The whole truth ...

randylonghorn

Blonde Sharon runs crying into the her friend's kitchen.

"What's wrong?" gasps Joanna.

"It's my boyfriend..." sobs Sharon. "He was working on the engine of his car when the hood fell down and cut off his finger!"

"My god!" shrieks Joanna. "Did it amputate his WHOLE finger!?"

"No thank goodness," sniffs Sharon. "But it was the one just next to it!"

SuperSean11

Tom & Mel went moose hunting every winter without success.

Finally, they came up with a foolproof plan. They got a very authentic female moose costume and learned the mating call of a female moose. The plan was to hide in the costume, lure the bull, then come out of the costume and shoot the bull. They set themselves up on the edge of a clearing, donned their costume,moved into their tent and began to give the moose love call. Before long, their call was answered as a bull came crashing out of the forest and into the clearing. When the bull was close enough, Tom said, "Okay, lets get out and get him."

After a moment that seemed like an eternity, Mel shouted, "The zipper is stuck! What are we going to do!?"

Tom says, "Well, I'm going to start nibbling grass, but you'd better brace yourself."

darkskol

SuperSean11 wrote:

Tom says, "Well, I'm going to start nibbling grass, but you'd better brace yourself."

LOL

SuperSean11

"Hello?"

"Hi honey

This is Daddy.

Is Mommy near the phone?"

"No Daddy.

She's upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Paul."

After a brief pause,

Daddy says,

"But honey, you haven't got an Uncle Paul."

"Oh yes I do,and he's upstairs in the room

with Mommy, right now."

Brief Pause.

"Uh, okay then, this is what I want you to do.

Put the phone down on the table, run upstairs

and knock on the bedroom door and shout to Mommy

that Daddy's car just pulled into the driveway."

"Okay Daddy,just a minute."

A few minutes later the little girl comes back to the phone.

"I did it Daddy."

"And what happened honey?" he asked.

"Well, Mommy got all scared,jumped out of bed with no

clothes on and ran around screaming.Then she tripped over the rug, hit

her head on the dresser and now she isn't moving at all!"

"Oh my God!!! What about your Uncle Paul?"

"He jumped out of the bed with no clothes on, too. He was

all scared and he jumped out of the back window and into the swimming

pool. But I guess he didn't know that you took out the water last week

to clean it. He hit the bottom of the pool and I think he's dead."

***Long Pause***

SWIMMING POOL

SORRY WRONG NUMBER

Vorsprung

SuperSean11 wrote:

blah blah blah

ROFL!!!!!

SuperSean11

bigjimthefirst wrote:

ROFL!!!!!

What

Capt'n Midnight

randylonghorn wrote:

"My god!" shrieks Joanna. "Did it amputate his WHOLE finger!?"

For those of a more adventurous nature it could be the ring finger.

Sam Vimes

SuperSean11 wrote:

What

"rolling on the floor laughing" for the non-nerds among us

SuperSean11

Commander Vimes wrote:

"rolling on the floor laughing" for the non-nerds among us

Thanks for the translation

darkskol

SuperSean11 wrote:

"Hello?"

"Hi honey

This is Daddy.

Is Mommy near the phone?"

"No Daddy.

She's upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Paul."

After a brief pause,

Daddy says,

"But honey, you haven't got an Uncle Paul."

"Oh yes I do,and he's upstairs in the room

with Mommy, right now."

Brief Pause.

"Uh, okay then, this is what I want you to do.

Put the phone down on the table, run upstairs

and knock on the bedroom door and shout to Mommy

that Daddy's car just pulled into the driveway."

"Okay Daddy,just a minute."

A few minutes later the little girl comes back to the phone.

"I did it Daddy."

"And what happened honey?" he asked.

"Well, Mommy got all scared,jumped out of bed with no

clothes on and ran around screaming.Then she tripped over the rug, hit

her head on the dresser and now she isn't moving at all!"

"Oh my God!!! What about your Uncle Paul?"

"He jumped out of the bed with no clothes on, too. He was

all scared and he jumped out of the back window and into the swimming

pool. But I guess he didn't know that you took out the water last week

to clean it. He hit the bottom of the pool and I think he's dead."

***Long Pause***

SWIMMING POOL

SORRY WRONG NUMBER

old gold