flatmate trouble

needhelp1

im having trouble with a flatmate. im living with 4 others int eh house. all 4 of them have a lot in common, but i dont share anything in common with them. I have had small issues with 2 of the flatmates, they both got over these little tiffs and we moved on, but the other flatmate , who wasn't involved in these little tiffs, decides to go against me because of it, and talks to meonly when neccessary, and sends me an email rather than speaking face to face, when he needs something from me.he considers himself as the boss of the house, he likes the control. he has a doggish style to him and he can appear friendly to everyone else, but once u get to know him, he reveals the true 'him'. He almost uses bullying tactics, if i leave something unwashed in the kitchen, he'd approach me in my room, or when im at my most vulnerable.he would confront me about somethin i'd do,yet he wouldn't confront someone else about the same thing. I feel threatened by him sometimes, i dont know why, because I used be able to stand up to him. I don't know how to deal with him, should i ignore him r should i make an effort to talk to him? should i get aggressive with him everytime im on the receviing side of his bullying or not? how do i deal with this bully?
thanks guys
appreciate your help

MicraBoy

Number one thing to do is reply to an emails or texts with the words. "I'll discuss this with you face to face". Never engage in email conversations with of substance with flat mates! He should have the balls to do things face to face.

As for when he approaches you in the house, do the same thing tell him you will discuss it later and wait till someone else is around. Just plain and simple refuse to engage in his tactics.

Canis Lupus

What's your point? You leave something unwashed in the kitchen tell him you'll wash it when you can. In saying that constantly leaving items around for others to wash can get on peoples nerves so err... don't do it. But you're hopefully a grown up, why let it bother you unless it's physical "bullying"

However, in the end if they don't like you and you don't like them then move out.

muppetkiller

Why would you want to continue living with people that you've nothing in common with ?
They may realize this too and want you out and are using bully tactics as they know you wont stand up to them ?

Offalycool

I would stand up to him, in front of the others. You should make copies of the e-mails he has sent you and ask him why he feels to behave in such a childish manner. He will not be able to reasonably account for this. Then in front of everyone you tell him to stop harassing you or you will be forced to move out because this is stupid sh*t, tell him you don’t have the time or patience to put up with this. He will either back off, like most bullies do, or he will persist. If he persists you must move out- there is no point in putting up with this weirdo.

biko

Take the easy way I'd say and move. There is no way you can win against 4 mates and not wreck the atmosphere in the house.

Offalycool

I have rented for years.. and I think this guy is probably doing a similar thing to at least on other in the house. I figure he e-mails you because he has got a divide and conquer mentality.. he does not want to be made account for his behaviour on open ground with everybody in the house involved. To hell with him.. gang up on him and he’ll snap like a twig.. he might even bugger off himself.

muppetkiller

But from the sounds of things the OP doesn't get on with any of the guys in the house.

Offalycool

It sounds to me like the others probably are influenced by this crack pot. All you need to do is show them all that you are no mug. The others just want an easy life – and it may be easier for them to take this guy down a peg given a chance. You are not unreasonable either. I would not tiptoe around them for one min.. you live there after all.
If it goes south, it was probably only a matter of time. Take revenge. Leave a big cod behind the refrigerator on your way out the door.. don’t let em just brush you off. It will take them a while to find it..

the_syco

needhelp1 wrote:

he would confront me about somethin i'd do,yet he wouldn't confront someone else about the same thing.

You may be just last in line. As in, everyone else gets asked, then you get asked. Telling him to back off in front of everyone eles will gain one of two things: 1) that they are also threatened by him or 2) they all want you out. If its one, you've just gotten something similair to one of the others. If its two, gtfo and leave.

Offalycool wrote:

Take revenge. Leave a big cod behind the refrigerator on your way out the door.. don’t let em just brush you off. It will take them a while to find it..

Has to be the best, non-damaging revenge I've seen yet.