Why cant I be normal?

LegacyUser

So here I am. I exist from day to day, working, sleeping, go out every so often, but what else? Nothing. What is the reason for existence? Why did I exist rather than someone else?

I couldn't approach a girl I like, ever. She would only hate me. I am not confident, and I cant fake it. Girls dont like unconfident guys. Whats worse, I come home and watch both straight and gay porn. One minute I get off watching naked girls, the next I get off watching naked boys. I don't know what the f**k. There is this girl I like in a pub I go to once a week. But I cant do anything. I suck. I fail at life.

I don't know what the hell is wrong with me. Why can't I be normal?

I'm sorry, I had to get this off my chest. I am sick of everything, life is wholly unfair. Not just for me but for everybody. I guess I have it lucky though. I don't know. It's just not right. I am sick of everything. Nobody gives a damn.

Why cant I be normal?

Sony

Well first of all you certainly dont strike me in any way as someone thats not "normal"...

You watch straight AND gay porn-Its called bisexual, you swing both ways ...I dont see how this should pose any problems for you its not my cup of tea but theres an awful lot of people out there who feel similarily to you.

The one problem you DO have however is your confidence, This is a great thing to have of course but unfortunatly I cant give you some of mine youre gonna have to learn to be more positive about things yourself....If you think things are always bad then theyre never gonna get better

Youre right to vent how you feel--if things are **** then SAY theyre **** but what you must do is make them better...dont concentrate on this one girl in the local-star getting out and about top give yourself more chance of meeting new people and hey this is a common problem you have,theres thousands of people out there in exactly the same situation as you-you ARE normal and you CAN make things happen for yourself,just give yourself a chance by trying to be more positive;)

af_thefragile

Dude, you really need to take decisions.
The way u're going with life is taking you nowhere. You need to take the decision to change.

For starters get out of ur daily routine. Do something different. Anything different. Just make a change to ur daily routine. Start exercising. Go for a lil jog in the morning. Wake up an hour early, go out there. Enjoy the morning breeze. Put some good music on ur ipod (or anything u listen music on) and go out. You need to do it. You cant just sit there on ur ass in front of a lousy computer n whine bout ur ****ty life. Do something bout it instead of just whining bout it!

Start making changes to ur life. Set up a few goals for ur life. It could be anything. Take up a new sport, join a gym, go swimming, anything! But you've gotta do it. Start speaking to people around you. At work, at the store, on the street. Even if its a lil hi, just say it! They're not gonna kill you!! That way its slowly gonna improve ur confidence too.

Sorry i couldnt tell you in detail what to do but i was trying to keep it short and to the point.
What you gotta do is stop whining bout ur life RIGHT NOW, and by right now i mean NOW!!! and make a decision to change. Say it out loud, "I AM GONNA CHANGE THE WAY I LIVE MY LIFE!!!" and make plans to live the life you've always dreamt of. If you never dreamt of an ideal life, then do it now!!! Take up a piece of paper n a pen and write down on it what you'ld like ur perfect life to be. Brain strom. Write something. Set up goals for urself. Write down how u're gonna achieve those goals. Make a plan. Plan out ur life. Put deadlines to ur goals. And do it all this very moment!!!

You're gonna change now. This very moment. You're gonna make the decision to change. Next time you're out interract more with people. Even just a lil "hi!" will do it. Wake up early tomorrow morning, go out for a lil jog. Do it.
And you'll feel like a totally different and confident person. Its all bout getting off that ass and making the decision and doing it. So its like nike, Just do it!!!

Hope that helps!

Aura

What you're describing here OP is perfectly normal and in reference to a previous posters comment I don't think the watching of different types of porn has to necessarily pigeonhole you in terms of sexuality, it is more fluid than that.

Try if you can to shift your focus from overview to specific and try and enjoy or fully engage in whatever daily activities or interactions you have. I think sometimes we need to remind ourselves of the buzz we get from the little interactions or things we like doing to stop the bigger picture getting a bit blurred.

I know it sounds cliché but try doing a few of the things that you enjoyed prior to feeling like this. As simple as petting a dog or something like that. There is much beauty and worth in the little things, we just miss them sometimes coz we're waiting for something bigger! As you feel more in tune with yourself and content with the little things your confidence will rise and in so doing your world will open up more with social interactions etc becoming infinitely easier.


Just enjoy who you are,



A.

Sinfonia

If you can't approach girls, have you tried approaching a guy?

randylonghorn

boyneedhelpnow wrote:

Why did I exist rather than someone else?

Why shouldn't you?

boyneedhelpnow wrote:

Girls dont like unconfident guys.

Sometimes true, not always ... some girls find shy lads appealing.

That said, for your own sake, building up your confidence is a good idea.

boyneedhelpnow wrote:

Whats worse, I come home and watch both straight and gay porn. One minute I get off watching naked girls, the next I get off watching naked boys.

So what?

boyneedhelpnow wrote:

Why cant I be normal?

Let's see ...
... you are bored with the same old routine every day
... you're nervous about approaching girls
... you wish you were more confident
... you watch porn and jack off
... you're fed up with life at the moment
... what exactly is not normal?

I'm not really as unsympathetic as I may sound, but you need to realise that everyone goes through bad patches, and gets fed up with life, and obsessing over what's "wrong" with life seldom helps ... especially if you get caught up on things which aren't the problem anyway.

Take a positive step tomorrow to improve things, even if only a tiny one ... take a slightly larger one the next day ... and so on.

Marksie

boyneedhelpnow wrote:

Why cant I be normal?

Define normal, normal is what people belive other people are or are conditioned to belive by society... so tell em to show it... be who you are, thats normal for you and fully acceptable to me. it is fair enough to show interest in many different types of P*rn if you want, nothing wrong in that.

I dont see anything not normal in your feelings.

You say life is not fair for everybody? You are projecting what you are feeling.
What the issue is here is how you percieve the world to be. Rather you should be looking at why you are feeling that.

It is important for you to realise that you are responsible for your own Happiness and unhappiness. no-one else.

So the quetsion is, are you waiting for somen to wave a magic wand and it will be alright. Well, no-one can do that save one person..... YOU.

Make a list of what you percieve to be "wrong" and then decide what you are going to start doing about one of them. Just one at a time. Deal with that and then you will get more confidence to dealk with the others.
Then slowly at first, but like a domino they will begin to be tumbling down.

But firts you have to learn to actually like all aspects fo yourself.

as others have said


be positive

bandit*baby

em i go about my daily routine which can get rather boring (thats why its called a routine)
i go out occassionally ... i'm more of a stay at home kinda gal
In regards to my sexuality i'm straight but thats not to say that i won't at some stage meet a woman and become entirerly confused...
i ask myself the usual meaning of life questions .....

I'm anything but normal according to my friends one of my best traits in that i'm a complete weirdo

nobody likes chatting other people up but sometimes you just gotta bite the bullet and do it

the main difference between us (apart from gender) from what i've gathered in your post is that i'm ok with my rather routine life and every so often i spice it up with a new hobbie or just a random weekend away

you seem to be more content with just sitting around moping about it .....
If your not happy with your life CHANGE IT

sorry i couldn't be more compassionate but they only person that is going to fix this problem is you

LegacyUser

Thanks for the replies. Last night was particularly bad for me. I am just sick of not having anyone who's company I enjoy.

I am the only one left in the entire extended family without a significant other. My grandparents keep making remarks about when I will get a girlfriend, saying things at oppertune times like "I wish you'd hurry up, there will be none left" and constantly asking about any girls I am around.

Even my 14 year old cousin has more relationship experience than me. She once asked me who was my first kiss. I was too embarassed to say that I had never had one so I lied. I am 21 btw. I felt pathetic.

This never bothered me before. Only recently has it dawned on me that, yes, it would be nice to be around someone I find fun and attractive.

Would a girl even want to be around me?? What if I'm too into boys in one phase - it would not be fair to her.

I know I have to change and the onus is on me but it is much easier said than done. I am trying. Thanks for replying.

Anyway today is another day *sigh*

Marksie

boyneedhelpnow wrote:

Thanks for the replies. Last night was particularly bad for me. I am just sick of not having anyone who's company I enjoy.*

Well, what are you intersted in, what do you actually like doing> do you go out, have hobbies, are you taking a positive approach?

boyneedhelpnow wrote:

I am the only one left in the entire extended family without a significant other. My grandparents keep making remarks about when I will get a girlfriend, saying things at oppertune times like "I wish you'd hurry up, there will be none left" and constantly asking about any girls I am around.*

Then you are letting them get to you. It is becoming part of your psyche.
There is an old joke about old folks saying at weddings "you next, you next" . They are never too impressed when you say the same to them at funerals.

boyneedhelpnow wrote:

Even my 14 year old cousin has more relationship experience than me. She once asked me who was my first kiss. I was too embarassed to say that I had never had one so I lied. I am 21 btw. I felt pathetic.*

21 is young. There are plenty of posters who have claimed to be in the same position as you. Again, what issues do you have with talking to the opposite sex? shyness, lack of confidence. Have you considered lifecoaching as an option?

boyneedhelpnow wrote:

This never bothered me before. Only recently has it dawned on me that, yes, it would be nice to be around someone I find fun and attractive.*

Fine and dandy, what are you gong to do about it except tfeel sorry for yourself that you aren't normal

boyneedhelpnow wrote:

Would a girl even want to be around me?? What if I'm too into boys in one phase - it would not be fair to her.*

If you are you are, many poeple go through that. If you find someone you want to be with and wants to be with you, it shouldn't really matter. You are making an issue of something whihc really isn't there as you haven't got a partner of either sex.
Its a totally hypothetical question OP.... i would like to hear that you have made it a practical question lol.
You never know what it will be like unless you actually live.

boyneedhelpnow wrote:

I know I have to change and the onus is on me but it is much easier said than done. I am trying. Thanks for replying.*

then start with something small

boyneedhelpnow wrote:

Anyway today is another day *sigh*

Make it the first day of it all then

Spyral

Originally Posted by boyneedhelpnow
Would a girl even want to be around me?? What if I'm too into boys in one phase - it would not be fair to her.*

If you are you are, many poeple go through that. If you find someone you want to be with and wants to be with you, it shouldn't really matter. You are making an issue of something whihc really isn't there as you haven't got a partner of either sex.
Its a totally hypothetical question OP.... i would like to hear that you have made it a practical question lol.

Im not gay or bisexual and I dont condone it or anything BUT if you were with a girl who properly likes you then she will accept you regardless of weather you are bisexual

LegacyUser

I wouldn't worry too much about you being a late starter OP. There's more of us out there than you'd think. I was 23 when I first kissed a girl. I'm 24 now and its only in the past year or so that things have started to happen to me in that way and that's because I became happier with who I am as a person and the confidence has helped me a lot.

Like other posters have said don't be too worried about putting labels on your sexuality. Let whatever happens happen. Relationships at the age of 21 are more often short lived anyway so if you see a girl you like just go for it. You don't have to open up to her in the first 10 mins about liking gay porn. Thats something for months and months into a relationship - a stage it may never get to.

At the back of it all, the key is to be happy about who you are - even though you may not know exactly who that is. Most of the more interesting people you'll meet don't know exactly who they are either but they go with the flow and enjoy themselves. Please try and do the same OP.

One more thing - all these thoughts you're having are the definition of normal. Everybody questions their own life and existence.

LegacyUser

I am sick of everything, life is wholly unfair. Not just for me but for everybody. I guess I have it lucky though. I don't know. It's just not right. I am sick of everything. Nobody gives a damn.

yep very true, nobody really gives a crap about anyone else outside of their significant other/family thats just the way life is. yes its unfair. but you can't change it. What you have to begin to realise is that most people, no matter how confident, or how perfect their life may seem have the same questions running through their head and their own problems. some people are just better than others at dealing with it.

I exist from day to day, working, sleeping, go out every so often, but what else? Nothing. What is the reason for existence?

If you knew the answer would you even want to exist? no one knows, thats kinda the point.

A friend of mine is of the opinion that lifes like one of those choose your own ending books, you know where you have two options pick option A go to page 42 pick B go to page 53, and the story continues. Theres a myriad of choices, possiblities and endings, everyone makes different choices, picks a different page, but there will always be an ending, the reason for existance is to stick with the book long enough to find out what the ending is.

I am just sick of not having anyone who's company I enjoy.

you'll find them. hell it took me 22 years to find anyone whos company i could stand for more than 20 minutes, but it'll happen.

I was too embarassed to say that I had never had one so I lied. I am 21 btw. I felt pathetic.

yeah..the s**te i used to tell my friends about 'the strangest place i ever had sex' and all that rubbish!

The truth: I had my first kiss 9 months after my 21st birthday and lost my virginity 5 months after my 22nd.
its really not that big a deal. its just sex. i know its sounds so condecending right now but just kiss someone, anyone, get it over with. You won't see how little it means till you're past it.

Would a girl even want to be around me?? What if I'm too into boys in one phase - it would not be fair to her.

sounds like you're jumping the gun here a bit. I think its normal to be attracted to both sexes, i am and i've never given it a whole lot of thought to be honest. I really don't think you sould be putting yourself into a sexual category before you've even kissed a guy/ a girl. Go out there experement see what floats your boat in real life. watching porn is just a fantasy. I still think about girls sometimes but i knew as soon as i had my first kiss that i was straight. Just because i fantasise about the same sex doesn't mean that i'd want it to become a reality.

bandit*baby

in this day and age there is very little wrong with being bisexual
experiment a little (and be safe) and in the end it is important that your faithful nothing else

matt-dublin

OP

to build your confidence why don't you try something like online dating, on the profiles describe yourself as truthfully as you can, don't lie and try to pretend to be something you're not.

I used to be extreemly shy, and i started to chat on Yahoo chat a bit, and uing it i tried different things, like different responses to different questions to see how poeple would react if you know what i mean.

Confidence when talking to women is unnerving because of the unknown. What do I do if she tells me to piss off? etc etc.

Rest assured that a lot of what you're describing isn't necessarily a problem? we all want change, companionship etc etc.

Sure i've been single now for 6 years, granted i've met a few along the way but nothing thats lasted more than a week. But i don't let it bother me, primarily because i don't feel there's a point in getting myself down about something i have no control over.

Everyone gets turned on now and again by both sexs its not unnatural to be surious in some way.

So go give online dating and chatrooms a go, see how you get on, build up your confidence in there and see what happens. And don't forget online it can be a lot easier to say things to people than what you wouldn't normally say in person.

Hope that's worth something,
Matt

DRakE

Originally Posted by boyneedhelpnow
Girls dont like unconfident guys.

Sometimes true, not always ... some girls find shy lads appealing.

Don't give the lad false hope You need to be confident enough to hold a conversation or girls won't make the effort. Fact.

StormWarrior

Don't worry about the porn. Alot of people watch same-sex porn, you don't even have to be bisexual to do it.

As for the other things you said, you sound depressed, maybe you should visit your doctor. btw fish oil supplements are proven to drastically improve one's mood, maybe you should start taking them.

McGinty

I would add two things, like yourself I find myself attracted to both sexes, but so far have only gone with men, that may or may not change in the future but its there and I realise we all come in different packages but look kind of similar.

As for experience, etc, I went out with a very lovely, shy man who was a virgin (I didn't know it at the time) where I seduced him in a shy way (I'll make you laugh I suggested we listen to some George Michael, how cheesy but it was the very early 90s) and eventually we made love in a natural way and I had no idea he was a virgin, he was brilliant albeit shy but it didn't matter.

Finally be nice to yourself, in a sense your right that the world doesn't care so that is a bigger reason to be nice to yourself, when you care for you in a little ways, your confidence will grow and others will be drawn to you. I tend to look at being nice to the self as depositing money (pyschological that is) into a bank, which in turn builds the confidence. Best of luck

af_thefragile

Oh and another thing....

I dont think anyone can say they're trully perfectly normal in this world... Everyone is screwed up in some way...
Even I think I'm pretty screwed up in way and I doubt I'ld ever consider myself to be a "normal" person. I'm not normal, I think I'm different in my own way. I like it that way!

Sometimes its cooler to be a lil not "normal" than being normal like "everyone elz!".. You see where i'm going with this...

So stop feeling all **** bout the fact you're not "normal" cuz guys what, no one is "normal"!!! Everyone has something thats not normal in them and thats trully normal!!!!

Wow, there were loads of "normal"'s there!