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Lyrics for rating!

  • 23-07-2007 12:19am
    #1
    andyred
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 87 ✭✭


    First song I have written and just lookin for a bit of feedback and critique.



    Above gather dark black clouds,
    The wind picks up, it screams and howls.
    Gonna have a problem,
    Can see there's a storm to come.

    Thunder and lightening strikes,
    To light up this winters night.
    The rain pouring down from high,
    Soon nothing will be dry.

    (C)
    Gonna be your shelter,
    Keep you safe and warm,
    Gotta be calm, gotta be strong,
    I promise we'll see the sun,
    Its gonna shine on everyone.


    First we must weather this,
    The rain, hail, gales, snow and mist.
    Eroding my very soul,
    Turning my body cold.

    You shiver and shake with fear,
    There's no need now that I am here.
    To protect from the elements,
    Bring comfort and sweet silence.

    (C)
    Gonna be your shelter,
    Keep you safe and warm,
    Gotta be calm, gotta be strong,
    I promise we'll see the sun,
    Its gonna shine on everyone.

    Its gonna shine...
    Its gonna shine...
    Its gonna shine...


Comments

  • #2
    Fingers Mcginty
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,573 ✭✭✭Fingers Mcginty


    I like it...fair play


  • #3
    smilyhat
    Closed Accounts Posts: 32 ✭smilyhat


    Its hard to imagine these songs without any idea of the music but if the music is anything like the lyrics id say your onto something.:D


  • #4
    egan007
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,934 ✭✭✭egan007


    It sounds a bit biblical....
    I don't know how you intend it to sound.

    You start well using onomatopoeia to describe the wind - screams and howls but the only place you re-use this technique is in the the chorus. I think you might be able to make it stronger by adding this to the other weather elements as well. The effect of this is to Humanise the weather which will make the link stronger between the elements and feelings.
    Don't over do it though...

    Good First try, don't look for perfection with every song.
    Sometimes you have to leave it as is and take inspiration from it to write the next. Good luck.


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