Time to let go?

LegacyUser

hi all,
regular poster but going unregged for this. Basically i feel that things have come to a crunch in my relationship. My bf has a set idea of what he wants to do, where he wants to live and what he wants to achieve. None of this is open to negotiation. I am just finishing college (2nd time around) and i have no idea what the future holds in store with regard jobs etc. It just feels like he has all these plans and expects me just to fit in with them irregardless of what happens and what i want so if i get a job in a different part of dublin and its a 2 hour commute thats my tough luck. I want to go travelling at some stage even if its only for a few months, that is not something he'll even consider. it seems to be a common thing in our relationship, i feel like i am constantly making compromises and fitting in with his plans and that he is so set in his head as to what he'll do or wont do. I visit him, he doesnt visit me and even when i am up to my eyes with college work and everything he expects me to visit. We live pretty close together and in fairness i drive but theres nothing stopping him getting a car or learning. We have been together for just over a year and we are both in our mid-twenties. To me it seems ridiculuos to me that if we are planning a future together that i dont fit into the equation at all.

We also have sex problems or rather lack off. I never had this in a relationship before and it seems to be his issues. I have tried communication and everything i suggest he shoots down. Now i am not highly demanding but i figure that if its not working a bit of experimentation wouldnt hurt, but he is so closed minded about these things and yet he wants a better sex life, go figure.

i cant decide if its time to cut my losses and get out, i am getting resentful and narky all the time and thats not how i want to live my life. i also dont see this working out if my needs dont fit into the equation. Incidentally i dont have any objection to compromising but when i am the only one doing it it gets old very quickly. Any advice?

Ishindar

a good partner will bring out the best in u & look after all your interests instinctively. yes its time to move on.

BanzaiBk

...i feel like i am constantly making compromises and fitting in with his plans and that he is so set in his head as to what he'll do or wont do.

I was in a similar situation to yours only a few months ago and felt exactly the same way. It was compromise after compromise, and it always seemed to be me who lost out. It broke my heart to end it but in reality I needed to. Nearly 4 months on I'm glad I made the decision for both our sakes.

Sleepy

Time to move on. The guy doesn't see you as a serious relationship, sounds like you're an inbetweener.

CliffHuxtabel

I know youre not giving his side of the story but by the looks of things your relationship has reached an insurmountable impasse.

You want different things so you should split. Youre young and you shouldnt have to make big decisions about your future because of this dude.

You have better things on the other side of town

Metacortex

BanzaiBk wrote:

I was in a similar situation to yours only a few months ago and felt exactly the same way. It was compromise after compromise, and it always seemed to be me who lost out. It broke my heart to end it but in reality I needed to. Nearly 4 months on I'm glad I made the decision for both our sakes.

Again OP, i was in a similar situation, always making compromises to fit in with his plans and ideas and just like you and BanzaiBK, i felt i was the one losing out on things i wanted to do with my life.
We broke up about a year ago, and even though i did love him, im alot happier now

Red Hand

Agree with the other posters. It looks like neither of ye have any real plans for a future together, and want different things. He's not open to communication, so what can you do?