Need advice!!

Tor2

Hi, i need some advice. Im with my girlfriend a year now and love her to bits. We get on great together, have a laugh and all that. But, her past gets to me and its making me feel down. Its not as if her past is really that bad or anything, its just she's had 2 or 3 one night stands. Now i dont think this would bother me to much but she is quite shy and just cant see her doing this sort of thing. I do have to initiate sex all the time, she never makes the first move, it doesnt make me feel very wanted! Sometimes she does say im sex mad, but i just love having sex with her, its the best sex i have ever had cause i love her so much, she said she feels the same way! The past few weeks have been tough for me, thinking about what she got up to with the them and all that. I just want to get it out of my head and stop thinking bout it, but how?

Any advice would be appreciated!!!

unregd147

If you’re like me you will find it very hard to get it out of your head, especially if you just found out this info?
The proper thing to do is move on and forget about it (easier said than done though) I’m the jealous paranoid type and if I think about her past when I’m with her I get moody and pissy with her. It’s a bad trait but I still haven’t found a way to get over it.

Wibbs

Grow a pair and get over it. You don't need any self help techniques. It's that simple. She has a past. So what? You're her present and if you're lucky her future. You won't be if you act like a spoilt child just because someone else played with your "toy".

I’m the jealous paranoid type and if I think about her past when I’m with her I get moody and pissy with her.

Moody and pissy? Oh FFS. And some accuse women of being irrational creatures? Jesus, I sometimes worry about the male of the species these days.

Deadalus

I used to get jealous with my girlfriends and driving myself nuts. But I woke up one day and was like don't be such a tool, we all have a past and what she has experienced in her past has helped shape the woman I love today. And thats what I remind myself of if I find myself getting jealous or anything. She wouldn't be the person she is if it wasn't for her past. So if you love her you should be grateful for her experiences as these have helped shape the person she is today.

missmatty

Unreal! The next time I meet someone I'll pretend to be a vestal virgin, cos it seems if I tell them the truth it's a license for them to get moody and jealous and pissy with me.

I've had five or six one night stands and two relationships. I don';t consider that to be anything out of the ordinary.
I've never cheated on anyone and would like to think i would never do that. But if i'm single it's no-one's business what i do. And the op's girl had 2 ONS's and he's away worrying and fretting about it. For God's sake cop yourself on. How old are you? Have YOU had any one-nighters?

In the end she's with you and if you carry on like this, you'll be lucky if she stays.

Maple

its her PAST. Its the present that should concern you and the future. Get over it. And if it bothers you that she doesn't initiate sex then speak to her about it.

and as for unreg147, you deserve to be dumped for your silly childish immature behavior.

rick_fantastic

ya should have made it perfectly clear that you are a fiend for sex right from the start that way she has no excuse and cant go mad at you for it... (worked for me, although my gf loves sex just as much as me)

forget about her past and if it worries you that much get her to get tested and yourself aswell for that matter.....

MrBaseball

Tor2 wrote:

Hi, i need some advice. Im with my girlfriend a year now and love her to bits. We get on great together, have a laugh and all that. But, her past gets to me and its making me feel down. Its not as if her past is really that bad or anything, its just she's had 2 or 3 one night stands. Now i dont think this would bother me to much but she is quite shy and just cant see her doing this sort of thing. I do have to initiate sex all the time, she never makes the first move, it doesnt make me feel very wanted! Sometimes she does say im sex mad, but i just love having sex with her, its the best sex i have ever had cause i love her so much, she said she feels the same way! The past few weeks have been tough for me, thinking about what she got up to with the them and all that. I just want to get it out of my head and stop thinking bout it, but how?

Any advice would be appreciated!!!

This is clearly just a manifestation of a larger insecurity problem. You're going out with this girl and now you feel like you own her. She's probably done nothing to upset you since you've been going out, so you've latched onto something perfectly normal she's done in the past and are making a big deal out of it.

A couple of bits of advice.

A: you're being utterly irrational
b:get over yourself
c:don't be surprised when this issue gets you dumped, and know that yes, you'll deserve it.

Miss Fluff

Erm, how can I say this diplomatically???? Cop on to yourself! :rolleyes: At the start of your post I was expecting to read that she had eaten a toddler or likes ripping the heads of domestic animals.....seriously, it's hardly the crime of the century so put it out of your head. You say you love her, if you don't let this go you'll destroy a good relationship. This is your issue so just let it go and enjoy what you have with her in the here and now.

Tor2

Its not that im in bad humour and taking it out on her or anything, its just playing on my mind a bit. I have had one night stands, quite a few to be honest. Its just the fact that i couldnt imagine her having them cause she's so shy and doesnt really seem that interested in sex, like it took us 2 months before we slept together not that i minded or anything i feel if you care for someone you'l wait!

kkposse

ehh what age r u? have u reached puberty yet?:D

Lola123

maple wrote:

its her PAST. Its the present that should concern you and the future. Get over it. And if it bothers you that she doesn't initiate sex then speak to her about it.

and as for unreg147, you deserve to be dumped for your silly childish immature behavior.

I agree.
2 or 3 one night stands is nothing to be ashamed of. And tbh, even if she's had 20 or 30, it's in the past...and it's HER past, not yours. If you love her as you say you do, then seriously, grow up!!!!
Do we have to lie now about our sexual pasts or else we'll have future partners getting p1ssy about it??
What exactly is it that bothers you about it?!

Dragan

It seems to be me your problem is not with her past as such, more how it reflects with your present.

I would ask you are the one night stands the issue, or is it that you feel bad because you assume she instigated sex with a randomer and you need to do all the work in your relationship?

Tor2

Dragan wrote:

I would ask you are the one night stands the issue, or is it that you feel bad because you assume she instigated sex with a randomer and you need to do all the work in your relationship?

Yeah well i always have to make the first move, id just like her to make the first move every now and again. i think you's are geting the wrong idea, she could have had a 100 one night stands and it wouldnt bother me as long as she was showing some love towards me.

Maple

Tor2 wrote:

Yeah well i always have to make the first move, id just like her to make the first move every now and again. i think you's are geting the wrong idea, she could have had a 100 one night stands and it wouldnt bother me as long as she was showing some love towards me.

well TELL her this. Communicate with her. But don't bring up anything about the one night stands.

LegacyUser

'U cannot worry too much about her past.
And, she cannot worry too much about yours.

U have to take people as U find them.

Besides, where are U going to find a virgin these days ???
Sure, they're all roidin like rabbits.

And, on top of that, when they don't like you any more - even
after years of marriage - they go find another stud.
Simple as.

And, U're left there thinking : 'What did I do so wrong ?''

Reku

Tor2 wrote:

Yeah well i always have to make the first move, id just like her to make the first move every now and again. i think you's are geting the wrong idea, she could have had a 100 one night stands and it wouldnt bother me as long as she was showing some love towards me.

I agree with maple, best way to deal with this would be to tell her how you feel, that once in a while you'd like her to initiate. Open the floor with her to discussing the whole sex thing and if there's anything you can do to help each other get more out of it (and so be more eager to do it).

As for the one night stands I wouldn't worry about that as they were probably during periods where she wasn't seeing anyone, sexual tension just kept building until she had to vent, now that she has sex on tap it doesn't build up to the same level. Though women build much more slowly due to lower testosterone (generalisation, some can want it daily, it varies as much as anything else does from person to person) they do still have limits before they crack.

Ibjiba

I agree with the previous posters. Communication is what is needed her. Tell her how you feel about initiation and her past doesn't bother you per se, but rather that she seems to treat you differently. Said in a good way, good things should come out of that conversation.