Attracted to man at work

445279.ie

problem is he's married with grown kids. And a good few years older (though the age thing doesn't really bother me).

Getting major vibes from him as well!

Should I or shouldn't I???????????????

Tchocky

No. Marrried + Kids = Awkward + General Messiness.

And General Messiness is a fierce fellow.

easyontheeye

why would you be so selfish as to potentially be the ruin of his marriage? the kids would love you for it!

trust me i was that kid once and all i have it hate for a woman like you! you make it sound so bloody trivial! grow up , put your hormones back in your knickers and find a decent man!

LegacyUser

Absolutely not. You`d be messing with the man`s family, not just having some innocent fling. If you have any respect for yourself ( let alone his family ) you`d find someone who was free to pay you the bit of attention you`re so clearly starved of. Grow up.

445279.ie

easyontheeye wrote:

put your hormones back in your knickers and find a decent man!

Harsh :mad: - he's the one doing all the running so just shows what he thinks of the wife and kids!!!

easyontheeye

rebel72 wrote:

Harsh :mad: - he's the one doing all the running so just shows what he thinks of the wife and kids!!!

point taken, but you will be the one that will look worse out of it. believe me, it will be you that will be blamed on everything assuming you get caught that is. are you willing to **** your job up too?

biko

rebel72 wrote:

problem is he's married with grown kids. And a good few years older (though the age thing doesn't really bother me).

Getting major vibes from him as well!

Should I or shouldn't I???????????????

You only need one question mark to indicate a question.

Don't be a home wrecker. He is probably just happy with some young attention but will not (again probably) leave his family for you.

At worst you can loose him, your job and your self respect.

445279.ie

biko wrote:

You only need one question mark to indicate a question.

Don't be a home wrecker. He is probably just happy with some young attention but will not (again probably) leave his family for you.

At worst you can loose him, your job and your self respect.

Point taken, but within the company, he has a lot more to loose than me if it goes public (so to speak)

easyontheeye

a close male family member of mine was in the males position your referring to (they also worked together in prominent positions in the company), he and she lost everything and i mean everything. i cant stress enough how bad an idea it is.

445279.ie

He would NEVER want anyone to know and I certainly would respect him enough to never divulge any information.

easyontheeye

are you that naive?? do you honestly think that anyone who was caught out didnt think the same as you?

Tchocky

Ask him if he meant his wedding vows the same way?

Talliesin

What, is this the first person you've ever been attracted to or something.

I'm attracted to Liv Tyler. I'm not going to dump my girlfriend and get on the next plane to LA in the hope that something happens, I'm just going to pay a bit more attention if she's in a film.

The best thing you can probably get out of this situation, a sight you find pleasant on the eye and maybe a little bit of frisson to make the day go faster. Anything else has just far too many ways to go wrong.

the_syco

rebel72 wrote:

He would NEVER want anyone to know and I certainly would respect him enough to never divulge any information.

You saying he won't brag that he got it on with some young 'un at the office, with a few friends, after a few in the pub?

impr0v

Talliesin wrote:

..a little bit of frisson to make the day go faster..

The above is the rock upon which almost all work relationships are founded and, from experience, the majority of them are best left at that, even if neither of the protagonists are married. Go for it if you really need to find out for yourself, but there's a 99/100 chance that you'll regret it for a long time afterwards.

And remember, when it all comes crashing down you can't blame the casualties solely on him. If you weren't aware of your responsibilities in the matter, you wouldn't be asking the question in post #1 above.

BaZmO*

I'm guessing the "72" in your username is the year you're born and not your IQ?

If the 72 is your IQ well then that explains why you would even consider this being a good idea but if the 72 is the year you were born you really should be old enough to know better.

Like seriously, do you really think anybody in their right mind is gonna tell you that it's a good idea to get with a married man with kids that you work with?

seahorse

rebel72 wrote:

Harsh :mad: - he's the one doing all the running so just shows what he thinks of the wife and kids!!!

He obviously thinks a lot of his wife and kids if he's stayed long enough in the relationship to raise them with her all the way to adulthood, so you can stop deluding yourself on that point.

When he's flirting with you, granted, he's not thinking of his family, but here's something that might surprise you; he's not thinking of you either - he's thinking of his prick.

easyontheeye

seahorse wrote:

When he's flirting with you, granted, he's not thinking of his family, but here's something that might surprise you; he's not thinking of you either - he's thinking of his prick.

QFT :cool:

tritium

Are you for real!

You crow on here like a nasty little piece of work, not so much asking advice as bragging about how you could do this. You don't seem to give a damn for the consequences to his family and would rather pretend its in no way your responsibility, and you expect anyone to tell you anything but to cop yourself on?

Last couple I knew in that position, he lost everything and she had her reputation ruined and was generally looked at as a nasty little tart in the office they worked in - They both thought they wouldn't get caught either!

That enough incentive for you not to?

Grow up!

Anna23

I fancy a guy in work as well, the difference is that he is single, I kinda know he fancies me, but still I will stay away until he makes the first move. Do not ruin a marriange might it be perfect or not, and to be honest with you I have dated a guy with 2 kids and a wife well they were legally separated, it was a mess and I will never do it again, it only lasted 2 months, but God those 2 months were so bad always had to leave in the middle of our date to get the kids, so I thought about it and decided that if I want to be number 1, yes I know that sounds like its all about me, and yes I wanted it to be about me, but kids come first so I decided to forget all about him.

Marksie

Tchocky wrote:

No. Marrried + Kids = Awkward + General Messiness.

And General Messiness is a fierce fellow.

+ Workplace =

Complete professional and emotional disaster.

Been there done that when i was very much younger

Rebel72: Whether you want someone to know or not, it will get noticed. Period.

Depends on you and how you rationalise. I sense you want to have the fun of it and feel it would be a feather in your cap.
In the end its your choice, you are now aware of the negatives. IMO it would be a minefield, after all, there are plenty of people outside of work, both married and single. If you are thinking of complicatingone aspect of your life, then at least keep it separate from another

jubi lee

he's MARRIED! Stay clear!
I never get it when women go for married men...

Glowing

Why would you WANT to go with a man who cheats on his wife anyway ....

AnonoBoy

rebel72 wrote:

Point taken, but within the company, he has a lot more to loose than me if it goes public (so to speak)

That sounds awfully like you've considered the whole thing going bad already and have decided that you can always hold this fact over him if he tries to end it.

rebel72 wrote:

He would NEVER want anyone to know and I certainly would respect him enough to never divulge any information.

But yet you're posting on boards with your registered name considering starting an affair. The internet isn't anonymous you know. Are you sure that nobody here knows who you are?

opa01_2000

OP - sounds like you have already made your mind up to do it and are just looking for justification.

LegacyUser

People are being a bit harsh here, sometimes things/feelings happen that we cant help. I dont condone it at all, but sometimes you get into a situation and your head says one thing and your heart says another.

Look OP, iv been there before, i was younger than he but probably more senior in the company in a way - directly related to the MD.

Anyway, it started out as a close friendship, i didn't fancy him... he was 29 and married since he was 25, we clicked and had a so much craic together.

He wormed his way into my affections and i was crazy about him but but i always held back as im really not the type to get involved in a bad situation like that, i knew id get hurt, aswell as his and my family.

I could tell that he didn't want to do it but in the end i think he couldn't help himself, after over a year of us growing closer and closer, he kissed me one evening. I had fallen for him head over heels and truth be told i believe he was crazy about me too.

I consider myself a very balanced individual and despite my feelings and dreams, i was able to rationalise and see that nothing could ever come of it - and i didn't want it to either (i didnt want to have the stigma of being a home wrecker attached to me despite the strong and genuine feelings)

Anyway, i pulled back, i missed and craved him terribly and i could tell he felt lost... But it was for the best. He finished working here in the end, thats over 6 months ago. I sill think of him most of the day every day. Im not pining, i just have fond memories of our friendship and wish the feelings didn't get int he way and ruin it, because now i have lost that.
As he always said things could have been so different, but they weren't and we had to both eat that up.

Leave things be OP, no good feeling ever come from situations like this. Luckily im a firm believer that theres more than one person in the world for me so with that in my head i was able to walk away and wait and hope for the next man to come along that could make me feel the way he did... Try and be strong, listen to your head not your heart, or your gee as the case may be!

Maple

Don't do it. Affairs with married men are just cheap and nasty.

Wibbs

rebel72 wrote:

problem is he's married with grown kids. And a good few years older (though the age thing doesn't really bother me).

Getting major vibes from him as well!

Should I or shouldn't I???????????????

Don't know where to even start with how much of a mistake this would be. He's married. Bad. He's a co worker. Bad. Which part of this situation do you think is good? That you're attracted to him? If that's your only criteria the you are in trouble.

Harsh :mad: - he's the one doing all the running so just shows what he thinks of the wife and kids!!!

So what? I really love that moral compass you've got goin on there. So if someone left out a thousand euro and you figured you might not get caught, you would steal it? Again so what if he's "doing all the running"? Forget him for a second, you do have a thing called personal responsibility you know. It's one of the aspects of good character.

BaZmO* wrote:

If the 72 is your IQ well then that explains why you would even consider this being a good idea but if the 72 is the year you were born you really should be old enough to know better.

QFT. Age is no indicator of wisdom. All age gives you is more experience of screwups. If you don't choose to learn form them it makes no difference.

seahorse wrote:

When he's flirting with you, granted, he's not thinking of his family, but here's something that might surprise you; he's not thinking of you either - he's thinking of his prick.

Oh yes. So true.

jubi lee wrote:

I never get it when women go for married men...

Some do it because of the risk of discovery, some do it just for the sex, some do it because they know the man won't leave and they don't want a full involved relationship. Indeed often if the man does leave his family, the excitement dies for the other woman and they move on.

opa01_2000 wrote:

OP - sounds like you have already made your mind up to do it and are just looking for justification.

I'm getting that impression myself, although how dumb or naive would you have to be to expect justification for actions like that? If this is the case that makes me worry more about the OP on so many levels.

Look OP, you can take these critiques any way you want, but from my perspective I'm saying these things for your sake. This will end badly. Forget about his family, his wife, his kids for the moment. You seem to be doing that anyway, which naturally you have to, to justify it to yourself. You will get hurt over this. Beyond any emotional fallout that will happen if you get attached, you will look like the idiot. You will look like the "homewrecker". You will look like the "silly bitch". You will look like a fool at work. It will harm your future prospects at that company. He will get a bollocking when this comes out(and it will, I guarantee you that), but the blame will usually land at your feet more than his. The double standard is there. No point denying it. A lot will have a sneaking admiration for the old goat, especially his mates, but you will look like the temptress. Sad but true.

One word? Don't.

Sangre

Is this a takepiss? Are you ****ing for real?

Of course you shouldn't, don't be a home wrecking whore. It doesn't matter what he is doing, that doesn't justify anything you might want to do.

Marksie

Wibbs wrote:

Some do it because of the risk of discovery, some do it just for the sex, some do it because they know the man won't leave and they don't want a full involved relationship. Indeed often if the man does leave his family, the excitement dies for the other woman and they move on.

And some end up falling head over heels and the married person then ends up going back to the marriage. Leaving them high and dry with a complete knot of never ending bitterness.

Marksie

WearingTShirt wrote:

but sometimes you get into a situation and your head says one thing and your heart says another.

Agreed, BUT where does the OP says she has emotions other than physical attraction.

She is considering a fling, all well and good, but she should be aware of the consequences.

Her... "he is doing all the chasing" comment indicates how little she has thought this through. Though i am presuming, i belive she thinks she will be able to walk away unscathed from the wrekage with a blithe assertation like "well he went after me".

It wont work that way.

WIBBS: I agree, i felt that the OP was looking for affirmation or was quite titillated and wanted to share.

LegacyUser

Can I ask where exactly you think a liaison like this would go? What would it lead to?

If you're just doing it for pointless thrills, could you try to find someone to do that with who doesn't have dependents whose lives you will ruin with your actions? Would you do this for an ego boost? Isn't there any other way you could lift your self-esteem than proving to yourself that you can pull some bored married guy?

If you're going to do it because you think you have some kind of future, how do you fancy being a stepmother to children who will probably hate you and blame you for the break up of their parents' marraige? That's if he actually leaves his wife, home, children and life to be with you while he's paying alimony to them.

If the bloke is going to go down the wanderly path anyway, leave him do it with some other woman. I can't see any single way you can benefit from getting into a messy situation with someone you work with...

dellas1979

Nooooooooooooooooo.

You are flattered by his attention. We all get like that. But why would you want to have an affair with a married man?

Can you not get anyone else? Are you "hagging" around him? Why this particular guy?

You are creating alot of problems for yourself, him, and his family. Jeesseeeeee what age are you anyways? I certainly do think that wisdom comes with age. We all learn whats wrong and right, and that there are CONSEQUENCES to actions.

annajean40

I had a fling with a married man once and it was fine until I actually saw him with his wife one day. Nearly killed me seeing that. I found out afterwards that he was also seeing 2 other women. If he is willing to have a fling with you,he will do it with someone else as well. Hes looking for excitement and cheap thrills. When he gets used to being with you he will get bored and hit on someone else and so forth. Vicious circle. How would you feel if you loved someone and found out that he was having a fling with his secretary. Put yourself in the other womans shoes and see how they fit !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

oneeyedsnake

rebel72 wrote:

problem is he's married with grown kids. And a good few years older (though the age thing doesn't really bother me).

Getting major vibes from him as well!

Should I or shouldn't I???????????????

Yeah go for it!!!Destroy his family and scar his children for life then when your finished you can head home and eat some deep fried babies.Honestly what sort of response did you expect to get you complete and utter twit.

Beelzebub

You've read the book
You've seen the film.


Do not wear the t-shirt!

johnplayerblue

This is quiet an entertaining thread. To the OP, Theres always free cheese on the mouse trap. (Tom Waits)

johnplayerblue

annajean40 wrote:

Hes looking for excitement and cheap thrills. When he gets used to being with you he will get bored and hit on someone else and so forth. QUOTE]

That could also work both ways

Pepe LeFrits

To echo the statements made by many others, are you really that desperate? Is there nowhere else for you to get your leg over, that doesn't involve becoming a homewrecker?

stovelid

Sangre wrote:

Of course you shouldn't, don't be a home wrecking whore..

oneeyedsnake wrote:

.Honestly what sort of response did you expect to get you complete and utter twit.

These posts are out of order.

BTW - If the marriage is wrecked, it's wouldn't be just the OP that's at fault.

OP - I'm not going to moralize with everybody else but these kind of affairs usually do end in tears. This sounds especially dodgy, with kids and a workplace dimension.

If you really like the guy, wait for him to become a free agent or move on.

1maDrtbg

Rebel, if you really like this guy you should go for it, life's too short!

Marksie

Sangre: You should know the charter by now.
Oneeyedsnake: take time to read the charter.

Both your comments were part of larger posts, so a warning

No more personal comments or name calling please.
Regards
Mark

Electric

He's married with kids! There are some lines that you don't cross! A

very good friend of mine was at the other end of that (granted they weren't married but were together a very long time, had kids, a house etc). The devastation that it caused was horrendous and completely unfair. She and her children didn't deserve all tha pain and hurt that was inflicted on them. They broke up and had to sell the house. And now he's sorry! Something that was a fling and a bit of fun now means that he gets to see his kids at the weekends! I feel sorry for him. I don't think that he ever meant for things to work out as they did but you can't go back and change things.

If this guy in work is giving you vibes stay away! If he's willing to have a fling with you it shows you how little he values his family. You can't seriously think that he would treat you any better than he would his own family!!!