Zombies!!!

Duggy747

This has always been a good source of pub talk.

Okay, so you wake up one morning, there's nobody in the house and so you decide to nip down to the shop. Suddenly you're greeted with hordes upon hordes of zombies (The quick ones from 2004 Dawn of the Dead). After gleefully shítting you're pants you run home, change your pants, and turn on the TV where the news is covering a worldwide zombie infestation.

What would you do??

Invite them in and make them watch peter jacksons braindead

Nevyn

Easy I would put into play the plan of action which I had put together based of the recommendation from the book

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Zombie_Survival_Guide.

And no I am not sharing my plans there is only room in the strong hold for so many and they have been carefully selected by thier skill base and phyc profile.

http://www.randomhouse.com/crown/worldwarz/
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/World_War_Z

Tar.Aldarion

I would soon look like the guy in your sig OP.

Spud83

Probably get drunk everything seems better with alcohol.

OctavarIan

I'd find somewhere to wait it out while the Irish security forces did their job.

Wait...

Archeron

I think they prefer to be known as the "existentially challenged"

On another note, how do you gleefully sh*t yourself?

Spud83

Archeron wrote:

On another note, how do you gleefully sh*t yourself?

It when you **** yourself but kind of enjoy the relieving feeling even if you are slightly embarrassed.

Blitzkrieger

When you really, really, really, really, really..........really have to go?

I'd head for craggy island.

Duggy747

Archeron wrote:

On another note, how do you gleefully sh*t yourself?

Em............I dunno, I'm trying to be PC here, maybe people like Zombies or..........sorry, I mean the "existentially challenged" community.

Me, I'd probably lose my mind for about a day and after I gathered myself together I'd get hold of a car and get myslef to the nearset R.D.F army camp and stock up on weaponary..........though that plan would probably fall to pieces before it even begins.

coolsmileygirl wrote:

Invite them in and make them watch peter jacksons braindead

You mad, woman? You wanna give 'em ideas?

Spud83

It would be grand the Americans would classify them as terriosts and come over bomb the **** of our country and instate Arnold as our president.

Duggy747

alanmurphy83 wrote:

instate Arnold as our president.

"Excuse me, don't wake Ireland. They're DEAD tired!!"

Ah, Arnie, you poet!

Spud83

Duggy747 wrote:

Ah, Arnie, you poet!

Thats Mr.Terminator or Mr. Future President to me and you!!!

I would set up a seperate thread for fav Mr.Terminator quotes but i scared its been done before and will be murdered by the boards.ie police. They know where I live.

Duggy747

alanmurphy83 wrote:

would set up a seperate thread for fav Mr.Terminator quotes but i scared its been done before and will be murdered by the boards.ie police. They know where I live.

Head over here:

http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2055107768

Though myself and AlmightyCushion filled out most of Arnie's quotes!

FunkZ

Duggy747 wrote:

you're greeted with hordes upon hordes of zombies

ACID! I'd definitely do acid for the first time!

Thrill

LazyFingers wrote:

ACID! I'd definitely do acid for the first time!

Yeah, me too.

If your going down, you might as well be high.

Me and all my non zombified neighbours would be like the A team, converting all our cars into tanks with whatever materials are at hand and crush the zombie menace.

DaBreno

- Feed the wife to the zombies
- Setup a Harem for myself like Ive always wanted.
- Raid the local off-licence.
- Aquire firearms and shoot those I dont like.
- Amass the greatest porn collection in the country

Settle back and enjoy retirement.

MikeHoncho

Get to somewhere that can only be reached by a ladder (attic room, roof etc) with as much food supplies as possible. If needs be I will do daytime reconasaince missions and ration runs with my trusty 7 iron for back up. Hopefully on one of the runs I will come across some kind of sniper rifle which I can use to pick of approaching zombies from a distance. So basically sit on my roof wait it out for the zombie population to starve to death while I chow down on Mars bars and cans of Bulmers.

Duggy747

MikeHoncho wrote:

So basically sit on my roof wait it out for the zombie population to starve to death while I chow down on Mars bars and cans of Bulmers.

Ah, but if George A. Romero thought us anything is that they don't need their organs at all. They just have an instinct to feed thus we'd be waiting a while until they crumble from decomposition!

I'd get myself a big dog companion and during the day we (and hopefully a misfit of characters, presumably whatever neighbours are left!) set about in an armoured Transit van, clean our town out and set up parimeters. Though, knowing the Irish somebody would recommend raiding the off-license (as DeBreno suggested) and we'd all go and do that 1st.

Kinetic^

Ride the hole off them!!!

Duggy747

Kenny 5 wrote:

Ride the hole off them!!!

Eurgh, they'd be all cold and squidghy!! I think the saying goes:

Crack open a cold one!

Never mind raiding the off licence, thats small time. Steal a truck/van or whatever and find your local cash and carry. Pallets of beer and mars bars instead of few measly cases! Barricade yourself in and your set for ages.

Duggy747

Deleted User wrote:

Never mind raiding the off licence, thats small time. Steal a truck/van or whatever and find your local cash and carry. Pallets of beer and mars bars instead of few measly cases! Barricade yourself in and your set for ages.

Yea, but raiding a warehouse full of pallets would turn me off. If horror movies have thought me anything it's never go into a dark warehouse (presuming nobody's operating the electricity). Sneaky zombies would just suddenly pop out at ya and then *CHOMP!*

I'd have to make my way to an army base and load my armoured Transit full of Styer rifles, Beren guns (Rambo-ish guns) and every last bit of ammo! THEN I'd go into a dark warehouse.

Oh, I'd break into a clothes shop and get some dark clothes like combats and a trench-coat, give you that "I've been through it all" look!

Duggy747

Duggy747 wrote:

Yea, but raiding a warehouse full of pallets would turn me off. If horror movies have thought me anything it's never go into a dark warehouse (presuming nobody's operating the electricity). Sneaky zombies would just suddenly pop out at ya and then *CHOMP!*

I'd have to make my way to an army base and load my armoured Transit full of Styer rifles, Beren guns (Rambo-ish guns) and every last bit of ammo! THEN I'd go into a dark warehouse.

Good point, I should have thought of that, damn it!
Big ware houses are easy to defend - no windows, few doors which could easily be barricaded with VERY heavy pallets. Enough food and water/beer to last for years

biko

I for one welcome our new zombie overlords

Duggy747

Deleted User wrote:

Good point, I should have thought of that, damn it!
Big ware houses are easy to defend - no windows, few doors which could easily be barricaded with VERY heavy pallets. Enough food and water/beer to last for years

Hmm, we seem to be veering onto Dawn Of The Dead territory: People shacked up in a shopping mall living of everything..............sweet!! Though eventually you'd run outta food and ya gotta move!! Oh well, pack up the Transit and make your way to another shopping centre.

Kill time by hanging around on the roof picking the bastards off!

thelordofcheese

Duggy747 wrote:

Yea, but raiding a warehouse full of pallets would turn me off. If horror movies have thought me anything it's never go into a dark warehouse (presuming nobody's operating the electricity). Sneaky zombies would just suddenly pop out at ya and then *CHOMP!*

I'd have to make my way to an army base and load my armoured Transit full of Styer rifles, Beren guns (Rambo-ish guns) and every last bit of ammo! THEN I'd go into a dark warehouse.

Oh, I'd break into a clothes shop and get some dark clothes like combats and a trench-coat, give you that "I've been through it all" look!

Anyone who wears a trench-coat in a zombie scenario is asking to be eaten.
Not for any tatical reasons (though anything flowy is a bad idea seeing as zombies like to grab, then bite), but just because you deserve it for wearing a trenchcoat.

Duggy747

thelordofcheese wrote:

Anyone who wears a trench-coat in a zombie scenario is asking to be eaten.
Not for any tatical reasons (though anything flowy is a bad idea seeing as zombies like to grab, then bite), but just because you deserve it for wearing a trenchcoat.

Hmm, you're right. The Anti-Hero who wears a trench-coat and has a gravely voice (which I don't have, the fags will sort that out) always kicks ass and dosen't care about anyone but he sacrifices himself in the end to let everyone else escape from some bizzare situation cuz he's learned to love. Fúck that!! Every man for himself!!

cheeky_guy

Id point them in the direction of the nearest halting site and say 'Start there lads'!!

Feral Mutant

Duggy747 wrote:

Em............I dunno, I'm trying to be PC here, maybe people like Zombies or..........sorry, I mean the "existentially challenged" community.

They exist, they're just electroencephalographically challenged.

Get food and weapons. Then go upstairs and take a sledgehammer to it to stop them following. Or just go into my back garden, zombies don't clmb walls. Also, go to the local animal centre and release all the animals (particularly dogs) to speed up the decomposition process. Then wait it out.

SteveS

alanmurphy83 wrote:

It would be grand the Americans would classify them as terriosts and come over bomb the **** of our country and instate Arnold as our president.

Nope, you guys on on your own.

Setun

I'd armour up a car and treat those zombeh bastids to a game of Carmageddon.

Spyral

Quote:
Originally Posted by Kenny 5
Ride the hole off them!!!

Eurgh, they'd be all cold and squidghy!! I think the saying goes:

Crack open a cold one!

dead women cant say no :P

thefinalstage

I want to read those books, are they in Easons?

You people have to create plans to survive on something you have, guaranteed. How many other people would raid the local shop?

The first stage of my plan is to buy a generator (a decent, hard wearing one) than to stock up on food and water. Get a satellite broadband connection relayed from a foreign country. Maybe they weren't infected yet? Clear as many zombies as possible and move the corpses away. Using gloves due to the lack of knowledge about the method of infection. Than look for survivors making sure that none of them have cracked. Wait for 1 month, constantly sending signals. If unsuccessful its time to scavenge.

If it happened before my plan is put into motion than I would get a gas mask, as many containers as possible and let the water run. If the water was polluted onward to a supermarket to scavenge.

Omnipresence

First off I'd pay very close attention to this list:

http://www.zombiephiles.com/eat-my-brains/zombie-outbreak-ten-worst-things-to-do/



Dunno... i'd probably make my way to a port and commandeer myself a big ship... chill out for a while zombie free... get over to america.. there i'd make my way across the states (after finding a mustang shelby gt - getting my mad max mode on)

From there I'd make my way out to area 51 and see whats really in those hangars and maybe take a trip to the pentagon to see who really shot jr i mean kennedy



p.s. reading stephen kings zombie fest "Cell" at the moment

SimpleSam06

Big issue a lot of people are missing here, is what caused teh zombeh plague in the first place? Biologicals? Chemicals? Radiation? Black magic opening a gate to the other side allowing tormented fiends across to wreak havoc in the bodies of the recently dead? And more importantly, is it still happening?

I mean has anyone thought about zombeh midges? One sting and you're among the tomb herd!!

What you want for maximum security is a nearly hermetically sealed environment with higher air pressure than the outside world, from a pump run on flowing water or maybe a genny, filtering the outside air. That takes care of your microbiological and chemical agents. You also need about four feet of concrete around you to nix most deadly cosmic zombeh making radiations, or a few inches of lead is fine too.

Mostly in case of zombeh assaults you will be caught with your pants down, so assuming you don't get brain eater-ed in the first place, you need to think what would be the most common sense logical thing to do, then do the opposite, since everyone else will be doing it, and playing right into the hands of teh zombeh hordes. For the love of jesus stay away from malls.

Short term, stay mobile, don't pick the first place with four walls and call it home for the next half century. Gather as many like minded citizens as possible (remember, you don't need to outrun the zombies, just your friends), raid a shop that sells leather goods (damn hard to bite through) and motorbike helmets, and procure short stabbing weapons of some sort (easy in-easy out debrainers, rabbit punches will do in most zombehs with them). Riot shields would be ideal too but who are we kidding.

Mid to long term a spot with one or more sides inaccessable, such as a house looking out on a river, or an island is ideal, somewhere with a greenhouse. Keep deep flowing water handy wherever possible. Somewhere with an acre of topsoil would be nice too. Get your hands on as many seed crops and beasties as you can, even rabbits, and set up your own little commune within the security of your area.

Raid as many supplies from every damn place as you can at the start of the outbreak, while the going is good.

FlutterinBantam

Head for the jacks,lock the door, and have the mother and father of a shíte.

Talliesin

Archeron wrote:

I think they prefer to be known as the "existentially challenged"

Existentially challenged?

"Erggh! Zombie is condemned to be free! Arghh!"?

Anto McC

I'd wouldn't turn back anyway. I'd continue on to the shop to pick up my sausages and rashers. Fighting zombies is hard work and is not to be done on an empty stomach

Black Swan

Give them laptops and register them for boards, then they can join the rest of us zombies.

Blitzkrieger

SimpleSam06 wrote:

or an island is ideal

Have you not seen Land of the Dead? :eek:

I think the most important thing is selecting people to join your group. You have to stay away from all the macho types who'll do something risky and end up killing everyone. No bleeding hearts who'll risk the whole group to save a ****ing dog either. My plan is to surround myself with mean little old ladies - there's no killing those ****ers......

thefinalstage

Blitzkrieger wrote:

Have you not seen Land of the Dead? :eek:

I think the most important thing is selecting people to join your group. You have to stay away from all the macho types who'll do something risky and end up killing everyone. No bleeding hearts who'll risk the whole group to save a ****ing dog either. My plan is to surround myself with mean little old ladies - there's no killing those ****ers......

You forget that some peoples psychopathic tendencies would emerge amongst all that killing. There would be a good few crazy bastards running around with chainsaws...

Xcom2

http://www.deathonline.net/decomposition/decomposition/index.htm

By Stage 5 (50days) we would be OK.

No chance of it even crawling let alone walking!

coyote6

There are some very good Zombie Invasion plans here. Much thought and much alcohol has gone into these plans.

My Zombie Invasion supply list.

1) Whiskey
2) Guns and Ammo
3) Big Petrol Truck
4) Mad Max gear (leather, mohawk, shoulder pads, etc.)
5) Good Soundtrack to Kill Zombies To (DJ OLIVE would be good)
6) Yummy Food
7) Cigars
8) Non-Zombie Womenfolk
9) Mean-Ass Dog
10) Mascot Monkey

Ruu_Old

Lock and load!

SimpleSam06

coyote6 wrote:

9) Mean-Ass Dog
10) Mascot Monkey

For a second there I read that as "mean ass-monkey" and I thought, whoah, you're really taking this mad max biker a-mouth-is-a-mouth deal seriously, aren't you?

pauldeehan

Do you ever notice that everyone always assumes they'll survive?

Looking at it honestly I'd probably be out in the streets shuffling along and moaning softly. Lads, could you throw your dead and any unwanted brains in my direction?

coyote6

SimpleSam06 wrote:

For a second there I read that as "mean ass-monkey" and I thought, whoah, you're really taking this mad max biker a-mouth-is-a-mouth deal seriously, aren't you?

Hopefully, even in Zombieland, I'd not find it necessary to become amorous with a monkey. He'd just be for style / mascot purposes in his cowboy hat, vest and gunbelt.

SimpleSam06

coyote6 wrote:

in his cowboy hat, vest and gunbelt.

Yup, train him to do the YMCA song there and he'll never be more stylish...

spooiirt!!

Its easy. Go up somewhere like the roof of a spar with an axe. Let down some ladder that lets the climb up one at a time. Then kill them one at a time. When you want a break you pull up the ladder.