Death of a Modem (Clearwire)

Brian McD

Dear Sir / Madam,

I've decided to terminate my contract with Clearwire immediately. I've been a loyal customer for over a year now. I've never complained about the crappy service and all received invoices have been paid in full.

However, last night all that changed. I was performing the usual ritual of re-orientating the little black "wireless" modem on top of my wardrobe in a futile effort to achieve the holy grail of 1 non-blinking light. I'd taken adequate precautions to ensure the operation would run smoothly… My multi-plug adaptor / extension lead was dragged across the room at head height (avoiding trip hazard). The transformer was plugged into that which in turn was pinched between the doors of the wardrobe (so it wouldn't drag on the modem). My ethernet cable was also suspended in mid air apart from a brief section which was tangled in my duvet cover. The modem itself of course needed more altitude than the wardrobe could provide and was therefore balancing on top of "Life Is Beautiful: Vita è Bella" DVD which was on top of Bjarne Stroustrup's C++ which was on top of the wardrobe.

It's difficult to determine which part of the apparatus started the chain reaction. Perhaps Indiana Jones style, I brushed off a cobweb, or inquisitively picked up an innocuous looking, yet apparently load-bearing toothbrush. The first hint I had of trouble was the sound of weighty granite stones grinding off each other. That was followed by squeaking pulleys, yet still there was no visible movement. I stood there frozen, half-aware that the damage had already been done. A machine more powerful than the sum of its parts, more powerful than I, had been set in motion. I was merely a spectator, possibly a participant, and potentially a victim in this unfolding opera of engineering.

The end of the grinding was dramatically punctuated by a whip-like action signalling the release of tension in my carefully constructed interweb. I believe it was the ethernet cable that struck the killer blow, but I find it hard to attribute all the blame to an inanimate piece of CAT5 when clearly poor signal quality was the real cause of the accident.

As the modem plummeted from its lofty perch, I wondered whether it would survive the collision with the floor. I needn't have worried, because it was never going to make it that far. The transformer cable drew taught as it wasn't released by the pinching wardrobe doors. Once the system came to rest (applied maths style), I patted myself down checking all was intact (3 fingers, 6 toes… check). The modem was dangling upside-down with no immediate physical signs of damage. Car crash victims often walk away from an accident seemingly uninjured only to realise later that they’ve sustained chronic whiplash. I checked it for light-signs. No lights, not even blinking ones. Gently, I set it upright. I tightened up its power cable, hoping for a light, any light… even the blinking lights which previously I'd loathed.

Nothing. Nothing. Bzzz. A blue spark, then nothing ever again. Call me crazy, but I believe as it is my right to do, that that little blue spark, was the soul of my modem saying goodbye as it went to rejoin the power grid, perhaps to power something else in a better place. A place with good signal quality no doubt.

Clearwire… wireless indeed.

Sincerely,
Brian McD

morgana

Sorry for your troubles but what a great report Chuckles all the way :rolleyes: :rolleyes:

Urban Weigl

Brilliant. I enjoyed reading that.

BostonB

Great post!