gentle with her. And yourself'

BoozyBabe

thoughts_please wrote:

I'm just terrified we'll end up together forever!

END IT!!!

When you're in a long term relationship, you're supposed to want to end up together forever, not be terrified that it might happen.

In your frame of mind you're no good for her & she deserves better.

I'm not trying to say you're a bad person or anything like that. You just have an itch & you need to scratch it.

I think it's best you break up with her.
you may find out that being single is not all it's cracked up to be, but then atleast you'll know, instead of wondering.

Only problem is, she may not still be around if you do come to that realisation.
But I think it's what you need to do

LegacyUser

I am in my late 20's and I know people that are together since they were around 15 and are still happy.
When I was in 5th year I was also in a longterm relationship and had the same thoughts as you,it lasted until 2nd year college.
From experience if you love her and her you then enjoy it,you don't know how lucky you are and how much you may miss it and regret it in your 20s.
Why experience other people when you are happy now,it may not last forever but let it run its course:)

MementoMori

Yes

Tis cr@p being single in your 50s and 60s

aequinoctium

yes

Freddie59

For what it's worth I'm 48, wife is 47. Met when we were 16/15 respectively. We're still together (married 26 years) and, soppy as some might think, still love each other to bits. We are most definitely one of those couples who were truly blessed and very lucky.

Yes, we had doubts; yes, we broke up (for a week!) but knew immediately it was wrong. Our kids are now reared and all I would say is that while many argue both for and against young relationships all we can say is that you will know - believe me!

But you only get one chance in this life for happiness. Hopefully when it arrives you will recognise it - and grab it! But if your doubts are very serious you owe it to each other to take the decision.

I wish you well. God bless in whatever you choose.

dirtydress

I can't tell you how many of my friends (who are guys) have encountered the same problems in their relationship. My boyfriend and I were together about a year and a half when we broke up for those very reasons, he thought he was too young and wanted to be "free" for a while. Six months later we got back together after both going off and being with other people and we've never been happier. The break was the best thing that happened to us. If you're seriously having these doubts then you need to think yourself how you feel, about her, about other girls, about being single, about being in a relationship. I disagree that you should talk to her about it, chances are if you are both happy as you say she wont be having the same feelings and this will only rock her self esteem. Wait until you are sure what you want and if what you have now is really as good as you say it is then you will probably end up together eventually anyway, if its meant to be its meant to be!
Good luck, i know its a very confusing time.

TEH REAL CDP

Man I know exactly how it is. Exact same situation a few months back, trust me - you're a young guy and you need to prioritise things for yourself. Leaving cert is best done alone imo, no stress, you won't feel the need to be checking your phone every ten mins and you defo wanna be single going into college!!! Things will work out but the longer you put things off the more messy it gets. You have all the time in the world to find the one and get hitched and all of that, but for now, enjoy life, get experience, make friends and get phone numbers

Do this before you go back into LC year, asap so you can begin to focus. bear in mind that she will not make it easy, but be tough through the tears, turn off the phone. If you give into her emotion you won't break up with her. So follow it through.

You won't break down man, trust me on this. I think its better to cut all contact though, its less messy that way and you recover faster. Delete her number, her bebo, myspace...whatever. She'll thank you for being a hardass in the long run. You've gotta start acting and thinking "single" to do this.

Its a horrible time but I wish I had your balls when I was your age to see the wood from the trees. You won't regret this decision if you do it right.

You are gonna feel like absolute crap. So remember this. But stay positive and it will all work out, don't go back on your decision. Do this asap.

best of luck man and good luck in the rat race that is the ol' LC.

Spyral

the way i see it if you don't think there could ever be a possiblilty of marrying her then don't even bother asking her out.

The Corinthian

Freddie59 wrote:

But you only get one chance in this life for happiness.

Not so. Some get many chances for happiness in life and some never get even one. Fate is capricious that way.

Freddie59

The Corinthian wrote:

Not so. Some get many chances for happiness in life and some never get even one. Fate is capricious that way.

I stand corrected. What I meant was that sometimes you only get one chance to meet that special person - but might not always realise it. But it's up to the individual to live with the decision.