Is it wrong for 2 people to have sex with each other to enjoy it?

LegacyUser

Ok i have a friend for a couple of years, we are both 23. Basically we could meet up once a week for a good session of sex. Some weeks it could be 2 or 3 times some weeks it might not happen.

SO a typical week could involve her coming to mine we'll watch a bit of TV then go to my room ( i rent with another guy_) we have have sex and a couple of hours later she leaves, same when i go to hers.

On a weekend i could get a txt off her a t midnight to say she's really horny and she wants to meet up i do likewise and we meet up and have sex.

I have no feelings for her apart from i really like the sex she is the same. Neither of us have had a partner, we dont go to the cinema or for dinner though sometimes we will go out for a few drinks together.

We experiment and push the boundaries with sex.

Yet when people find out about this they are appalled!!

Nevyn

Some people are applalled not everyone.

As long as you practice safer sex and are both clear on what they relationship is about and what the rules are then have fun.

Marksie

Then don't tell them.

You are enjoying each other, no guilt on either side and having a great time.

Its between the two of you and no one else.

biko

Don't tell/brag

Reku

You both know it's not going to lead to anything other than the sex so you're not harming anyone. An' it harm none do as ye will.
All mammals have the enjoyment of sex engrained on their genetic code to ensure the furtherment of the species so if 2 people have sex and aren't enjoying it they're doing it wrong.

The people who are appalled may just be prudes or perhaps jealous.

bugler

I had a similar arrangement for a time. Enjoy it while it lasts, as it will all go tits up eventually. Hopefully the fall-out will be worth the pleasure. Not sure if mine was

Shinners23

i'm currently in the same situation. Its 4.5 years going - now its habit and I cant seem to let go - so dont' think its been worth it to be honest - for anyone in the same situation - it WILL end in tears and as my situation is due to end at some stage I guarantee those tears will be mine.

Anti

Dont see anything wrong with this myself. Go for it OP. Oh... And on a side not, since you like to experiment and push the boundries. Give her a cleavland steamer.

Marksie

Shinners23 wrote:

i'm currently in the same situation. Its 4.5 years going - now its habit and I cant seem to let go - so dont' think its been worth it to be honest - for anyone in the same situation - it WILL end in tears and as my situation is due to end at some stage I guarantee those tears will be mine.

Sounds like you have stepped over the boundary from no attachment to attachment. Which is always a risk

The Corinthian

What I'd be concerned about with any fsckbuddy relationship is two things.

First of all, while you both claim that there's nothing else but sex and some superficial level of friendship, having sex with someone on that regular a basis will inevitably create a bond, albeit a pretty twisted and confused one. After all, while you say you don't care, how would you feel if she got a boyfriend tomorrow and terminated the arrangement? More than a bit put out, would be my guess - lack of nookie aside.

Secondly, you need to bare in mind that fsckbuddies are an impediment to normal (for lack of a better word) relationships. If you're getting your sexual needs seen to on a regular basis, it will decrease your impetus to get a girlfriend. You might meet someone new, only to decide that the initial effort is not worth it, given you're getting all you need elsewhere.

Beyond that take care and have fun.

hanni1234

I had the same scenario couple years back. Well only lasted about 3 months because even though she said she didnt want anything serious, i started to get the impression she did and got freaked out. Dont think thatll last forever mate. She obviously likes you and is just acting like she thinks u want her to ask. She'll soon crack and do ur head in :mad:

Shinners23

Marksie, defo agree with you. Honestly, my emotions have only come into play in the last year and a half. Definate downside of the whole experience.

Pyjamarama

hanni1234 wrote:

I had the same scenario couple years back. Well only lasted about 3 months because even though she said she didnt want anything serious, i started to get the impression she did and got freaked out. Dont think thatll last forever mate. She obviously likes you and is just acting like she thinks u want her to ask. She'll soon crack and do ur head in :mad:

Bit of a generalisation there - he might develop feelings for her that aren't reciprocated and he might be the one to get hurt. I'd imagine one of you will develop feeling for the other at some stage, like any relationship someone will end up hurt when it ends but that's life isn't it?!

Marksie

Shinners23 wrote:

Marksie, defo agree with you. Honestly, my emotions have only come into play in the last year and a half. Definate downside of the whole experience.

Can be, there are many types of relationship Shinners23. There are even those which allow for non-monogamy and emotional involvement. Difficult to do though tbh.

Has he feelings for you or is it one way?

The Corinthian

I agree with you that if you are getting sex it decreases your need for a partner.. I only realised this the last year I even stayed in a disfunctional on-off relationship its only now I'm trying to just have a normal relationship with somone after this.

Regarding a fcuk buddy it is possible for an arrangement like this to work without feeling
I've done it the last 4 years with the guy I lost my virginity too(never while I was involved with anyone serious though) but he has slept with me when he's been in realtionship as he doesn't believe in monogamy:rolleyes:

His girlfriends never bothered me as I wouldn't consider anyone he knew after me a threat to our arrangement and considering he is heavily involved it happens less than every 2-3 months nowadays

The Corinthian wrote:

What I'd be concerned about with any fsckbuddy relationship is two things.

First of all, while you both claim that there's nothing else but sex and some superficial level of friendship, having sex with someone on that regular a basis will inevitably create a bond, albeit a pretty twisted and confused one. After all, while you say you don't care, how would you feel if she got a boyfriend tomorrow and terminated the arrangement? More than a bit put out, would be my guess - lack of nookie aside.

Secondly, you need to bare in mind that fsckbuddies are an impediment to normal (for lack of a better word) relationships. If you're getting your sexual needs seen to on a regular basis, it will decrease your impetus to get a girlfriend. You might meet someone new, only to decide that the initial effort is not worth it, given you're getting all you need elsewhere.

Beyond that take care and have fun.

Shinners23

Marksie wrote:

Can be, there are many types of relationship Shinners23. There are even those which allow for non-monogamy and emotional involvement. Difficult to do though tbh.

Has he feelings for you or is it one way?

There is just a massive attraction between us even still. I get on with all his mates and its cool. I couldn't even describe our relationship in words to be honest... a weird one. We have actually sat down sooo anytimes and admitted that we have to stop messing around but we never seem to set that in stone. we will just keep going the way we are. We both see other people also!!

Miss Fluff

bugler wrote:

Enjoy it while it lasts, as it will all go tits up eventually.

Not necessarily, they both seem to have their heads screwed on and are having great sex. What's the big deal? F8ck buddy situations are definitely workable, if you are both enjoying it and being safe, go with it, enjoy it and don't overthink it.

biko

I might/will get slated for this but I have had FB and the reason it happened was that the girl was into me and I simply used her without wanting to commit. I was young at the time and feel crap about it now when you're a young man that is def an option in your mind. Having the cake and eating it when you feel like it.
This is pretty much my view on how FB works and why it's usually a bad idea.

The Corinthian

I'm sorry... I kind of missed the bit where you point out it's a bad idea...

Marksie

Shinners23 wrote:

There is just a massive attraction between us even still. I get on with all his mates and its cool. I couldn't even describe our relationship in words to be honest... a weird one. We have actually sat down sooo anytimes and admitted that we have to stop messing around but we never seem to set that in stone. we will just keep going the way we are. We both see other people also!!

Its a difficult dynamic, does your other partners know?

Its not necessarily weird, just different from the conventional.

The thing is if you feel it is stopping you establishing a more conventional realtionship, and its something you want then you will have to make the decision to stop it.

Though you say you have massive attraction its one thing, but do both of your feelings extend deeper towards each other?

OP: it is a consideration that you have to make as well that at some point emotions may begin to enter the equation, how you handle that possibility should be discussed

Talliesin

fcukbuddy wrote:

Yet when people find out about this they are appalled!!

Some people are appalled when they find out I eat meat.

These people's morality about killing animals for food differs from mine. Knowing that there are people in the world that have a different view of the morality of killing animals for food, I tend not to be at all shocked when I meet with a particular example of such.

Surely you know that there are people in the world that don't approve of being casual lovers with someone? If not, I'm telling you now. There is no longer any need to be surprised at their reactions.

Maybe they're right, maybe they're not. That's one for humanities or whichever of the religious forums might be appropriate to you. If you don't feel it's wrong, then why are you concerned about other disapproving? Better to be immoral in some people's eyes than to be a moral coward and not live by your own convictions.

As to the concerns about how this could go, well such situations can work out well in one of two ways; you have fun either indefinitely or until you part ways amicably or else you both fall for each other at the same time. They can go badly in one of two ways; either you fall for your lover and they don't reciprocate, or vice versa.

As such it's an undertaking that carries a degree of risk. This means it has something in common with almost every worthwhile endeavour (as well as many pointless endeavours, it has to be said).

Really, there are a lot of things worse in life than falling for someone who doesn't reciprocate your feelings. Some people act like it is though; look at the type of straight people who won't even be friends with members of the opposite sex in case they fall for them. Personally, that seems like a horribly timid way to half-live ones life. In the end though, even that situation can be handled well and give joy as well as pain if you've the guts to live deliberately and the gumption to take what you can from the situation and not take what you can't.

PeakOutput

as long as no1 is going to get hurt then imo its not a problem and its also no1 elses business

i had an arrangement like that going until recently and it worked out fine everyone knew where they stood and no1 got hurt.......she started seeing someone else so that was the end of it i dont care and she certainly doesnt care

I have also kinda tried this with an ex and imo that should be stayed away from as much as possible as the chances are one of you will get attached and hurt again

Talliesin wrote:

Really, there are a lot of things worse in life than falling for someone who doesn't reciprocate your feelings.

absolutely agree in hindsight as im sure most people would but i think we can also all agree that when it happens it can definitely feel like the worst thing in the world

Marksie

In the end, everything we do has consequences. I guess, if you make the conscious decisions, aware of both the positive and negative possibilities that is all that is required.

No-one else can or should judge, condemn or condone what happens.

8k2q1gfcz9s5d4

fcukbuddy wrote:

Ok i have a friend for a couple of years, we are both 23. Basically we could meet up once a week for a good session of sex. Some weeks it could be 2 or 3 times some weeks it might not happen.

SO a typical week could involve her coming to mine we'll watch a bit of TV then go to my room ( i rent with another guy_) we have have sex and a couple of hours later she leaves, same when i go to hers.

On a weekend i could get a txt off her a t midnight to say she's really horny and she wants to meet up i do likewise and we meet up and have sex.

I have no feelings for her apart from i really like the sex she is the same. Neither of us have had a partner, we dont go to the cinema or for dinner though sometimes we will go out for a few drinks together.

We experiment and push the boundaries with sex.

Yet when people find out about this they are appalled!!

just fcuk buddies, id consider myself lucky!!

Cheese Princess

Just go for it. If you spent your life only doing what other people approve of you wouldn't be you.

I've been in a similar situation 3 times:
1 it was fine for a while, then I went off travelling, later turned out the guy was gay all along, must have been using me to cover up, didn't bother me, it was fine while it lasted.
2 Disaster because I totally fell for him and it wasn't reciprocated.
3 Great arrangement while we lived together for a few months, both ended up seeing other people around the same time and finished our little arrangement when that happened.

So as long as you're both on the same page and there aren't any hidden agendas it's fine.

aidan24326

No problem at all in what you're doing and you don't have to seek anyone else's approval. Anybody who doesn't like/'is appalled' at what you're doing is either jealous or really needs to get out more. Nobody else's business anyway. Enjoy your cosy little arrangement while it lasts.

Dampsquid

fcukbuddy wrote:

We experiment and push the boundaries with sex.

So you did it with you on top AND then with her on top????

Dave!

Thaedydal wrote:

Some people are applalled not everyone.

As long as you practice safer sex and are both clear on what they relationship is about and what the rules are then have fun.

Indeed.

YOU JAM-BAG!!!

A Primal Nut

fcukbuddy wrote:

Ok i have a friend for a couple of years, we are both 23. Basically we could meet up once a week for a good session of sex. Some weeks it could be 2 or 3 times some weeks it might not happen.

SO a typical week could involve her coming to mine we'll watch a bit of TV then go to my room ( i rent with another guy_) we have have sex and a couple of hours later she leaves, same when i go to hers.

On a weekend i could get a txt off her a t midnight to say she's really horny and she wants to meet up i do likewise and we meet up and have sex.

I have no feelings for her apart from i really like the sex she is the same. Neither of us have had a partner, we dont go to the cinema or for dinner though sometimes we will go out for a few drinks together.

We experiment and push the boundaries with sex.

Yet when people find out about this they are appalled!!

They are? Are they living in the early 20th century. Are they serious Christians/Muslims/Jews. There is usually some weird explanation. Or did you just feel like boasting about it?

Bottle_of_Smoke

Only had this situation once, but feelings eventually got dragged in, fair play that it's working.

_Kaiser_

Been in this situation as well a few years back for a few months.

Like others have said, it can work fine as long as both sides know where they stand and are happy with the arrangement. If that changes (she eventually wanted more) it's time to call a halt to it.

Enjoy it while it lasts OP.. just be aware it probably won't that's all.

Demonique

fcukbuddy wrote:

Yet when people find out about this they are appalled!!

Because they're not getting any themselves

Pigman II

Nah nothing wrong with it at all. Although it does become a bit of a pain in the arse if the other person suddenly decides they want to stop. "I think you've had enough". "I think you're going to know when I've had enough" etc etc

There probably should be a rule that people have go into with them with some sort of contract-type arrangement beforehand so both people would know where they stand. A key feature would be you have to give a months notice if you want to quit so that when reservations kick in (and they always do) you've at least got time to find another ship to hop onto.

comongethappy

As long as you're both single - I say take full advantage and enjoy it while it lasts! The minute either of you hook up though - end it. Oh yeah, and practise safe sex

txt_mess

Sounds like a grand idea on paper and can't see anything wrong with it.

But not too be old fashioned but sex is one of the most intimate things we get up to and a lot of feelings involved whether you realise it yet or not just be careful not to screw yourself or her over since you are mates.

Firetrap

It's between two consenting adults and you both know where you stand. I see nowt wrong with that.