Should I or Shouldn't I?

Anna23

I was not able to post this in the "sex an sexuality section" as I do not have access to that.

Anyway I have a question, theres this guy in work I kinda fancy, I know he likes me as well, but dont know what to do to should I ask him out or let him make the first move he is very shy. He helped me change my tyre, and was jokeing and being funny, I noticed he was checking me out for some time, to be honest with u I though he was ugly but after he cut his hair short he looked really good. after he helped me change the tyre I sent him and email and I said " if you have time today (friday) can I buy u a drink for the help, just to say thanks" to which he said

Thanks for the offer but I won’t be around tomorrow evening! (I’ll be busy changing wheels for ladies in distress - It’s what I do every weekend! Usually rob their bags while they are distracted though - count yourself lucky!)

Anyway - don’t worry about it and have a good weekend!



to which I said, excellent so I dont owe u anything! and left it at that

I am a bit younger, only 24 and I think he is 30 or so, we work in different areas but see each other every day.

I dont know what to do....I heard one of his friends reading his horoscope as a joke one day when I was passing by which said" say what u want to say now"

I am lost, he sends me all this signals and I dont know if I picked up on them the wrong or the right way!!!

HELP PLEASE

The guys in work are saying maybe he just isnt intrested yet, I am more than sure he doesnt have a girlfriend....

Beruthiel

That's a polite brush off, otherwise he'd have suggested another time or asked for a rain check.
Forget about him.

biko

Well, you offered a drink and he declined without giving any offer in return. I'd say that's a No thanks.
If you think "he sends me all this signals" then indeed pursue but let him offer a drink next time.

edit/beaten to it by "The Jackboot of Love" :-)

LegacyUser

he sends me all this signals and I dont know if I picked up on them the wrong or the right way

sounds like you're just reading WAY too much into things because you fancy him.

definately doesn't sound like hes interested i'm afraid. if he was interested and genuinely couldnt make it he would've suggested another day instead. Sounds like he just threw in the joke to soften the blow.

AnonoBoy

Yup. That's a polite brush-off if ever I saw one.

While he may enjoy a bit of flirting and like the attention he gets from you if he was interested in taking it further he most likely would have suggested another time.

Anna23

yeah I thought he is just diplomatic, its a dimplomatic NO, but yday we went for lunch and I saw him looking to see in what restaurant I went into as he was sitting in the plaza outside, actually he was looking to see where I was sitting, when I came out I went behind him with my friends and he was with his back at me, he stood up to see where I was sitting and didnt sit down, he was looking at me, I dont know!

milod

he's a guy, so unless he's married, in love, or unbelievably shy, he'd have taken you up on the offer. You said he was checking you out, but to be honest most guys do this anyway, whether they fancy a girl or not!

He might be a slow burner, in which case he may come back to you when the message sinks in...

ntlbell

Anna23 wrote:

yeah I thought he is just diplomatic, its a dimplomatic NO, but yday we went for lunch and I saw him looking to see in what restaurant I went into as he was sitting in the plaza outside, actually he was looking to see where I was sitting, when I came out I went behind him with my friends and he was with his back at me, he stood up to see where I was sitting and didnt sit down, he was looking at me, I dont know!

I think you're looking into the whole thing to much, maybe he was getting ready to run in case you came over to his table?

Anna23

ha ha ha, no ha ha ha, he was sitting in the plaza I went in and he stood up and looked to see where I was sitting and when I came out he stood to see what I was doing...mayeb I am reading to much into this I dont know!

I need to have him, so any ideas are welcome

metrovelvet

He doesn't want you and you are in denial.

You can try to seduce but when women do this they get pinned for bunny boilers so be careful. The chase is a man's game.

Anna23

Yes I actually though that as well, ah well, I will just have to give up....guess I should just find someone else, the funny thing is there is someone else and I dont really think it will work....

Clairecluck

It sounds to me like he's messing with your head. He obviously knows your interested and is enjoying leading you on. have plenty of male friends ike that and know plenty of eejit girls who fall for it. you'll end up sleeping with him, he'll give you the brush off and you'll feel crap about yourself. get out now while you still hgave your dignity!

Anna23

he doesnt seem like a player, he really doesnt, he seems very shy, and almost afraid, he he he!! maybe I scared him

biko

At a previous job there was this girl I couldn't take my eyes off.
I really wasn't interested but she was really beautiful and she must have thought I was weird, always staring at her but never making the move.

spinandscribble

i doubt he fancies you. the horscrope thing was just reading it aloud for christs sake lol!
i might be a girl but i check guys out even if i dont want/fancy them, its human nature.
maybe she was just looking inside the building?
maybe he's nervous around you because he heard you fancy him.
just because he doesnt have a gf doesnt mean he wants one.

Fanny Cradock

metrovelvet wrote:

The chase is a man's game.

What a load

metrovelvet

^ It's true. There's a double standard.

LundiMardi

Anna23 wrote:

yeah I thought he is just diplomatic, its a dimplomatic NO, but yday we went for lunch and I saw him looking to see in what restaurant I went into as he was sitting in the plaza outside, actually he was looking to see where I was sitting, when I came out I went behind him with my friends and he was with his back at me, he stood up to see where I was sitting and didnt sit down, he was looking at me, I dont know!

You sound exactly like me when i had a crush on this girl...... when i was 15...

''she just made eye contact with me... she did!!, she likes me!''

Best off moving on i'm afraid

King of Kings

Fanny Cradock wrote:

What a load

fanny I totally agree. metro - that's crock

Anna23

Ok well I give up, I've an interview with another company today....so I mite as well forget all about him! so ok u are saying I am acting like a 15 year old, thanks!!!

Victor

Anna23 wrote:

to which he said

""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""

What does this mean?

Anna23

oh sorry that was what he said but I deleted just inc ase he see it! sorry

Thanks for the offer but I won’t be around tomorrow evening! (I’ll be busy changing wheels for ladies in distress - It’s what I do every weekend! Usually rob their bags while they are distracted though - count yourself lucky!)

Anyway - don’t worry about it and have a good weekend!

neuro-praxis

metrovelvet is right, he/she gave sound advice to the OP.

Men can pursue a woman and it's considered cute or charming or winsome up to a point, but if a woman asks a man out, gets the brush-off and continues to pursue, it's not at all socially acceptable.

metrovelvet wasn't putting a moral value on girls pursuing guys - only pointing out the double standard that definitely exists.

OP - chalk it up to experience and move on! Good luck in that interview, too.

Anna23

Well I am not insisting, and I will not ask him out either, but I dont understand why he keeps playing with me, mayeb he found out that I had a fling with another guy in work( which became a disaster and everyone found out including my boss who had a word with me, those were the days ha ha ha) after all the guys in work think I am a "man eater"

I am pissed off about this, first reason is I usually get what I want, and second why does he have to mess with my head???

I dont know.....I guess moving on is the best thing..

I canx the interview....I dont think I am in a good mood or able to answer anyones questions, I am a bit depressed after this....

ntlbell

Anna23 wrote:

Well I am not insisting, and I will not ask him out either, but I dont understand why he keeps playing with me, mayeb he found out that I had a fling with another guy in work( which became a disaster and everyone found out including my boss who had a word with me, those were the days ha ha ha) after all the guys in work think I am a "man eater"

I am pissed off about this, first reason is I usually get what I want, and second why does he have to mess with my head???

I dont know.....I guess moving on is the best thing..

I canx the interview....I dont think I am in a good mood or able to answer anyones questions, I am a bit depressed after this....

It looks to be me that the only one "messing with your head" is yourself.

FX Meister

milod wrote:

he's a guy, so unless he's married, in love, or unbelievably shy, he'd have taken you up on the offer.

That's not true. If a girl asked me out for a drink and I knew I didn't fancy her I wouldn't take her up on the offer. What's the point in leading someone on?

Clairecluck

"I am pissed off about this, first reason is I usually get what I want, and second why does he have to mess with my head???"


Get over yourself girl:rolleyes:

Anna23

I think you misunderstood what I meant to say by that claire!

I didnt mean it to sound like I am all that, but I tend to usually get what I want, thats all I was trying to say, and theres no need for me to "get over myself"

All I did was ask for your advice, I tend to be a bit pushy, maybe because of the job I do, I dont know where to stop!!

Thanks for the advice.... I really appreciate it

NTLBELL I guess you are rite, probably I am seeing things....

b3t4

Anna23, something you need to get about guys is that they are to the point and blunt. Basically they don't do the mind games that women generally do. There is very little reading into what guys say or do. (btw I'm female)

I'm afraid in this scenario you are definitely reading WAY too much into things when there isn't anything to read into.

It's you that's messing with your head and not him.

A

Anna23

Thanks, yep it must be me! Silly me

skywalker

Anna23 wrote:

I am pissed off about this, first reason is I usually get what I want

Wow what an attractive quality.

Anna23

I am sorry I sounded like a total Bi tch, sorry, I am not that way, I was just upset!

biko

Leave him to make the next move.

NZdubstar

it's amazing the differences in responses just because the rejectee is a female here - if it was a bloke rejected by a girl there would be one type of answer - she doesn't like you - you're starting to get creepy - move on - you're pathetic.
Anyway maybe he just doesn't find you in the least bit attractive, why would he go out with a girl he thought was wrote-off?

LegacyUser

'I would disagree with the majority of the advice here.
You like this guy, so you should follow what you want until you are sure he doesnt want you in return.
At this point, I dont think you can be sure. I think you should try once more without hanging any emotional hope on it. That way, at least you will know for sure. You have nothing to lose.'