whats the deal with him?

confusedbaby

i scored this guy at one night. and having been in touch by emails and meeting up for a few times, we had a good time.
but he seems never have some kinda physical desire to me, not even like kiss or anything. once he said he really liked me, doesnt wanna a girlfriend.

we are still meeting up from time to time. i wondering whats going on in his mind.
did he just say "like" me to be nice? why would he be bothered meeting me if so?
did he really like me? why does he not wanna me be his girlfriend?

any oponion is gratefully accepted.

The Bollox

he's probably just looking for a fling in the scratcher

MagicMarker

he said he doesn't want a girlfriend. So what do you want?

confusedbaby

The Bollox wrote:

he's probably just looking for a fling in the scratcher

a fling without sex?

confusedbaby

MagicMarker wrote:

he said he doesn't want a girlfriend. So what do you want?

he said this to me about a month ago. but we are still meeting up for coffee on our own.
i dont understand, why would he bother doing all these?
ok, to be honest,i like him quite a lot.what should i do?

The Bollox

ah right, I read into it wrongly

confusedbaby

The Bollox wrote:

ah right, I read into it wrongly

is it true like if a guy has no physical desire for you, that means he doesnt fancy you at all, there is no way that things gonna work out?

Smellyirishman

Maybe he likes you and doesn't want a girlfriend? (Or doesn't want you as a girlfriend)

IE; friends?

confusedbaby

thats my major confusion. how can he likes me, but not wanna me to be his gf??
dont want her while like her. is that contradictive?

confusedbaby

is there any way that can chang his mind?

Jesus Wept

confusedbaby wrote:

i scored this guy at one night. and having been in touch by emails and meeting up for a few times, we had a good time.
but he seems never have some kinda physical desire to me, not even like kiss or anything. once he said he really liked me, doesnt wanna a girlfriend.

we are still meeting up from time to time. i wondering whats going on in his mind.
did he just say "like" me to be nice? why would he be bothered meeting me if so?
did he really like me? why does he not wanna me be his girlfriend?

any oponion is gratefully accepted.

his opinion would be best. ask him.

Smellyirishman

confusedbaby wrote:

thats my major confusion. how can he likes me, but not wanna me to be his gf??
dont want her while like her. is that contradictive?

I have female friends that I like, doesn't mean I want to go out with them though. And yes, physical attraction might be one neon lit sign for the whole "I like you but don't want to date you" thing.

confusedbaby

The-Rigger wrote:

his opinion would be best. ask him.

i asked him at one point. he told he did find me attractive. but coz he was hurt by his last gf, so he didnt want any gf at the moment. we should be friends. this was about a month ago.

after that, we still met up a few times for coffee. we do get along very well. and he told me i was great fun..

so if he told me we should be friends, is that a full stop--no changing mind?

confusedbaby

Smellyirishman wrote:

I have female friends that I like, doesn't mean I want to go out with them though. And yes, physical attraction might be one neon lit sign for the whole "I like you but don't want to date you" thing.

how do you interprete "like"--as in being with them without thinking they are opposite sex.

i never have like male friends really except gay.dont understant how this works?

Smellyirishman

confusedbaby wrote:

how do you interprete "like"--as in being with them without thinking they are opposite sex.

I'm aware that they are the opposite sex, but I don't want to strip of their knickers and toss them onto my bed, I just enjoy their company.

Maybe your friend is just getting over his old GF? You're probably reading a little too far into all this.

HeeHawsCantona

you might be getting closer to the answer now - perhaps hes a little confused also

confusedbaby

Smellyirishman wrote:

I'm aware that they are the opposite sex, but I don't want to strip of their knickers and toss them onto my bed, I just enjoy their company.

Maybe your friend is just getting over his old GF? You're probably reading a little too far into all this.

so should i wait then, does he just wanna take things slowly?do i still have some kinda chance??

OMG,he is driving me mad.i feel like crying.

confusedbaby

HeeHawsCantona wrote:

you might be getting closer to the answer now - perhaps hes a little confused also

i have this feeling- there is no proof though-- that he just need a little push.
but last time i went a bit forward, he freaked out.
i dont know what to do. is making him jealous a good idea?

HeeHawsCantona

No - if he isn't gay and just shy he could think you are cheap

confusedbaby

HeeHawsCantona wrote:

No - if he isn't gay and just shy he could think you are cheap

what should i do then? play hard to get?

Jesus Wept

confusedbaby wrote:

i dont know what to do. is making him jealous a good idea?

ugh, im my opinion no, no mind games.

confusedbaby

The-Rigger wrote:

ugh, im my opinion no, no mind games.

what should i do then to give him that little push?

HeeHawsCantona

Send him a saucy text - if he is shy it'll be easier for him to reply that way - if u dont get anywhere that way shut up shop and move on - if its going to happen it will. good luck

Sleepy

1. Don't play games.

2. If you like him in that way, tell him. If he tells you he just wants you as a friend, either be happy with that or cut contact.

Orizio

Don't play any games.He wants you as a friend, not as a girlfriend - is that not what he himself said?

Seems straightforward. If you want something more then suggest that to him face to face.If he still just wants to be friends, then there is little you can do.

confusedbaby

HeeHawsCantona wrote:

Send him a saucy text - if he is shy it'll be easier for him to reply that way - if u dont get anywhere that way shut up shop and move on - if its going to happen it will. good luck

tried. he is the type that never flirts. he just answered back like kinda in a serious way.

prob it is going nowhere, its all my imagination.

woop

originally posted by confused baby

hurt by his last gf

theres youre answer

confusedbaby

Sleepy wrote:

1. Don't play games.

2. If you like him in that way, tell him. If he tells you he just wants you as a friend, either be happy with that or cut contact.

i want to stay as his friend, but seems to be some kinda of touture for me, dont know.
hoping he will change mind sometime.

confusedbaby

ok.get it. no games.
he really just wants me as a friend at the moment.

if we keep our friendship, would it be some day possible that he recovers from his last gf, and suddenly want me?
or is it like he prob would never want me anyway if he doesnt want me now?

biko

If he doesn't want you "that way" now he is not likely to change.
Mind, anything is possible.

Be sure to tell him that you can friends but that you want more. If he knows that then it'll be harder for him to consider you "just a friend".

Jesus Wept

confusedbaby wrote:

what should i do then to give him that little push?

hmmm, I'm no expert to be honest, heh, I should probably stop posting.

Maybe just reduce your expectations, try and just have fun, maybe he will come around naturally.

confusedbaby

biko wrote:

If he knows that then it'll be harder for him to consider you "just a friend".

is this good or bad?

Naos

It depends on how he takes it.

If he knows you see him as a potential bf, but he does not view you as a potential gf, then its bad for you as he will just feel awkward around you, not wanting to lead you on.

If he knows you see him as a potentail bf and he too sees you as a potential gf, then its good for you as he will not be able to hold the "friend" feelings for too long and have to move things up a level.

Do not play mind games. Men are logical and like things laid out for them.
Tell us what the problem is. Then we can come up with the solution.

Marksie

How old are you OP? 16/ 17?

I have female friends aplenty and don't want them as "girlfriends", just friends.

If he says I dont want a girlfriend = A friend
I will go out with you occasionnally = A friend
He is not trying it on = A friend
There is no spark= A friend

In the end OP its not him with the issue it is in fact all down to you.

You seem unable to believe that someone can be just a friend with a member of teh opposite sex.

Take it slowly? some kinda chance? make him jealous?

Look if you think like that, then refuse to see him. Accept that as far as your concerned its inconceivable that someone can just be friends with you.

Yes you "scored" him initially, it happens.

Mr. Incognito

Sounds like he just got out of a belter of a relationship. When that happens people react in different ways. Some jump right back in at the deep end and it can be a lottery whether that relationship lasts- classic rebound scenario. Some people go on a scoring rampage, and some people retret into themselves.

From the sound of it this guy respects you. He's not trying to get you into bed, has told you he likes you and likes hanging about with you. If he didn't like you flat out he would say so and wouldn't lead you on.

I think the best advice is to be patient. He was probably hurt in his last relationship and is testing you. If you try and force the issue when he isn't ready for another relationship then you're not going to get the best parts of him. If you really like him, then just be there for him. It'll happen when it's ready.

Mr. Incognito

Sounds like he just got out of a belter of a relationship. When that happens people react in different ways. Some jump right back in at the deep end and it can be a lottery whether that relationship lasts- classic rebound scenario. Some people go on a scoring rampage, and some people retreat into themselves.

From the sound of it this guy respects you. He's not trying to get you into bed, has told you he likes you and likes hanging about with you. If he didn't like you flat out he would say so and wouldn't lead you on.

I think the best advice is to be patient. He was probably hurt in his last relationship and is testing you. If you try and force the issue when he isn't ready for another relationship then you're not going to get the best parts of him. If you really like him, then just be there for him. It'll happen when it's ready.

Maple

Don't play mind games, the only head that will end up wrecked is yours. OP, it sounds like he just wants to be friends. He's being honest with you and is treating you with respect.

If its too much for you, then cut the contact.

Maple

Don't play mind games, the only head that will end up wrecked is yours. OP, it sounds like he just wants to be friends. He's being honest with you and is treating you with respect.

If its too much for you, then cut the contact.

Wibbs

SetantaL wrote:

Sounds like he just got out of a belter of a relationship. When that happens people react in different ways. Some jump right back in at the deep end and it can be a lottery whether that relationship lasts- classic rebound scenario. Some people go on a scoring rampage, and some people retreat into themselves.

From the sound of it this guy respects you. He's not trying to get you into bed, has told you he likes you and likes hanging about with you. If he didn't like you flat out he would say so and wouldn't lead you on.

I think the best advice is to be patient. He was probably hurt in his last relationship and is testing you. If you try and force the issue when he isn't ready for another relationship then you're not going to get the best parts of him. If you really like him, then just be there for him. It'll happen when it's ready.

Good advice, especially with the rebound stuff. If he is trying to move on from the old relationship in this way, fair play to him. Strong character for him not to take up your offer, given it's pretty much in play. It could also mean he harbours a desire to get back with the ex. Then again it could just be he doesn't fancy you to the point of wanting to take it any further. Either way I wouldn't get my hopes up too much for the moment anyway.

confusedbaby

Mear wrote:

It depends on how he takes it.

If he knows you see him as a potential bf, but he does not view you as a potential gf, then its bad for you as he will just feel awkward around you, not wanting to lead you on.

If he knows you see him as a potentail bf and he too sees you as a potential gf, then its good for you as he will not be able to hold the "friend" feelings for too long and have to move things up a level.

Do not play mind games. Men are logical and like things laid out for them.
Tell us what the problem is. Then we can come up with the solution.

i think the problem is that i dont know whats the problem?
is it me, not good enough for him?
is it him, that not be able to recover from his last gf?

JCDUB

Setanta is on the ball there,

He was hurt but give him a bit of time and you'll get your man.
Unless he's gay or has some major issues going on at the moment he'll end up making you a happy little bunny, and probably himself as well.

Hope it works out..

confusedbaby

Marksie wrote:

How old are you OP? 16/ 17?

I have female friends aplenty and don't want them as "girlfriends", just friends.

If he says I dont want a girlfriend = A friend
I will go out with you occasionnally = A friend
He is not trying it on = A friend
There is no spark= A friend

In the end OP its not him with the issue it is in fact all down to you.

You seem unable to believe that someone can be just a friend with a member of teh opposite sex.

Take it slowly? some kinda chance? make him jealous?

Look if you think like that, then refuse to see him. Accept that as far as your concerned its inconceivable that someone can just be friends with you.

Yes you "scored" him initially, it happens.

ok , i know i prob sound very childish, going on about a man for this long. but this is what happens when you really like someone.its what happened to me anyway.
i personally dont really believe friendship of opposite sex.
two people, about the same age, both attactive and single,and you hang out together with each other.
could you really maintain being just friends?

yes, its really hard to see him as a friend and its as hard as to say no when he proposes to meetup.
if even im strong enough to cut the contact now, how would i make sure that i wont regret for it in the future?would love to know your opinion.

Pyjamarama

He doesn't want a girlfiriend - maybe by this he means he doesn't want you as a girlfriend or he doesn't want a girlfriend at all (probably due to being hurt by his ex). Either be his friend or don't - you can't force him into a relationship. Maybe in the future you might get together when he has gotten over his ex but he obviously hasn't yet so as this is the case what would be the point in going out with him anyway?!!

confusedbaby

SetantaL wrote:

Sounds like he just got out of a belter of a relationship. When that happens people react in different ways. Some jump right back in at the deep end and it can be a lottery whether that relationship lasts- classic rebound scenario. Some people go on a scoring rampage, and some people retret into themselves.

From the sound of it this guy respects you. He's not trying to get you into bed, has told you he likes you and likes hanging about with you. If he didn't like you flat out he would say so and wouldn't lead you on.

I think the best advice is to be patient. He was probably hurt in his last relationship and is testing you. If you try and force the issue when he isn't ready for another relationship then you're not going to get the best parts of him. If you really like him, then just be there for him. It'll happen when it's ready.

thanks for the advice.
this is actually what i think,wasnt sure its rite.

i will be patient.hope sth will happen in the future.and will try to keep the hope down. when it comes, it will be the best surprise.:)

confusedbaby

Pyjamarama wrote:

He doesn't want a girlfiriend - maybe by this he means he doesn't want you as a girlfriend or he doesn't want a girlfriend at all (probably due to being hurt by his ex). Either be his friend or don't - you can't force him into a relationship. Maybe in the future you might get together when he has gotten over his ex but he obviously hasn't yet so as this is the case what would be the point in going out with him anyway?!!

i know, my behaviour is not rational at all.
one thing i have to say is that i really like him and just feel the happiest ever when being around him

JCDUB

confusedbaby wrote:

i think the problem is that i dont know whats the problem?
is it me, not good enough for him?
is it him, that not be able to recover from his last gf?

Ball's in his court anyhow, if you're "not good enough" then that's his problem, you shouldn't think like that though, if that's his opinion then he's not worth the hassle.
He just needs time to get over his ex, if you can hang round and if he can get it together before too long then it's worth hangin in there, but ther'e no point in going into anything if he's not over the ex...

Thumbelinatoo

Hi dear,
Its a difficult situation, I know I've been there myself! Guys are fairly straightforward about these things. The hard truth which I'm sure you dont want to hear is that if he wants you as a girlfriend he would have let you know by now. There's not much messing around when it comes to relationships for guys they are much less emotional about these things.

If you like him as much as you say then its probably fairly obvious to him too. This might explain why he's so serious and not flirting with you. He's clearly a really nice guy and doesnt want to take advantage of your obvious affection for him. If only all guys were so sweet :rolleyes:

Sounds to me like he's been in the same situation as you before and doesnt want to torture you but still values you as a friend, this is probably stopping him from doing whats probably best for you and letting it cool off so you can get yourself back together.

So let it cool, focus on other guys and dont let yourself linger hoping for what will never happen. Someday you'll meet a guy who will feel the same way about you as you do about him, make sure you treat him right too

confusedbaby

hi,thubelinatoo.smart analysis.im sure you know what i am feeling like now if you have been to the same place. i really never like a guy like this before.

ok, i have got it. he doesnt want me as a gf. is that equal to he doesnt like me at all from very start?

what do you mean by stopping doing whats best for me?? i dont get what you mean there.

and do you think i should meet him up?

Craft25

im not so sure confused...
maybe he does really like you and has serious issues with physicality!!

Everyone is too quick to assume that ALL guys will hop on like rabbits at the first opportunity..but they are(can be) human and coplex.. there are all sorts of issues and fears that could mean he is taking all of the steps tentatively.. previous abuse, fears about performance, just inability to drop his guard and be intimate..

Only you can know by asking him straight out... do you know him well do you think??? when you have your coffees does your conversation get truly honest? are you keeping your feelings hidden..what could he be keeping hidden?

best of luck

ps. u sound like a great gal so dont get too hung up i'm sure theres plenty of guys there for you

Thumbelinatoo

confusedbaby wrote:

hi,thubelinatoo.smart analysis.im sure you know what i am feeling like now if you have been to the same place. i really never like a guy like this before.

ok, i have got it. he doesnt want me as a gf. is that equal to he doesnt like me at all from very start?

what do you mean by stopping doing whats best for me?? i dont get what you mean there.

and do you think i should meet him up?

Yeah i've been there before :rolleyes: . I dont think it means he didnt like you from the start, maybe he just doesnt feel as strongly as you do and doesnt want to mess you around, sounds like you feel fairly strong about it!

I think you might need some space to get over it, friendship with the opposite sex is absolutely possible, maybe not exactly the same as what you have with you girlfriends, but possible nonetheless. I dont think you should just throw him away but you need some time to let your feelings cool.

confusedbaby

thanks, Thumberlinatoo(BTW,Thumberlina is a pretty name).you seems really understand me and the situation i am going through at the moment.

what confuses me most is the fact that he likes me but not wanna start to have a relationship with me, wel, not jump into relationship straight away, at least walking that way, i mean. is that just a bit contradictive? he cant do it because i like him too much, its too much pressure? or is it because he just doesnt like me enough??or we are talking about a different kinda of like here??

yes, he is a very nice guy. i feel very comfortable and happy with him. losing him even as a friend would be a loss for me and the last thing i would wanna do.