trust

jj99

How can i trust my girlfriend?

I checked her email and facebook (like BEBO) page, It was wrong I know im sorry, shouldn't have done it.

I found a deleted notification email in her email.I also found a deleted sent message and deleted message from some guy on facebook.

She claims she doesnt know anything about it. She didnt delete her notification email, she didnt delete her sent message and she didnt delete her message from him (ACCORDING TO HER). YET, they are all gone.

I dont care about the email to the guy. I just care that she would have lied to me. WE stayed up half the night last night and yet she wont admit that she did it.

What should i do? Believe her, (but how could the deleting happen)
Is it serious enough to break up with her?
HELP ME with advice please!

Wibbs

Firstly checking up on her personal stuff is well out of order. That's bunny boiler territory frankly. Not the actions of a well balanced man or woman. If I had been in her place, you wouldn't have been sitting around talking all night(about what?), instead, today you would have been posting about how to get over/get back my girlfriend.

Now the situation at hand. Unless there are other serious signs of untrustworthy behaviour I would let it lie. You either trust her or you don't. Simple really. If you don't that says more about you than any partner you're with except in obvious cases of infidelity.

I've been cheated on before and although suspicious in some cases I decided to trust them until the evidence was there(BTW This isn't evidence). I figure that trust starts with me, not them. It may end with them but it's me and my attitude that sets the tone. If they choose to abuse that trust then and only then is it time for swift action.

Let it go or face letting her go.

Sony

I dont think I need to tell you not to do this again(checking her bebo)

As for the problem, she really should have been more honest about it because clearly there HAS been an email of some sort sent/received. If I was you, I wouldnt be worrying about what the content of this email was but rather why did she lie about it (which I think is the case)

Why did she lie?

1. She is secretly flirting with some guy that SHE KNOWS - This is the worst case scenario but probably not whats actually happening, She shouldnt be doing this of course but dont get sucked into worrying about it (theres a good chance you'd know if anything was happening behind your back).Trust her and if anything of substance happens in future end it then.

2. She is flirting with someone she DOESNT KNOW. Who cares this doesnt mean anything to be honest and she'd obviously lie to protect against your pride being damaged.

3. She got a mail off someone from the past about something she'd rather not have to tell you...fair enough no harm in this case

I honestly dont think that theres a possibility that there were no such mails sent or deleted but I DO believe that theres a good chance that nothing sinister has happened here. You shouldnt have brought this up with your gf after finding this out either but when you did you would have put her on the spot-Quickly,she lied and now cant go back on that lie even if there was nothing going on.

Theres numerous possibilities but I suppose what Im getting at here is that you should give her the benefit of the doubt.Look at the outcome

1. If you dont this relationship will finish itself through no trust being there and the bickering that is sure to follow

2. If you do, you can both work on forgetting about this petty incident-remember its probably going to be as hard for your gf to get over you ridiculously invading her privacy as it will you to forget about what you have stumbled across.

I suggest taking the 2nd option-call her this evening and tell her you love her;)

chris_oc

oh my god!!relax the kacks man!!:eek: dont be so paranoid,girls flirt all the time with other guys,BIG DEAL:eek: yes...EVEN when they have boyfriends!my ex used to flirt with other guys all the time(thnakfully not when i was around) and it didnt bother me at all. shes with you isnt she?!unless she has a history of cheating on you,you have absolutly nothing to worry about,trust her and stop actin like a big girl.:rolleyes:

by the way that was definatly not cool goin thru her stuff the way you did,imagine how fried you would be if she did it to you.

hullaballoo

How is she supposed to trust you again?

biko

hullaball&#250 wrote:

How is she supposed to trust you again?

Just was about to write this myself.

af_thefragile

Love is all bout trust...
and most of the times its a blind trust. You just need to trust your gf. Trust her that if she trully loves you, she'll stay honest to you. If not its all not worth it.

Trust is what keeps relationships stable. If there's real love, there's gonna be trust.

jj99

How can I trust her if she will blatantly lie to me?

cee_jay

And how can she trust you if you will blatantly invade her privacy?

jesus_thats_gre

jj99 wrote:

How can I trust her if she will blatantly lie to me?

You don't actually believe that you done something wrong do you?

limklad

jj99 wrote:

How can I trust her if she will blatantly lie to me?

Email accounts can be hacked or passwords recorded using keystrokes programs. Other devious people can access her email too by planting information to set her up or using her account for other devious actions!!

Why did you access her account! unless you already mistrust her before you found some information that make her seem guilty. No matter what she did or did not do. You did wrong too, by spying on her and monitoring her private communications with or without her permission. It is a blatantly act of mistrust by you.

There are many others reasons and by jumping the gun without concrete proof of her allege guilt only shows your what can be describe by her (innocent or not) point of view that you are over bearing and controlling and deserved to be dumped.

Without trust on both sides in a relationship there is not point of continuing it.

Nordie

jj99 wrote:

Is it serious enough to break up with her?

It's a wonder she didn't dump you!

Wibbs

jj99 wrote:

How can I trust her if she will blatantly lie to me?

I guarantee, I mean 100% that if you keep this going, what you most worry about will happen, even if she had no intention of cheating on you. Paranoid behaviour will push her away, further and further.

No offense, but I agree with chris_oc stop acting like a big girl/boy and start acting like a man. A man wouldn't have violated his partners privacy. A man wouldn't go all postal with the info you have. A man would chalk it up to experience and try to move on. A man would trust himself and extend the same courtesy to others.

Now what has this episode thaught you so far? She may or may not have deleted an email and you are wired up about it threatening the very relationship you want to hang on to. The next move is yours. Not hers. You can only control yourself.

chris_oc

Wibbs wrote:

A man wouldn't have violated his partners privacy. A man wouldn't go all postal with the info you have. A man would chalk it up to experience and try to move on. A man would trust himself and extend the same courtesy to others.

well put wibbs

The Sweeper

jj99 wrote:

WE stayed up half the night last night and yet she wont admit that she did it.

Break up with her.

You say "we stayed up half the night". If it was actually a fact that you kept her up half the night trying to make her tell you she did it, you need to know that such behaviour constitutes a form of domestic abuse on a number of fronts.

So yeah, break up with her. For her sake.