does she know what she wants?

LegacyUser

went out with a girl for 6 months, i was 21, she's 19. things were amazing from the start, we just clicked. we moved very fast and were in love in about a month or so.

recently things went downhill a bit, i realised i was being nasty to her in some respects, she was spending time with her friends a lot and i woudnt hear from her even by txt msg, until she came home from her night out and i would get a goodnight text, woudnt know where she was or what she was doing. and thus i was nagging her a bit to why she wasnt contacting me.

she wasnt good at contact when we were apart, along with the fact i was hearing things about her past that made me go quiet and this upset her as she wouldnt know what i was thinking. i have learned from this not to get hung up on the "past" because thats where it is, she wasnt willing to accept it though.

it was always on her terms of when we could see each other as she couldnt drive and relied on lifts and wouldnt let me usually pick her up. I droped what i was doing in order to spend time with her.. if i didnt.. when would i see her?

I can safely say i was amazing to her overall and she admits it, i did everything i could to her and bought her nice things, not to try and buy her, just things that i knew she would know took thought and was very special.

I realised i was being this way to her recently and started to discuss it with her, she admitted she had been thinking things were getting "serious" in a 3 or 4 week period, but we talked it over and i didnt have a job and was stuck at home doing work and staring at 4 walls most days and tried to explain that it was making me adjatated.

she didnt help matters by keeping me distant on a pregnancy scare, where one day she wouldnt let me touch her and for weeks before wouldnt be interested in sex, i asked her what was wrong and she just went quiet, and wouldnt tell me what the matter was.

this was adding to my frustration with her, and she eventually tells me she trusts me, but dosent feel comfortable telling me some things, but she can talk to her friends about it, i eventually dragged it out of her what was up, a "scare"

i noticed a change in how she was texting me, and it was making me wonder if she was being truthful with me, it seemed she wasnt willing to let things go back to normal.

i also saw a text on her fone when she was showing me a msg from a guy she knows, it said something like "do you still look forward to seeing him", but there was at least 5 msgs from him and she had met him that week for lunch. She had told me she was talking about us to 2 of her girlfriends and her mother, but didnt mention this guy. i got suspect of something going on but he has left the country a few days after they left. so im wondering why she was lieing to me about not talking to him about us?

so recently even her tone of voice on the fone when she would ring, i knew something was still wrong, so i asked are you okay with us, she told me she didnt want to end it, but didnt know if things could go back to the way they were...

i said i wanted to give it the chance it deserved because i wasnt acting me in those past few weeks and it was down to some circumstances, i deserved some faith in her to me, as i have forgave her in the past a serious matter.

the next day we met up and drove somewhere quiet to talk things through, she was so so upset, she again was saying she didnt want it to end, but didnt know if it would work and didnt want to be 10 times more upset in a few weeks if things failed.

i asked her to look me in the eyes truthfully and tell me who she had spoken to about us, and she again lied to my face, until i said i had seen the text, she then said she didnt talk to him about us, in fact he had asked about us, and she had said things used to be better, but i know more was said, and 5 msgs also on her fone, she persists she didnt lie. but i feel she has been caught out and is in denial?

i said i deserved better and that it was worth the chance, she eventually came to the decision to end things, i was devestated.

that night i txted her and asked to think of things like this, if she was betting on a horse, would it not be worth the risk of winning back the good times we had over not knowing and having regret?

she said it was worth it, but i had already said i wouldnt take her back and wasnt that how it was???

i thought this was selfish, how could she be doing this to me? does she want to keep me dangling?

she then went on to say it was the biggest mistake of her life, and she regrets her decision already.

she has me baffled, dosent she know what those words mean?

im so confused by her and i dont know if shes insecure, immature, or simply dosent know what she wants... she wants us to keep the "closeness" we have, and blames herself for the breakup

advice please

Wibbs

I would say she doesn't know what she wants. If she did she would be with you, simple as.

Also you seem to be confused too. Do you want to break up with this woman or not? Think about that. Really think about that, make a decision and then go and talk to her about your decision. Don't worry about her thoughts or decision. You can do sweet F all about her feelings. All you can know are yours. You'll know hers in time. Actions speak louder than words.

If you do want her back the pair of you are going to have to work on this if it's going to move on from here.