Mate got dumped, near suicidal - what to do?

LegacyUser

I got a call earlier from the girlfriend of a good friend of mine. She told me that a few days ago her and "Barry" had broken up. At the time it was all very calm, a mutual decision and aparantly he took it well.

However she said that he just popped round to see her and he was in a complete state. Shaking and almost hyperventalating. He was saying some pretty scary things like he can't cope and was going to hurt (kill?) himself -
Saying things like "I have written all my letters". I'm really worried.

He is a great guy, always really happy and friendly, so it is very strange to hear this. They had been together a very very long time and I assume he just can't immagine not being with her. It's situations like that where bad things can happen, so I want to do everythign I can to help.

I managed to get him on the phone, he was trying hard to keep it together, fairly quiet just saying, 'its not good, I just don't know'. I spent quite a while on the phone to him telling him that I know it must hurt incredibly bad, but not to get himself down and to try to stay positive, it will get better, the pain will subside etc. Just everything I can to try to steer him away form going into a spiral of depression and doing somehting stupid.

Anwyay I wanted to ask if anyone has experience of how best to deal with people in this situation and what would be recommended to say to try help.

All advice welcome
Thanks

Victor

I think the important thing is to be there for him, spend the night if you have to. Make sure he gets something to eat, gets some sleep and hasn't been drinking alcohol.

You will probably get better advice from someone like the Samaritans than random people on hte internet. Its OK, go ahead and phone them, its important.

Contact details here: http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=57416

redzerdrog

BrandonBlock wrote:

<snip>.

that is completely wrong and whatever you do do not listen to this advice. a friend of mine went thru the same thing when he split up with a girl. he went the trow himself into the river one night but didnt go thru with it so we taught if he was attention seeking and if he wanted to do it he would have went thru with that night. 2 weeks later he hung himself out his back garden.

just make sure your there for him is all i can say

dudara

Follow Victors advice. It's good stuff.

Drift

BrandonBlock wrote:

<snip>.

Thats not true. People who commit suicide very often mention it to someone close to them beforehand. OP I would recommend you contact one or some of the people listed in the section of the charter that deals with suicidal and self-harming tendencies. The link is in my signature below. They will have the best advice on which way to approach it because they have dealt with many similar situations.

af_thefragile

Heart breaks are a bitch. You cant help it... it even drives a completely normal person insane and suicidal. I know cuz i'm going thru one right now... Although i'm on the recovery mode...

The only thing that'll make him better is the support of friends and time. His ex is only gonna make things worse for him. He needs to realise its over and he needs to move on to find a new life. Its a really tough thing to do and without the help of his friends, it'll be really difficult to do it all on his own. The presence of his ex around him will only make it that much more difficult for him to move on.

So speak to him. Listen to him when he speaks. Let him take out all his **** out on you. He really needs an outlet. Bottling up all that **** in him is driving him suicidal. So you need to speak to him and listen to him to give him that outlet. First few weeks of a break up are one of the worst times of ur life. Just be there to support him all the time. Keep him surrounded with friends. Go out partying and stuff. Make him enjoy him life and make him realise he doesnt need a gf to enjoy his life....

It might take atleast a month even more till he completely recovers from it..
You need to be aware of that and try to support him all throughout this. He should be all back to normal in a while. Might take a few weeks/months but eventually he should be fine if you guys help him out.

arybvtcw0eolkf

BrandonBlock wrote:

<snip>.

I rarely post in this forum, although I use some of the great advice from it in different situations.

But I had to reply to this.

Your talking rubbish my friend.

My brother-in-law commit suicide two year's ago on his birthday. He's tried it before, the day he done it he told everyone. And everyone (including me, you'll see later) thought 'here we go again, attention whore'.

That night he rang my wife and told her he's committing suicide while they were speaking. My wife wanted to go to him, but I went along with the same line 'attention seeking'.

While talking to her he took his pills and slit his wrist.

You've given terrible advice and thought I had to reply to it.

Esel

If it was my mate in the situation you describe, I would get him to a hospital pronto.

blow69

Maybe what BrandonBlocks means is maybe it's not just the break up that has him in this state.Maybe something beneath the surface?

StormWarrior

BrandonBlock wrote:

<snip>.

I agree that this is very bad advice. A friend of mine spent 2 weeks going around telling everyone that he was going to kill himself and none of us believed him. Then he threw himself under a train.

OP does your friend have close family members you can share your concerns with? Someone should keep an eye on him at all times if he is suicidal. Try and persuade him to visit his doctor.

nervous_twitch

I have further testaments to refute BrandonBlocks ridiculous opinions/advice but I wont go into them here.

Be there for him. Get off the phone; go over to him if possible, if not get someone else to. Leaving him alone will only let it fester - he's in no state to be left to his own devices. Spend time with him. Do things together, I would also suggest he refrains from alcohol/drug consumption. Talk to him. He just needs to know that there is more, beyond this, and his friends/family should be there to help him back on track.

I would consider speaking to his family where possible, if they are the type of people who wouldnt simply aggravate the situation.

Call Me Jimmy

StormWarrior wrote:

I agree that this is very bad advice. A friend of mine spent 2 weeks going around telling everyone that he was going to kill himself and none of us believed him. Then he threw himself under a train.

OP does your friend have close family members you can share your concerns with? Someone should keep an eye on him at all times if he is suicidal. Try and persuade him to visit his doctor.

Yea, feeling suicidal is a very lonely experience and very few commit suicide without ever telling anyone anything about it. As they say, it's a desperate cry for help and one that shouldn't be ignored.

Although in saying that, the person ultimately has to get out of it by themselves, but you should show that you are there for them no matter what. Nobody can do much more than that.

The_Hustler

Call Me Jimmy wrote:

Yea, feeling suicidal is a very lonely experience and very few commit suicide without ever telling anyone anything about it. As they say, it's a desperate cry for help and one that shouldn't be ignored.

I wouldn't say very few, my friend did it just last week

Call Me Jimmy

The_Hustler wrote:

I wouldn't say very few, my friend did it just last week

EDIT: misread the post. Sorry to hear it, but that doesn't mean that he isn't in the minority...

Maple

haunt your friend. don't leave him by himself. turn up at his house, call him on the phone. get other friends involved if necessary. you don't even have to talk about the relationship, just get him talking and involved with life. don't leave him by himself and if he keeps fobbing you off by not meeting you don't stand for it, keep arranging to meet him.

Peter Collins

BrandonBlock wrote:

<snip>.

I think this Personal Issues thread should be moderated a lot better.

This is incredibly insensitive and dangerous advice to be dishing out without a thought.

I know this forum has helped a lot of people, but this is an outrageous comment.

Posters have been banned for a lot less than this kind of thing.

Marksie

Folks, if you hit the report post button (the little triangle) it alerts the mods straight away.

I will however, edit the post and references to it.


Kind regards
mark