Why

LegacyUser

Hi,
Ive been in a pretty serious relationship for 11months. I know that isnt a relatively long time, but while i was slightly wary at first, he always made it clear he was finished having short flings, and I was the one for him. So after all he told me, I let my guard down. I love him, and have done since a month in. We see each other as much as possible, we share the same group of friends, and any problems one of us has, the other will be there in a shot.
We're not just a couple, we're best friends, and while he always said we'd never break up, I promised that if we did, I'd want to stay friends, not just in the being civil way, but in the way of actually still hanging out.
He drinks more than he should, but he has a good stomach for it. I found out he cheated, and he put it down to a drunk mistake. I forgave him. He did it again and put it down to thinking we were on a break (when we were realy only talking about it because I was having problems but hadnt made any decisions). I forgave him. Then I found out he asked one of my good mates to kiss him, and though she said no and nothing happened, I confronted him and talked to him about breaking up. We talked it through, and he said he was gonna make big changes.
We just got over that, and hes on holidays, and not I find out from one of his friends I didnt know, that he goes out and cheats every time I'm not there and none of the friends we share are there. Thats about weekly.
I know now that I have to break up with him. But I've never loved anyone like I do him, and he did say he would make changes. He's back next week and I dont know what to do or say to him. I was always prepared incase we broke up, but I never expected a stab in the back like this.
Can anyone give me advice, or tell me why he'd stay with me if he liked other girls, because there was never anything I didnt give him, emotionally or physically. I dont know what I did wrong, and this is really affecting me.
Help, please...

Oryx

You didnt do a thing wrong except trust him. He likes having a girlfriend maybe because your there, your nice, your good company etc, but he still wants the excitement of other women. (I cant tell from what youve said whether hes just a complete b*stard, or whether his head is messed up and although on some level he cares for you, he thinks cheating is ok if you dont find out.) Either way you already know youve got to leave. The more you accept what hes doing and his empty promises to change, the more you are allowing this to continue. Get out of this, and nurse your poor heart for a while. And Ill say it again. YOU DID NOTHING WRONG. You were just unlucky.

little miss

I can just echo what the previous poster said. Seems you didn't do anything wrong, you've just been really unlucky. I don't understand how people can cheat. I'd break up with someone before doing anything if I was ever tempted but I know plenty of people who've cheated even though they have loved their partner. You shouldn't stick around though, as you'll never be able to trust him again. It seems to have been happening far too regularly, especially if you've only been together 11 months! You should still be in the honeymoon phase when you don't even look at anyone else. Move on, and be strong. You have my sympathy xxx

jellie

Hi OP,

Im in a similar situation, except its 10months instead of 11, and it never went past the 1st cheating incident. I had considered trying to forgive him for it, but in the end it wasnt an option (lots of other issues).

My ex was the same, promises of loving me forever, the one for him, etc etc. & youre skeptical at 1st but if someone tells you them things enough times youll believe them & you let your guard down. I did the same.

You know you have to break up with him, & you want to. BE STRONG. youre not the only one to feel this pain. Just try to keep telling yourself of the bad things & not the good. You deserve so much better. nobody deserves to be treated the way hes treating you.

Yes it will be hard. Its been nearly 2 weeks for me & im still hurting so much. But i am MUCH better than last week, and i know next week ill be better again. Youll miss him, youll miss the company and the security of having someone. But friends are great, and just try to concentrate on what great friends you have, and all the good things in your life.

Best of Luck with it. Feel free to PM me if you want to talk about it or need some support. Stay strong & remember you deserve better

tritium

Op, its like other posters have already said, you did nothing wrong. Parasites like this thrive on the sense of guilt they create in others for the things they do. Nothing you could have done would have changed that!

Don't tell yourself thet you're responsible in some way - You're not! and this nasty piece of work would probably be quite happy to take your doubts and use them so that he could use you again just like he already has.

You're lucky to be rid of, even if it doesn't feel that way right now

He's trash

Your free

celebrate!!!

Dragan

It's never nice to have to admit that we had the wool pulled over our eyes but sadly that is what happened in this case.

This might sound harsh but you never really loved him because you never really knew him. He put on a face every time he saw you.

Move on, forget him, don't let him talk his game because he's just a ****ing loser.

Maple

Ah OP, what a heartbreaking situation for you. But you know what you have to do, he's not going to change. He's made his promises and broken them again and again. He's not treating you with the love and respect that you deserve. I know you've let your guard down and let him inside, you've let him see the real inner you, you've given him your heart and its so hurtful when someone betrays this. You deserve better. Dump him.

Maccattack

He cheats on you because you let him. I know it sounds harsh but what do you expect? You forgive him over and over again.

Show some self respect and have nothing more to do with him. Dont even give him the oportunity to 'explain'.

Remember you are setting yourself up for the rest of your life. If you let people treat you like this you will have a string of broken relationships and maybe end up being a single mother with an a***hole of an ex that makes your life a misery.

Gary ITR

Maccattack wrote:

He cheats on you because you let him. I know it sounds harsh but what do you expect? You forgive him over and over again.

Show some self respect and have nothing more to do with him. Dont even give him the oportunity to 'explain'.

Remember you are setting yourself up for the rest of your life. If you let people treat you like this you will have a string of broken relationships and maybe end up being a single mother with an a***hole of an ex that makes your life a misery.

Harsh but spot on. Next time you see him you should just tell him you're through

LegacyUser

I just want to say thanks to everyone who replied. To be honest I was expecting some people to give out, and I know I needed a kick up the ****. You've given me that in a really understanding way. Also thanks to anyone else who replies, it's weird but I feel alot stronger now.
Ill be seeing him on Tuesday I think, and I'll make sure I get to say my piece.

LegacyUser

Unreg15 wrote:

Hi,
Ive been in a pretty serious relationship for 11months. I know that isnt a relatively long time, but while i was slightly wary at first, he always made it clear he was finished having short flings, and I was the one for him. So after all he told me, I let my guard down. I love him, and have done since a month in. We see each other as much as possible, we share the same group of friends, and any problems one of us has, the other will be there in a shot.
We're not just a couple, we're best friends, and while he always said we'd never break up, I promised that if we did, I'd want to stay friends, not just in the being civil way, but in the way of actually still hanging out.
He drinks more than he should, but he has a good stomach for it. I found out he cheated, and he put it down to a drunk mistake. I forgave him. He did it again and put it down to thinking we were on a break (when we were realy only talking about it because I was having problems but hadnt made any decisions). I forgave him. Then I found out he asked one of my good mates to kiss him, and though she said no and nothing happened, I confronted him and talked to him about breaking up. We talked it through, and he said he was gonna make big changes.
We just got over that, and hes on holidays, and not I find out from one of his friends I didnt know, that he goes out and cheats every time I'm not there and none of the friends we share are there. Thats about weekly.
I know now that I have to break up with him. But I've never loved anyone like I do him, and he did say he would make changes. He's back next week and I dont know what to do or say to him. I was always prepared incase we broke up, but I never expected a stab in the back like this.
Can anyone give me advice, or tell me why he'd stay with me if he liked other girls, because there was never anything I didnt give him, emotionally or physically. I dont know what I did wrong, and this is really affecting me.
Help, please...

OP it's your fault. You let him away with all this.

If what I understand is correct, he cheated once and you let him away with it...do you enjoy being a doormat? "Please walk all over me"

You made a mistake then and you then continued to make mistakes. You need to be stronger in the future and make sure you don't allow people to treat you like this. That very first time, you should have walked away. He is exploiting the fact that you really like him...

That's not fair on you. That is not what love is.

justsomebloke

Unreg15 wrote:

he always made it clear he was finished having short flings

Yes but did he say that he was finished sleeping with different partners, seems he is just using you for the security of a girlfriend while being able to sleep around every week while you are not there.

Is he going to change, no, so if you enjoy being treated as a doormat keep on going with the relationship