Let me rephrase that....

Blitzkrieger

Was sending an email to a girl this morning and caught myself typing : "I can't seem to get it up today". Thank god I realised and changed it to : "I can't seem to get the information to load today"..........

Standing in a lift one day going from the top floor to the basement, girl walks in.

I say "are you going all the way?"

Fajitas!

Was on the phone in work & had to get some information off the company's website and just entered the URL. Said to the lady on the phone "One sec & I'll have it up for you"

*que silence*


D'oh!

Femelade

i was in my sisters office one day and i shouted over to her to find a certain website..after i few mins i shouted over "did you get up it?" just as one of the bosses walked in.

whiskeyman

Had a work meeting last week, where one of the senior managers (woman) was entering in expected time resourses beside certain tasks on a file being projected.
She typed '5 inchs' instead of '5mins' beside one.... que the slight sniggers...
Went 'Oh,' and changed it to '10inchs' and went 'that'll be better'.
Que hysteric laughing!

Johnny Meagher

Trying to get out of the building, the lift doors open: "Are you going down?" but what else can you say??
Friend of mine knows someone who hates people who make signs when saying things, like "have you got a cigarette" [makes as if smoking]; are you going for a pint [makes as if drinking]. What do they do when going to the bathroom? [points at their ars*???]

girloperfection

Was in my boyfriends car the other day when i seen his friend went past us, when i said it to my boyfriend he said " if i had seen him i would have flashed him"
He meant he would have flashed the lights at him but obviously i sneered him anyway!!!

Crumble Froo

"i hope youre not one of those girls who just eats the smallest amount of food cos she's 'watching her figure'?"

"man, i could eat you under the table"


>_<

thefinalstage

narco wrote:

"i hope youre not one of those girls who just eats the smallest amount of food cos she's 'watching her figure'?"

"man, i could eat you under the table"


>_<

And I did.

Vorsprung

Was talking to someone who had just been knocked up her moped by a car.

Me: "So he just knocked you from behind?"

arybvtcw0eolkf

Stopped outside the door of 'The George' (Dublin gay bar) to light a fag (boom boom) and realised two lads couldn't get past me "Sorry for blocking your passage" I said




























Yes, I made it all up.

Terry

On that subject.
Standing outside my local, talking to a friend.
Two guys walk out.

My friend: Are you on the fags all the time now, Sean?
Second guy (who is gay): Only when I'm in the mood.

jhegarty

Blitzkrieger wrote:

"I can't seem to get it up today".

Just check you junk mail folder , there will be some mails to help with that

kaimera

Myself and sceptre going thru the main building in college, take the lift up to whatever floor; this girl gets in with crutches [nice young lass] and Shay goes "Great idea, next time remind me to bring my crutches..."

Que very awkward silence until I manage to blurt out "that was a tad lousy Shay"

and without even flinching, her reply was "yea it was!"

I'm convinced he meant something else by what he said initially tho :-/

Blitzkrieger

Just remembered one : An old supervisor was handing out equipment and told me "I'll give you one later". I think he realised what he said and I would have been able to keep a straight face......but one of the lads was breaking his ass laughing behind him.

event

Johnny Meagher wrote:

Friend of mine knows someone who hates people who make signs when saying things, like "have you got a cigarette" [makes as if smoking]; are you going for a pint [makes as if drinking]. What do they do when going to the bathroom? [points at their ars*???]

thats a billy connolly joke

Huggles

My old bosses name was Tack and on the way to the shop one day I asked my colleague was Jack off today...but being lazy I didnt say it like that I said "Jack Off"? with my head tilted to one side

Got a funny look!

Sangre

Was in the car with a friend one day who was driving when he started giving out about a guy who was tailgaiting him.

'Some prick is coming up my ass!'.

ekevosu

I designed an admin tool for a department in work and was getting in the elevator with a few of them one day when one of the women says to the other about me "Have you seen his tool yet? Its very impressive!" She got off at the very first stop face bright red.

Niamho!

The best way to deal with when someone says stuff like that to ya is to rip it out of them straight away...if you leave the awkward silence i think its worse. lol

J.S. Pill

I was working on the phones in Eircom once - Eircom offer discount packages to business customers that give them a certain amount of phone minutes for a fixed cost...

one day this guy rings up and says: "My package isn't big enough, I need a bigger package, can you help me get a bigger package?"

Thank god I had a mute button on the phone coz I was in stiches

Gizzle

Blitzkrieger wrote:

Was sending an email to a girl this morning and caught myself typing : "I can't seem to get it up today". Thank god I realised and changed it to : "I can't seem to get the information to load today"..........

I sent my boss an e-mail about stuff that had to be sent to France entitled, "French Letters"....

I personally didn't see anything wrong with it until she called me to ask did I know what it was slang for. A short trip to Urban Dictionary later and I found out I sent my boss an e-maill entitled "Condoms". This, and the arse-slapping incident has me cemented on my company's "Wall of Shame"...

kevmy

Gizzle wrote:

the arse-slapping incident has me cemented on my company's "Wall of Shame"...

???
Please explain

gyppo

One of my greetings was "hello, how are things?" until I made a balls of it one morning.
Met a very pretty but straitlaced colleague on the stairs, and I smiled, said "Hi Anne, hows your thing?"

cue silence and withering stare..



Must have been one of those freudian slips you hear about.:o

sunny2004

Sangre wrote:

Was in the car with a friend one day who was driving when he started giving out about a guy who was tailgaiting him.

'Some prick is coming up my ass!'.

I have done that....
Travelled as a passenger, what did you think I meant

Rabies

While working at a summer camp in America I was starting a game with the kids.

Me: Lets go have a game of gang bang.... er...ah... I mean bang bang..

the rest of the guys burst out laughing, kids hand't a clue what was going on.

Ruu_Old

Similar to the car ones mentioned, I've heard 'that guy is ridin my ass'.

Earthhorse

My boss once came over to his desk, a shocked look on his face, and asked me to look at a letter he had written. I looked it over and it seemed fine so he asked me to check the address. He was sending it to "Ulster Bank, George's Dick".

He couldn't understand how this had happened so I suggested he had intended to send it to Ulster Bank, George's Dock. He checked the last letter he had written to them and it had been addressed to Ulster Bank, George's Quay. Sexual identity crisis averted.

_blank_

I used to work in an electrical retailers in Coolock, one day a man came in, who was missing an arm (and it was pretty obvious that he was), wanting to buy a TV, and was asking one of the till girls some questions about it. She didn't really know the answers and shouted down the shop, to one of the salesmen -


"John, this man needs a hand".

I cracked me hole laughing, luckily so did the one-armed man.

Fratton Fred

We have an american consultant working in our office who always uses the same taxi driver.

on about his third or fourth day, he phoned his taxi driver and said in a loud voice "John, can you give me a ride".:eek:

I have loaned him a copy of "The Feckin Book of Irish Slang" to help him with the language barrier.

Gizzle

kevmy wrote:

???
Please explain

http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2055124771&page=2

Kurumba

In work one day and one of the girls came over for a chat and was eating this cadburys chocolate fingers, i asked her where she got it and she said Brian gave it to her. So me not thinking shouted across the office ' Brian give us a chocolate finger will ya! '
Never lived that one down once i'd finished explaining..:D

Faith

My housemates were in the shop and kept ringing other housemates to see if they wanted any meat from the butchers. I didn't get a call and was rather pissed off, so I crossly said "What, do I just not get invited to the meat party?". Queue long silence ending in hysterical laughter.

In third year, when we were studying theorems in honours maths, my friend put up her hand and said, "Miss, how do you circumcise a triangle?". Myself and my friend were the only ones who copped on and were wetting ourselves laughing. The rest of the class got it when our teacher replied, "I think you mean circumscribe..."

magpie

Reading this thread is like watching 'The Office'. Only its a sad, real-life version.

Niamho!

this is not Funny. its more embarassing. my boss has been away for the last three weeks and we all thought he was back tomorrow....
When ya walk into our office theres a screen up so you cant really see the boss til you walk around it. I walked in this morning and the other girls were really quiet. i saw three boxes of Goodies on my Desk and i shouted "i Dunno why you's are leaving them on my Fookin Desk!!" then i turned into my Desk and my boss was sittin there!! I wanted to die the feckers...not one of them texted me to say he was back before i got in!! lol.
Luckily enough my boss is Great and after he told me it was him he just laughed. still embarassed though.....

The Master

Two old lads in work discussing the weather and
its effects on their gardens.
one said to the other;

"I have a back lane-way that catches the sun all day".

The other responds;

"So you get the sun up your back passage all day then?"

I had to leave the room ,pissing myself with laughter

impr0v

Walking down Clanbrassil St. recently late at night with a mate looking for a taxi. We walked past 3 flamboyantly camp guys, who struck up a conversation with us. One of them was doing an OCD walk, obviously avoiding all the joints in the paving slabs and my mate said 'Make sure to avoid the cracks lads', not meaning it to be such a blatant double entendre.

My friend worked for AIB business banking, answering calls from clients around the country. She said it was relatively common in the department for people to inadvertently stumble over the alliteration and vowels and say 'Hello, AIB Business Bonking, how may I help you?'

Rb

Fascinating read, A+.

Blitzkrieger

Found this one that I had posted on another thread :

Was standing around waiting for a meeting with a woman I work with but don't really know, so to make small talk I gestured to the window and said : "Raining a bit."
"I know, my knickers are soaked."

God, I hope she was talking about her washing line!