Fathers Secret Marriage

LegacyUser

My ma and da have been married for 30 years and eventhough they don't talk to each other (who knows why?) they still live in same house, sleeping in different rooms.
My father works abroad a fair bit and recently he told me that he has married a chinese girl half his age and is moving over there in a few months.
I'm in an ethical mess at the moment with this. Anyone got any advice on what to do?
Do I tell my mother out of loyality or just keep quiet?
My da is very slow to make any decisions and I feel he is looking for me to tell my ma and get him thrown out of the house.

theKED

It all depends on how old you are?

Don't let them use you as a middle man. Don't get involved.

biko

It's up to your father to own up for his actions to you ma.
Are they still married? That would render the second marriage void.

In fairness, if they are not happy maybe it's for the best if he leaves, rather than him and your ma being miserable.

Make sure the house and documents are all in order too.
And be prepared to support your ma after he has broken the news.

PeakOutput

is that legal?

louisecm

Its not up to you to tell your mother, if I were you I would encourage my father to tell my mother but ask him not to tell me any other information that would put me in an uncomfortable situation if he was not planning on telling my mother as well.

PeakOutput

louisecm wrote:

Its not up to you to tell your mother, if I were you I would encourage my father to tell my mother but ask him not to tell me any other information that would put me in an uncomfortable situation if he was not planning on telling my mother as well.

while it is not her responsibility to tell her it is her business in that her mother is more than likely going to be devastated regardless of the current situation between them and it is not fair on her to be anymore messed around by (sorry op no offence intended) sounds like a coward................he SHOULD tell her if it is apparent he is not going to SOMEONE else to needs to so she does not wake up one day to find him gone

bandit*baby

that is such horrible position for you to be in...
if it were me i'd like to think i could persuade my father to talk to her and then tell him to never inform of stuff like that again

LegacyUser

'

PeakOutput wrote:

is that legal?

No its not legal, he could be charged with Bigamy.
OP's father is married to current wife and the law would see the second married as void, and he would in fact be commiting an offence'

PeakOutput

Unre11229 wrote:

'

No its not legal, he could be charged with Bigamy.
OP's father is married to current wife and the law would see the second married as void, and he would in fact be commiting an offence'

thats what i thought and i believe the wife/mother could make a big deal out of it if/when she finds out and rightly so imo

Maple

jesus what a horrific position to be in. Tell your dad that he has to tell your mum. If not get the two of them in a room and say "Mam, Dad has something he has to tell you" and then walk out.

donutheadhomer

Don't know how to answer this one.
Are you friendly with your dad? Did you know he was having an afair?

kraggy

Not necessarily illegal.

Marriages seemed to have occurred in different jurisdictions.

OP - it's not your responsibility. Your father needs to convey the news himself. Leave and go to a friends for a while (assuming you're old enough) if the pressure gets too much. Only after telling your dad that he has to do it himself that is.

Best of luck.

LegacyUser

'

kraggy wrote:

Not necessarily illegal.

Marriages seemed to have occurred in different jurisdictions.

That doesnt matter, As father is currently married under irish law and has no a second marriage outside the state, he is commiting an offence.
Irish Law does not care if this 'new marriage' is inside or out of the state.
Irish law only sees the 1st marriage and would treat his actions as an offence

So its in fact, illegal. whether he had 2nd marriage in japan.china moon, mars etc'