Where can I get some help.

LegacyUser

Hey there,

I've a bit of a complex here and I'm afraid if I don't get it sorted then I'm really going to do myself damage. Thing is I don't know where to go.

I find it very difficult to open up to people because I think my own problems are insignificnt in the run of things and I don't really want to do the whole woe is me thing but I think I need some help.
I have problems with keeping meaningful emotional attachments. I've had some amazing girlfriends but I just can't open up becuse I'm afraid they'll think I'm a monster. The circle is predicable, I'll meet a girl think she's the hottest thing since sliced bread and then I just get bored after a few months and move on. Two women have broken this mould and I've consistently cheated on both of them. i feel like I don't deserve them. I'm normally an outgoing confident guy but I need women to feed that confidence, to boost my sense of self. I've slept with over 100 women and it both thrills and sickens me. I've had STD's and I've a child that was unplanned and within a short time of when I had broken up with my first meaningful ex. I want to be happy with myself but I don't know how to do that.
Sometimes I can't help but think I'm the most selfish guy in the world. I was using drugs in college, pills, coke, hash, but I had a complete breakdown as my ex girlfriend was upstairs when I was high and went beserk when she saw me. I went to a councelling session but the guy was useless and just sat there listening and asking all the wrong questions. At that stage we were going out three years and when we broke up I went on a women rampage which resulted in my child. He settled me down but I'm not with the mother as it was only a one night thing. I have all these feelings as I feel guilty for not being there for him 24/7 as he's in a different town from me and I'm only there every second weekend. i feel like he's growing up without me and that's not the way I wanted to raise my children. Shortly after he was born I cleaned my life up. Got a good job as I had a decent degree and started seeing a wonderful girl who''s kind and compassionate and helped me back on my feet, 2 years on and I'm bored again and I'm looking around. i met a girl who was my intellectual snap and we would talk for hours and finish each others sentences but I couldn't leave the girl who helped me get my life back together.

I know there are so many issues here. Self worth. Addictions problems and perhaps depression but I just don't know where to turn. It's like its all happening to someone else. I know what I WANT to be and who but I don't have the moral fibre or empathy to give us these desires. I hate myself. I feel like I'm emoptionally retarded or broken.

I don't know where to turn. I can't talk to my friends as I can't open up. Counceling would be an option but I don't know where to go. I was thinking about a priest but I'm not religious. This is only the surface of some of my ****. Two abortion experiences. A miscarraige by another random girl while the mother of my child was pregnant. It's a mess. In the meantime my father is terminally ill and my mother has turned into a religious freak. I can't lay this head-**** onto my girlfriend as she doesn't deserve this crap. I could row merrily away but it's only a matter of time before the house of cards comes crashing down. Does anyone know where I can turn?

Oryx

Im not really in the know about exactly where to go here, but dont let your first experience of counselling put you off. A)It takes a lot more than one session to get anywhere and You need to find a counsellor you click with. Your local health clinic or doctor or hell, even the samaritans may be able to refer you to someone.

You really have painted a bad picture of yourself above. Sounds like you hate yourself tbh, and that youre doing all you can to hurt yourself. Destroying relationships, addiction problems etc. Im no counsellor, but you need to find some way of working out the problem you have with yourself. In spite of all the bad things you say about yourself, you give yourself away as a guy with a heart by saying things like

I can't lay this head-**** onto my girlfriend as she doesn't deserve this crap

i feel like I don't deserve them

Sometimes I can't help but think I'm the most selfish guy in the world.

You are not a bad guy, you just dont like yourself much right now. You can see it, and want to change, and thats the biggest part. Hopefully you will get more posts from people who can point you towards concrete help. Good luck.

ntlbell

It sounds a bit like you're trying to juggle with too many balls and end up dropping them all.

The two things that are most important here are you, and your child.

I would definitley try another counsellor maybe you just didn't click with the first one. Try and concentrate as much as you can on the future you can't change what you have done in the past, you only have control on your future and the future relationship with your child which is very important, I would focus on this and get this in check first.

metrovelvet

Unreg chappie wrote:

It's like its all happening to someone else. I know what I WANT to be and who but I don't have the moral fibre or empathy to give us these desires. I hate myself. I feel like I'm emoptionally retarded or broken.

It is happenning to someone else. Isnt that what addiction does for you? When you hate yourself, you want to change yourself and drugs, alcohol and even women can do that for you. When you are sober all you got is you.

No one needs to tell you that the person you are cheating the most is you. You have lost worthwhile girlfriends, missed out on love and are missing your child's childhood. Most of all you are betraying yourself.

Why dont you try AA and get a counsellor who has experience with addiction. Dont expect the counsellor to do the work for you or that it will happen over night. Therapy can take years. There's no magic wand here.

DublinWriter

Hi OP,

I'm sorry to hear about your situation.

Firstly, re the use of counselling services. It sometimes worries me the way people on here bandy around the use of counsellors as a panacea to all personal psychological ills and problems.

Always remember that counsellors are unregulated in this country. If you go to a GP, Nurse or Dentist in Ireland you can be assured that they have at least reached a minimum requirement of educational qualification required to practise in their particular field and be regulated by their own professional bodies.

As for counselling, I could go to my local key-cutting/shoe-mending/sign-making kiosk in my local shopping centre tomorrow and get a shingle-sign made up saying "DublinWriter - Counsellor to the Rich and Famous", hang it outside my office and no one could stop me from practising.

I'm not discounting the work that counsellors do. Some are fantastic, some are complete and utter chancers. It's just that I've seen some people with problems who really need to attend a psychiatrist end up going to a counsellor and vice-versa.

As a bystander and reading your initial post, I get the impression that you have a number of very deep and well-rooted issues to do with self-hatred that may or may not stem from your early years.

Again, this is really something you'll need to work out with a trained and qualified mental-health professional, but I've a gut-feeling that you are only dealing with the symptoms of your problem now and not the root causes.

I hope it all works out for you,

DW.