Should i dump her?

LegacyUser

I turned on my computer today to find that my girlfriend hadn't looged out of her Hotmail account,Im ashamed to admit it but i read her emails,and much too my horror found out a few things i wasn't suppose to know about

There was this email about how my gf had been chatted up one night she was in a pub without me,now she did actually tell me she was chatted up but we both laughed it off and too be honest i didn't care
But in this email to her friend she said

oh my god i have some gossip for you!! This really goodlooking fella chatted me up yesterday,I was in a pub watching the match with my Da and saw him checking me out,at the end of the match my da went to the toilet and he came over and set down beside me,i was naughty and didn't tell him i had a boyfriend,he asked me to stay out drinking but i told him i was driving then my dad came back and it all just ended.
If i was single i'd be totally there.He was really my type,goodlooking and a sexy body,I can't stop thinking about him and would nearly love to see him,talk to him again,Maybe we'll be spending more time in that pub!!I know it's silly but i think i have a crush on him i couldn't stop thinking about him last night..


Then there was another email when her friend emailed her back which said..Still having fantasies about certain Gaa Followers?

To which my Girlfriend replied

No trying to forget about it,i was thinking what sort of a guy chats you up when your father is there and asks you to go drinking with a load of lads

To which her friend replied

I wouldn't mind that he only chatted you up when your dad left he was hardly gonna do it with him there

And the last email was

.I do find (me her boyfriend) really actractive but this fella was really my type when i was single maybe it was just a blast from the past

Victor

No.

easyontheeye

listen, relationship or not, we all like attention or to know "we still have it". Yes ok she was abit suggestive in her emails etc but havent we all the odd thought about a member of the opposite sex?

I think the fact that you read about your gf talking about a lad other than you that way is getting to you. To be honest i wouldnt like to read something like that either. You have to give her the benefit of the doubt that she wont cheat on you. It sounds like she was having alittle harmless fun.

Do you notice anything else from her? is she distant? is she still touchy feely with you , is there still a spark? dont dump her over that email alone. If her crush on this guy starts to interfere with your relationship you may have to consider "a chat"

MagicMarker

If my gf thought i was attractive but not really her type then i'd feel obliged to find someone who would think i am their type. For instance, if you go to said pub and said person is there, how would it feel knowing she can't keep her eyes off this guy and not you?

Tchocky

No, she's /done/ nothing. aaand you've been reading her e-mails
No-one likes hearing their bf/gf saying this stuff, but she's with you and not him.
She's got the legs in this situation

py2006

Jaysus, that would kill me!

Ok, you are going to get alot of people hoping on the "you shouldn't have read her emails" bandwagon which I guess is a fair point but sure we are all human and the temptation there is huge!

Anyway, wow that even hurt me just reading it. I can't imagine how you must be feeling.

How long are you going out if you don't mind me asking? If its only a couple months I would dump her straight away as she shouldnt be drooling over other blokes that quickly! If on the other hand your together 10 years or something then it could all be completely innocent and we all like to feel wanted by the oppposite sex now and then.

I hope its nothing more sinister than that though!

easyontheeye

py2006 wrote:

Jaysus, that would kill me!

Ok, you are going to get alot of people hoping on the "you shouldn't have read her emails" bandwagon which I guess is a fair point but sure we are all human and the temptation there is huge!

I agree , the fact of wether you should or shouldnt have read her emails is now irrelevant. You have seen it! I hate when ppl focus on the emails. the bigger issues are her thoughts

DublinWriter

easyontheeye wrote:

the bigger issues are her thoughts

I love the way some people in relationships become like The Thought Police to their partner.

OP - just because she's going out with you doesn't mean she should guage her eyes out so she can't look at other guys.

Don't tell me that you haven't had similar conversations about wimmin with the lads?

BackwardRussia

If I was in your position I would dump her. It's bad enough she has them thoughts about other guys but sharing them with people behind your back aswell is completely taking the piss out of you.

As was said before, the reading her emails isn't the problem here. We would ALL do it if we knew there was information about us in there and 0% chance of being caught.

easyontheeye

DublinWriter wrote:

I love the way some people in relationships become like The Thought Police to their partner.

OP - just because she's going out with you doesn't mean she should guage her eyes out so she can't look at other guys.

Don't tell me that you haven't had similar conversations about wimmin with the lads?

hey i never said that she cant have thoughts, if you read my first post you will see that i said that. her thoughts become an issue if she lets it interfere with their relationship

TonyD79

The fact she is saying the fella is her type but her boyfriend is great and all says it all. If it was the other way round you would have every girl writing on this thread how awful he is and she should dump him. Reckon u should bring her to the same pub with her father and dump her when he goes to the toilet!

Chinafoot

OP are you seriously saying you've never said to the lads "Jaysus if I was single I'd give her one"

What's the difference?

your_girlfriend wrote:

If i was single i'd be totally there

you_girlfriend wrote:

this fella was really my type when i was single

Yeah, what a bitch. How dare she enjoy a harmless flirtation which didn't go anywhere while taking you into consideration.

As for the "my type" thing. There are plenty of women out there in long term relationships with fellas that they would never have considered to be "their type". That doesn't mean they're going to run off when they meet a bloke they would have considered their type before they got into the relationship.

She said he was her type when she was single and has said that she's really attracted to you. She didn't do anything bar fancy some randomer. Perfectly natural and I'm sure you've experienced the same.

She was having a girly chat with her mate about a harmless fantasy that she said she was going to forget about. People in relationships can have crushes. It happens! It doesn't have to mean anything.

You should turn this into something positive and make an effort with her. Maybe do something to get her fantasising about you again. Oh and whatever you do, do not tell her you not only snooped in her emails but you then copied and pasted them on an internet forum.

Tchocky

The e-mails make a difference, yes. His reading them negates the thread title.
If you try to dump her, explaining why, you'll get dumped yourself

LegacyUser

py2006 wrote:

Jaysus, that would kill me!

Ok, you are going to get alot of people hoping on the "you shouldn't have read her emails" bandwagon which I guess is a fair point but sure we are all human and the temptation there is huge!

Anyway, wow that even hurt me just reading it. I can't imagine how you must be feeling.

How long are you going out if you don't mind me asking? If its only a couple months I would dump her straight away as she shouldnt be drooling over other blokes that quickly! If on the other hand your together 10 years or something then it could all be completely innocent and we all like to feel wanted by the oppposite sex now and then.

I hope its nothing more sinister than that though!

We've been going out almost 4 years and living together,I would never had any reason ever to think she would cheat on me
What really was not that she was chatted up or even if she flirted a little,what got me was the i think i have a crush on him and i couldn't stop thinking about him bit...
I was going to say something but we have a family wedding coming up on friday which she is bridesmaid and has been looking forward to it for so long so i'd hate to ruin this big day for her by causing a major row that might lead to a break up

Blackpitts

if i was you, i'd be more than happy to find out that my gf didn't cheat and preferred me at the end.

MagicMarker

Blackpitts wrote:

if i was you, i'd be more than happy to find out that my gf didn't cheat and preferred me at the end.

Well, she was with her dad and she was driving. Who knows what could have happened if the circumstances had of been different. What if the next time she's out with friends with a few drinks on her and sees this same guy?

py2006

1235142 wrote:

We've been going out almost 4 years and living together,I would never had any reason ever to think she would cheat on me
What really was not that she was chatted up or even if she flirted a little,what got me was the i think i have a crush on him and i couldn't stop thinking about him bit...
I was going to say something but we have a family wedding coming up on friday which she is bridesmaid and has been looking forward to it for so long so i'd hate to ruin this big day for her by causing a major row that might lead to a break up

Yea its bad enough saying she was chatted up by a bloke but to say she has a crush on him and can't stop thinking about him is a bit much to be honest!

Can you imagine her reaction if you sent a text to a mate saying there was this hot chick in the pub and you can't stop thinking about her and she is more your type than your current girlfriend! Dude, she would be extremely upset and angry and you would most likely dumped in a flash!

Your right to wait till after that wedding to saying but I think she may detect that you are a bit distracted over the next few days!

tbh

MagicMarker wrote:

Well, she was with her dad and she was driving. Who knows what could have happened if the circumstances had of been different. What if the next time she's out with friends with a few drinks on her and sees this same guy?

Well then you better make sure that she's not wanting for anything. You did what you did, it's happened, but don't do it again. As for your girlfriend, judge her by her actions - not her words. The boot may very well be on the other foot one day, so you need to keep this in perspective. I would listen carefully to the people who tell you you are a lucky man. In short: get over it.

You read her emails, you post them on the internet, you freak out that she looked at another guy and said she'd forget about him. :rolleyes:
Reminds me of my friend's bf. Spends the whole night ignoring his gf and talks to our other friend, and then throws a hissy fit when he thinks she's glancing at fellas at another table.
You're an idiot. Get over it and feel ashamed for distrusting your gf for no reason whatsoever.

davyjose

I wouldn't dump her. TBH, I'd just say it to her - because your heads going to be wreckedd if you don't. Then I'm sure there'll be a bit of a row because you checked her mails. But at least it won't be left to fester in your head, because if it does your relationship will probably fall apart anyway.

My opinion is that it's a natural reaction. If a hot girl came up to you, you'd be very flattered, and probably start to daydream about some hot, romantic affair, instead of the mundanity of a long-term relationship, but that would pass and her love for you would remain.

Bottle_of_Smoke

TBH, I'd just say it to her - because your heads going to be wreckedd if you don't

Are you mental? She fancies the arse off some guy who tried to chat her up. She'll obviously add snooping to her pro/con list for staying with her boyfriend.

OP - She fancied someone else, it's human nature. However she made her excuses to him so why not just try & impress her to make sure her eye stops wandering?

I'm pretty sure it's these type threads that have stopped me from even reading a significant other's text messages. Ignorance IS bliss.

LegacyUser

She didn't do anything wrong.

Did U never fancy another girl ?

It's no harm to look ...

py2006

bluewolf wrote:

You're an idiot. Get over it and feel ashamed for distrusting your gf for no reason whatsoever.

Eh, no reason??? Did you actually read the post??? This wasn't mere glancing at a memeber of the opposite sex!

Oh and the insult was completely unnessessary!

vorbis

bluewolf is right, you're over reacting in a big way.
NOTHING actually happened. She thought some other guy was sexy, wow!
I actually find girls other than my girlfriend attractive, it doesn't mean that I want to sleep with them ( well I would if i was single )

davej

Man - you snoop her emails and then post them up verbatim on an internet forum. You are the one with the dubious moral character.

Also I notice you didn't actually ask any questions in your post or seek any advice - seems like you just wanted to post a story to see the reaction..

davej

CaroleLynch

MagicMarker wrote:

If my gf thought i was attractive but not really her type then i'd feel obliged to find someone who would think i am their type. For instance, if you go to said pub and said person is there, how would it feel knowing she can't keep her eyes off this guy and not you?

I would not break up with your girlfriend.. she was probably having a good flirt.. that is all.. there is no harm in that. When it comes to someones type - you may be attracted more to someone, but that person may not be the person that you fall in love with... its the person and the personality that someone falls inlove with not looks, if you manage to get both, then happy days..

Let us know how you get on!;)

CaroleLynch

davej wrote:

Man - you snoop her emails and then post them up verbatim on an internet forum. You are the one with the dubious moral character.

Also I notice you didn't actually ask any questions in your post or seek any advice - seems like you just wanted to post a story to see the reaction..

davej

Completely agree with you Dave..

py2006

py2006 wrote:

Eh, no reason??? Did you actually read the post??? This wasn't mere glancing at a memeber of the opposite sex!

Oh and the insult was completely unnessessary!

No, it wasn't. After 4 years she flirts a bit and feels reassured she's still got it. Flattered by the attention, then dismisses it as a "blast from the past".
OP, assuming this is all serious, flips out.

Perhaps the OP would be more comfortable if she never talked to members of the opposite sex ever again :rolleyes:
Maybe this isn't serious. /looks hopeful

tinkerbell

OP - you are totally overreacting. It was totally harmless, she's flattered by the attention, nothing happened and here's you snooping through her emails! You shouldn't be snooping in the first place anyway!

Jack B. Badd

py2006 wrote:

Yea its bad enough saying she was chatted up by a bloke but to say she has a crush on him and can't stop thinking about him is a bit much to be honest!

py2006, have you ever been in a relationship? The naiveté of your posts suggests you haven't.

OP, you can't stop your partner looking at other men any more than she can stop you looking at other women. If you think you can then you're living in cloud cuckoo land. What's important is that she doesn't act on it (and from the sound of her emails she hasn't - and her gossiping with her mate is not acting on it). And imo you're the bad guy for checking her emails - in my book that's the dumpable offence!

Talliesin

Yes. You are not ready for an adult relationship. It would be cruel for you to keep playing her along like this when you're probably going to end up dumping her over something equally arbitrary and pointless down the line. Dump her now, rather than later.

py2006

Jack B. Badd wrote:

py2006, have you ever been in a relationship? The naiveté of your posts suggests you haven't.

Eh, where did that come from? Where did I suggest that???

Jack B. Badd wrote:

OP, you can't stop your partner looking at other men any more than she can stop you looking at other women. If you think you can then you're living in cloud cuckoo land.

If you read his post properly you will see that he didnt mind her being chatted up. And I don't think he suggested or said anywhere that she cant look at men!!!

"He was really my type,goodlooking and a sexy body,I can't stop thinking about him and would nearly love to see him,talk to him again,Maybe we'll be spending more time in that pub!!I know it's silly but i think i have a crush on him i couldn't stop thinking about him last night.."

Come on, be real! If anybody read this from their other half they would be very upset! If this wouldn't bother you then maybe your a bit naive. If I found out my gf had a "crush" on another man and "can't stop thinking about him" and finds him to be more "her type" than me I would certainly be upset!

OP, I guess it would be a bit much to dump her outright based on this. I can't blame you for being upset about this. I would be hurt too. I would wait a while and see what happens.

py2006

py2006 wrote:

"He was really my type,goodlooking and a sexy body,I can't stop thinking about him and would nearly love to see him,talk to him again,Maybe we'll be spending more time in that pub!!I know it's silly but i think i have a crush on him i couldn't stop thinking about him last night.."

Come on, be real! If anybody read this from their other half they would be very upset! If this wouldn't bother you then maybe your a bit naive. If I found out my gf had a "crush" on another man and "can't stop thinking about him" and finds him to be more "her type" than me I would certainly be upset!

Except it's followed with

I do find (me her boyfriend) really actractive but this fella was really my type when i was single maybe it was just a blast from the past

This fell WAS my type WHEN I WAS SINGLE

Also, it doesn't say "more my type than my bf".

davyjose

Bottle_of_Smoke wrote:

Are you mental? She fancies the arse off some guy who tried to chat her up. She'll obviously add snooping to her pro/con list for staying with her boyfriend.

Well if thats enough to tip it over the edge, then really he's better off doing it. If she's making a pro/con list, then he needs out ASAP!!! At least my way, if they row and stay togather he'll know she wants him!!!

py2006

bluewolf wrote:

Except it's followed with


This fell WAS my type WHEN I WAS SINGLE

Also, it doesn't say "more my type than my bf".

Fair enough. Perhaps the OP and myself are of similar mind! I guess it wouldn't upset everybody! Perhaps he is being over sensitive! I don't blame him though as I would react the same way!

summerwine

I'd just be happy that she isn't doing the dirt! How many times have you met someone you fancy and flirted with! As far as im concerned you can look and flirt but def not touch! Sounds like you have a very nice loyal girlfriend there.

Fellas keep thoughts like that to ourselves. Women tell their friends. Its just harmless fun!

Ps. If you dump her will you give me her fone no. !!!!

Jack B. Badd

py2006 wrote:

"He was really my type,goodlooking and a sexy body,I can't stop thinking about him and would nearly love to see him,talk to him again,Maybe we'll be spending more time in that pub!!I know it's silly but i think i have a crush on him i couldn't stop thinking about him last night.."

Come on, be real! If anybody read this from their other half they would be very upset! If this wouldn't bother you then maybe your a bit naive. If I found out my gf had a "crush" on another man and "can't stop thinking about him" and finds him to be more "her type" than me I would certainly be upset!

In this situation the OP didn't "read this from their other half", he read it behind her back. Her thoughts are her own, and the OP would do well to realise that. Sure, it's hurtful but, going on the evidence available, she hasn't done anything except engaged in a little bit of harmless oogling and flirting. He can't control that and he'll drive himself mad trying to. OP, do you really think you're the only man she'll ever look at while she's with you?
And a crush is defined as "an intense but usually short-lived infatuation". Infatuation is the operative word in that definition.

LegacyUser

IMO OP you shouldnt dump her.
I can see why you are upset, its not the most flattering thing to read.

I dont see how its the same as a throw-away remark ' I'd give her one etc' as others suggest.
As she's emailed to her friend and replied, its more like multiple remarks
and I think its alittle more disrespectful than a remark.
Even though you werent meant to see it!!

But thats about the only thing she did which is slightly negative.
Fancying others isnt reason to be dumped its natural, Acting on that is what gets one dumped.

Mr. Incognito

well you opened Pandora's box.

Oh MY GOD! My girlfriend got chatted up. NOOOOOOoooooooooooo!

Get over it. As I said to someone yesterday.

Your general nosiness is almost greater or equal to your paranoia.

Maple

you should not dump your girlfriend. end of. yes, what you read was hurtful but it was a private conversation and most probably a few one off the cuff remarks. Its just girlish chatter between friends, she's just nattering to her best friend. Honestly she didn't do anything untoward.

Sleepy

Yes, you should dump her. Not because she's been flirting with a randomer in a pub. Because she's a drama queen who if you're quoting directly sounds like a bit of a head wrecker tbh.

Seriously though, are you trying to say you don't get a kick out of it when a hot girl flirts with you/smiles at you in a club? It's totally normal OP.

electric69

no stick in there.if she gave him her number or was with him, then u may have a bit of trouble.imo its just bit of flirting and she was obv thinking of you when this was all going on.dont worry about it too much.

DaDa

Ah yes, good old technology... gotta love it, gotta hate it.

OP, by stooping as low as you did and reading your gf's emails you stepped over the line completely. In my mind that equates to temporarily getting "mind reading" powers. Think about any times your mind has wandered, or even any situations were temptation was put in front of you.

You should feel proud that someone wanted to chat her up, and it's clear she didn't follow through.

Stop judging her, and count yourself lucky you've not gone and done anything more stupid than reading her emails, and that you have a very normal gf as a partner.

muppetkiller

What you should do is confront her and say
"you really should remember to logout of your hotmail" and turn away laughing.
Then she'll be super Paranoid and be a bumbling mess lol.

or maybe she left it open so you'd freak out and dump her so she can be free of you ?

CrazyNoob

OP she didnt do anything wrong.

She's a little disrespectful emailing and replying etc its more than just a throw away comment.

But I wouldnt dump her for fancying someone thats natural

LegacyUser

It's your own fault for looking at her emails but she did take it a bit too far...

Reku

Just as you are free to fantasise about other girls when with her what is wrong with her fantasising about other guys?
As long as she didn't kiss him or anything I'd say she's done nothing wrong.
Her e-mail said she didn't tell him that she had a boyfriend, it doesn't say that she lied when asked, all she did was enjoying some flirting with a guy as long as it lead no-where it's harmless and most people do it whether they realise or not.

Leila4

davyjose wrote:

I wouldn't dump her. TBH, I'd just say it to her - because your heads going to be wreckedd if you don't. Then I'm sure there'll be a bit of a row because you checked her mails. But at least it won't be left to fester in your head, because if it does your relationship will probably fall apart anyway.

My opinion is that it's a natural reaction. If a hot girl came up to you, you'd be very flattered, and probably start to daydream about some hot, romantic affair, instead of the mundanity of a long-term relationship, but that would pass and her love for you would remain.

I think davyjose is spot on there, you have got to say it to her because if you don't it will eat you up inside and you will probably find it very hard to trust her in the future.
From a girl's point of view, in a serious long term relationship, i can understand how hurtful that all is to find out, but I really think it is nothing to really worry about and certainly nothing to dump her over, not after 4 years. You'll know yourself how secure your relationship is, and if she's ever cheated on you in the past. Every girl or guy wants to still feel attractive after being with someone for so long, and i dont think it'd be human not to develop harmless crushes along the way. As for girls talking to their mates about them, well, in my opinion and experience, thats what girls do! It's harmelss really and often exaggerated. However your own feelings shouldnt be dismissed as I know if i found something like that i would be devastated. Bottom line is, you need to talk it out before resentment sets in.

LegacyUser

I would dump her in a single second.IMHO there has to be some respect in relationship,you either in or out. Flirting is for the single people or cheaters.

Nevyn

what rubbish, people flirt all the time, and flirting does not mean you are going to cheat or step outside the bounds of your relationship.

togster

Thaedydal wrote:

what rubbish, people flirt all the time, and flirting does not mean you are going to cheat or step outside the bounds of your relationship.

Yes true to a degree. But not everyone thinks the same way. Some people consider this type of flirting a breach of trust and in turn a form of cheating. Its down to the individual.