No attraction

LegacyUser · 18-06-2007 4:24pm #1

Hi guys,

Ive been with my bg for 5 years. My question...so people think its possible to continue a relatioship when one of the people isnt attracted to the other, but loves them so much that they dont want to let them go?

Victor · 18-06-2007 4:40pm

noattraction wrote:

my bg

Boyfriend?

LegacyUser · 18-06-2007 4:41pm

Yeah, sorry, my boyfriend

CerebralCortex · 18-06-2007 4:42pm

noattraction wrote:

Hi guys,

Ive been with my bg for 5 years. My question...so people think its possible to continue a relatioship when one of the people isnt attracted to the other, but loves them so much that they dont want to let them go?

Are you happy with that?

biko · 18-06-2007 4:44pm

OP, do you mean that you yourself are not sexually attracted to your bf anymore? Is there a physical thing or something else that caused this?

To answer your question, yes I think so. Lots of older people still stick together and they're not the most fittest ppl.

If there is love there the appearance is secondary.

LegacyUser · 18-06-2007 4:49pm

Hes not attracted to me anymore. he says he doesnt wanna break up, but because hes not attracted anymore, he doesnt spend half as much time with me as he used to, or should. maybe 5/6 hours a week, which im not happy with at all

Marksie · 18-06-2007 5:33pm

noattraction wrote:

Hes not attracted to me anymore. he says he doesnt wanna break up, but because hes not attracted anymore, he doesnt spend half as much time with me as he used to, or should. maybe 5/6 hours a week, which im not happy with at all

Neither should you be happy with that. He isn't attracted to you but doesn't want to break up and limit seeing you to 5-6 hours a week..what when he is feeling horny?

Whats going to happen when he turns around and says he has found someone he is attracted too?... you will be left there.

For your own self respect... end it

LegacyUser · 18-06-2007 5:43pm

I love him so much, and I cannot imagine not being with him, and the thought of him with someone else is horrible. but i dont wanna be taking for a fool either. nothing in life is easy!!

jellie · 18-06-2007 6:18pm

Are YOU happy with staying with someone who has told you theyre not attracted to you? Do you think so little of yourself?

You shouldnt "settle" in a relationship. It sounds like one or both of you are too scared to end it. If its heading in that direction its inevitable you will end up there in the end.

Steffano2002 · 18-06-2007 6:40pm

If I was in love with a woman who one day told me she was no longer attracted to me, it would be the same as saying "it's over" AFAIC. It might be very hard to do but in the long run you'll be happy with your decision and strenght: end it.

G&T · 18-06-2007 8:51pm

That is a horrible thing to say to someone you love.
Sound's to me like he is setting you up for a fall,
he will prob turn around in a month and tell you he has
tried but it's just not working blah blah blah
What happens next is up to you.

Carrigart Exile · 18-06-2007 8:54pm

noattraction wrote:

Hes not attracted to me anymore. he says he doesnt wanna break up, but because hes not attracted anymore, he doesnt spend half as much time with me as he used to, or should. maybe 5/6 hours a week, which im not happy with at all

Refuse to see him for a couple of weeks, in the meantime get out with friends and colleagues.

claire-g · 18-06-2007 10:09pm

This will probably be hard to hear but im guessing that in a relatively short period of time he is gonna eventually meet someone he is attracted to and then he will break it off for good. He sounds like a complete coward and wants u to do it so he wont be the bad guy. I think u need to decide what you want, do you want to be a doormat (and i dont mean that in a harsh way) or do you want to muster all your strength and get rid, keep some self respect and learn to love yourself again. Both will be hard but the latter will have a more positive outcome in the long run. Be sure about one thing though, he will hang around like a bad smell until he meets someone else, and then he will do the same to her....ur better off out!!

spinandscribble · 18-06-2007 10:26pm

he sounds like a twat. you deserve a man who you'll drive crazy. what age are you? has age taken it's affect or have you gained weight? if not he just wants a change and thats not love.

miamigal · 18-06-2007 10:49pm

Are you happy to be with someone who admits that he isn't attracted to you? I think that sexual attraction is a major part of any relationship. Perhaps it's time for you to let go...I've been there, and it doesn't end well.

LegacyUser · 19-06-2007 1:04pm

Hi OP,

Sounds like my life about 1 year and a half ago , I stayed with someone for 6 yrs who after about 2 yrs I felt a lot less attracted to them and he vice versa but we stayed together as we thought we loved each other., yes he did actually say this to me at one point that he was no longer attracted to me and it was pretty obvious to others , but I deluded myself by pretending to myself he was joking , I put up with alot of other crap too which I won't go into , because I believed we loved each other so much we would stay together forever.
He ended up moving away and starting a whole new life with someone new and I never saw him again.
Because of all this I missed out on many relationships with people who I was attracted to and now I'm all on my own , with little chance of meeting anyone else because of where I live, my age and also the fact that my health is not very good
so my advise is get out while you still can , yes it's painful but if you can end it reasonably amicably it will be better for you in the long run. You owe it to yourself to be with someone who wants you and vice versa
Good Luck !

Maple · 19-06-2007 1:30pm

get out of the relationship. you deserve better, don't settle because you're afraid to be by yourself.

jimmycrackcorm · 20-06-2007 1:03am

TBH that is why we have marriage otherwise who the hell would stay with someone indefinitely?

CathyMoran · 20-06-2007 6:11am

While I think that every long term relationship goes through times when you are not attracted I genuinely think that in this case it is not a good sign and that you should get out before he leaves, the fact that he is spending so little time with you is not a good sign.

\m/_(>_<)_\m/ · 20-06-2007 6:27am

noattraction wrote:

Hes not attracted to me anymore. he says he doesnt wanna break up, but because hes not attracted anymore, he doesnt spend half as much time with me as he used to, or should. maybe 5/6 hours a week, which im not happy with at all

as a man and once a boy....my opinion is.

he wants to finish it as boyfriend and girlfriend, so as he can go off with the lads and have a laugh for himself, but.....
he still wants to be able to f~@k you...

simple as that

and yes when he does fine another f*#k buddy, you will be dropped.

but that is only my opinion...but you know I'm right

DD · 20-06-2007 6:30am

5/6 hours a week, I am afraid to tell you, but this is not a relationship. Even 5 years passed its not a reason for staying together so less. I think you should start dating people and live your life.
From what you said he is not happy either, but if you love him. Would you see yourself with this man in a few years. Would you like this to continue, seeing each other few hours and...what man could possible say ...im not attracted to you anymore...
In a long r*ship many things can be different during the time, nothing will be same with the time passing by.
Try to think of what you want and if youre not happy there is no point to continue this relationship.

noattraction wrote:

he doesnt spend half as much time with me as he used to, or should. maybe 5/6 hours a week, which im not happy with at all

noattraction wrote:

Hi guys,

Ive been with my bf for 5 years. My question...so people think its possible to continue a relatioship when one of the people isnt attracted to the other, but loves them so much that they dont want to let them go?

No attraction

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