Engaged a month, he won't talk plans/ideas!

Teamhair

Hi all. Its a long one and really just for me to let off a bit of steam! My partner and I got engaged at the beginning of May and I'm now thinking its time to start getting some ideas together on when we'd like to get married and what we'd like to do for the day itself. Its generally understood by both of us that we want something extremely small and intimate! And cheap! The idea of going to Sorrento was bandied about quite early on and I had a vague idea that we'd do the deed May 2008. All that sounds great in theory, but other half won't sit down with me and firm things up a bit! I think he likes the idea of going away with as few guests as possible but I need him to actually say it! I'd like to organise a provisional date, so we can start checking out various packages, but again, he isn't particularly forthcoming on this. When I try to talk with him about it, he's gets quite worked up about the possible expense. Last night when I mentioned a figure of €10,000 for the wedding, he said, "You'd better start saving". Quite upsetting, as we all know (as he does) that €10,000 is an extremely conservative figure, even if it is just us, my parents and his brother and sister in law on the day and a party on our return home afterwards. I'd love to have just a few more guests, but I'm not even going to mention it now. A catered gathering after the event with all my friends and extended family will be just fine. The tropical honeymoon of my dreams is out the window though and I feel a little bit sad about that. But I can't really complain- a honeymoon in Italy would be wonderful. I don't know what the big deal is- I don't want the traditional Irish wedding, we make good money, I've a little bit of debt from a personal and a car loan but perfectly manageable. He has no debts, is well behaved with his credit card and has excellent savings. We could certainly save between us the money required by next year. I will admit that there is a tiny, tiny streak of meanness with money in him, but sometimes he can surprise me! I'd be over 99% certain its not cold feet as we knew from our first date two years ago that we'd be together and he was talking marriage after the first month! I'd generally feel pretty secure about our relationship, but this morning I'm feeling a little bit less so. Maybe he's just a bit overwhelmed and I should leave him be for another month or two, try not to mention anything to do with the wedding. If anyone has insights, please send them on! Thanks for letting me get this off my chest!

Fratton Fred

Give him time. Most blokes take a lot of courage to pop the question, once that is done we kind of expect that we are off the hook for a while. That doesn't mean you should stop, just try not to bombard him with details just yet.

Incidentally, if you want a tropical honeymoon and a marriage abroad, why not do as we did and combine the two and get married in the caribbean? it's not as expensive as you may think.

We booked through a UK company though, it worked out a lot cheaper, even with the flights to the UK first.

jubi lee

maybe he hadn't intended on getting married in the next year or two? maybe he just wants a longer engagement??

i ask him whther he sees you getting married in the next year or if he'd prefer to leave it for a few years..

by the sounds of it, he's not actually ready to do the deed quite yet!

Teamhair

Hiya, thanks for those. Maybe you're both right. I didn't really think I was bombarding him for details, but maybe he saw it that way and it put him off a little. I guess I'm just a bit more enthusiastic and excited than he is (I am a chick after all!) but I'm not a so-called "Bride-zilla"! I never really pictured a dream wedding, but now that its actually happening, its nice to throw some ideas into the ring! Its not exactly a daily thing, more weekly, but I'll do my best to let it rest for a while, let him be the one to bring it up in his own time. I am pretty certain he was thinking of next year for the wedding, but maybe the reality is a bit different now. Fratton Fred: could you recommend a UK company that might be good value? That might suit actually as my immediate family live in Canada and it wouldn't be too far a distance for them to travel.

Eoin

Teamhair wrote:

Hiya, thanks for those. Maybe you're both right. I didn't really think I was bombarding him for details, but maybe he saw it that way and it put him off a little. I guess I'm just a bit more enthusiastic and excited than he is (I am a chick after all!) but I'm not a so-called "Bride-zilla"! I never really pictured a dream wedding, but now that its actually happening, its nice to throw some ideas into the ring! Its not exactly a daily thing, more weekly, but I'll do my best to let it rest for a while, let him be the one to bring it up in his own time. I am pretty certain he was thinking of next year for the wedding, but maybe the reality is a bit different now. Fratton Fred: could you recommend a UK company that might be good value? That might suit actually as my immediate family live in Canada and it wouldn't be too far a distance for them to travel.

Hate to tell you this, but I'd say that 99% of girls are a bridezilla to their fiance!

I wouldn't have minded a month or two of grace period after we got engaged - believe me, as the time approaches it takes up a lot of your time (I'm at 6 weeks and counting today), so let him - and yourself - just enjoy the downtime while you can.

Fratton Fred

Teamhair wrote:

Hiya, thanks for those. Maybe you're both right. I didn't really think I was bombarding him for details, but maybe he saw it that way and it put him off a little. I guess I'm just a bit more enthusiastic and excited than he is (I am a chick after all!) but I'm not a so-called "Bride-zilla"! I never really pictured a dream wedding, but now that its actually happening, its nice to throw some ideas into the ring! Its not exactly a daily thing, more weekly, but I'll do my best to let it rest for a while, let him be the one to bring it up in his own time. I am pretty certain he was thinking of next year for the wedding, but maybe the reality is a bit different now. Fratton Fred: could you recommend a UK company that might be good value? That might suit actually as my immediate family live in Canada and it wouldn't be too far a distance for them to travel.

sent you a PM

danyosan

eoin_s wrote:

Hate to tell you this, but I'd say that 99% of girls are a bridezilla to their fiance!

I wouldn't have minded a month or two of grace period after we got engaged - believe me, as the time approaches it takes up a lot of your time (I'm at 6 weeks and counting today), so let him - and yourself - just enjoy the downtime while you can.

I must have gotten it easy. I'm five weeks on Friday and haven't had any hassle whatsoever. Think we had everything planned well in advance though so no worries. I even wrote my speech 2 weeks ago!!

GAA widow

First of all Teamhair - congrats on your engagement!! Ye must be delighted!

As regards may 2008 - we're getting married in july 08 ( engaged since august 06) and my h2b is very laid back about it all - " what you worry about might never happen" etc... i suppose that's what i love about him!

weddings are expensive these days, i don't think anyone will argue with that. we'll probably take out some bit of loan, rather than wait x amount of years til we've the money saved up. It'll all work out in the end, hun - pm me if you like.

Bulmers

this is a normal reaction for a guy, i was the exact same, got engaged june last yr, then didn't really want to know for a few months after it, in terms of planning..

my fiancee is the same, doesn't want trad irish wedding so we're getting married in spain, about 50 coming. If you want somewhere cheapish to get married, spain is good, we're getting married near marbella, then honeymoon to mauritius..all in all coming in at about 25k ( honeymoon is 7k ) kinda went for nice stuff at the wedding as small.

I was hoping for around 10k myself at the start but soon realised this was not going to happen, you still want something nice in the end, can be done cheap and nasty but i dont expect any bride wants cheap and nasty.

So i reckon he'll come around..biggest hassle i found was setting venue/date..up to that ur in limbo as not sure what you're doing but once u have something to aim for, an end goal as such, things fall into place.

i'm looking forward to it but also looking forward to the end of it aswell!!!...i didn't say that!!:D

Figment

Perfectly normal reaction. Its a huge scary step to pop the question. Give him time to settle into it.

joseph brand

I am a Groom to be. Hate the idea of the price of a wedding, and I am not mean with money. Its just that us men focus a lot on bills and keeping the fmaily finances in the Green!

I want to be like Jools Holland and get married after a lenghty relationship.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/entertainment/4196900.stm

Jools Holland married his long-term partner at a private ceremony near their home in Kent on Tuesday.
The musician and TV presenter, 47, wed sculptor Christabel McEwen, 43.

They have been together for 15 years and have a 14-year-old daughter called Mabel. Both of them also have children from previous relationships.

The wedding at St James's Church, in Cooling near Rochester, was attended by stars including Ringo Starr, Robbie Coltrane, Stephen Fry and Dawn French.

Other guests included comedian Lenny Henry, singer Lulu, actress Jennifer Saunders and her husband Adrian Edmondson

Women are mad to be married like their friends, it seems. Whichever girl gets married last, it's her BF/Fiance who will be in the Sh*T!

Its not like I don't want to marry my Fiance, it's just, what's the hurry??