This tune needs lyrics

LScaper

The guitar part bugged me until I tracked it. No lyrics though, and that's not like me.
Anybody want to take a crack at it?

http://www.soundclick.com/bands/songInfo.cfm?bandID=540680&songID=5446115

Fusion251

LScaper wrote:

The guitar part bugged me until I tracked it. No lyrics though, and that's not like me.
Anybody want to take a crack at it?

http://www.soundclick.com/bands/songInfo.cfm?bandID=540680&songID=5446115

Hey had a listen there. I can understand why you can't put lyrics to it. It's all over the place. I like it but it's hard to decide where the 1 is sometimes. I think the drums kinda throw it out a bit....

I'll have a go at some lyrics anyway and let ya know how I get on.

Fusion

yevveh

Aye, it is all over the place. Not bad, just needs better arrangement. I'm not a lyricist though so can't help you.

gero13

yea sounds very nice as a instrumental, i see what u mean about the lyrics....quite tricky indeed! especially since there seems to be a lake of structure, although i'm sure there is.

Did u ever just consider just leaving as an instrumental?

LScaper

Yeah...the tune is kind of free form. I tracked it the way it came to me to see what it has. Believe it or not I tracked it to a click.
I'm thinking that some sort of story line could develop that might give it some structure, but I would not be averse to leaving it as an instrumental.

I appreciate the listens and the feedback and if anybody finds that story line I'll track it and see where it takes the tune.

LScaper

Yo Fusion........checked out your tunes.
Very nice stuff!

*tOpLaSs

YEah it's a really cool tune, but it certainly ain't very steady rhythmically, that's probably why it's hard to put lyrics to it. But I'm not really an established lyricist. BEst of luck, post again if you have success!

yevveh

LScaper wrote:

Yeah...the tune is kind of free form. I tracked it the way it came to me to see what it has. Believe it or not I tracked it to a click.
I'm thinking that some sort of story line could develop that might give it some structure, but I would not be averse to leaving it as an instrumental.

I appreciate the listens and the feedback and if anybody finds that story line I'll track it and see where it takes the tune.

Oh yeah, it is in time, I was counting away to it, but it's the drums that make it sound all over the place from what I remember.

LScaper

Yeah, I stuck those canned toms in there at the end....same thing with the ride cymbal. I remember getting kind of random with them. Seems like I was unconciously trying to get away from the rhythm.

Hmmmm..........maybe I'll pull that stuff out and see if the tune speaks out differently.

EDIT:

Loaded up a version without the random toms....if anyone is still interested.
I think I'll put this one back on the burner and see if I can come up with something. Usually my lyrics come to me on their own....the good tunes anyway.
Might be a good exercise to put some extra effort into this one.

MetalMaiden

Thing is, it'd be very hard to just write lyrics to that and post them, cos it'd all have to be arranged in a very free-rhythm way to make them fit.

LScaper

Yeah........I know.......you're right.
I don't get stumped for lyrics often, though and I thought maybe someone would have a phrase or two that might turn on the lights for this one.

I stuck it in the rotation with five other new tunes that will go on the next album and I guess it works as an instrumental.

I tried to scat a few verses but they fell flat. Guess you just can't push that river, right?

Thanks to all for the input.

http://www.soundclick.com/bands/pagemusic.cfm?bandID=540680

oooops

just pm'd you some lyrics to that.............rather than make sense of the tune and try to structure i just put lyrics that suit the emotion of the song, took me about 5 mins but just a sample for you for fun.
I have written lyrics for 100s of tunes, just about ready to trim them down in the next few months,,,,

I'll write the lyrics here to be castigated..........criticism on 5 mins work don't bother me........:) for this type of tunes you dont need many words....it's all about the feel...

"""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""

the sparks are flying and they singe the grass, as we lay oblivious
flames blowing as we ignite the night and forget about the cold in our hazy delight...
staring right at the heavens with a glint in our eyes, we know feelin like this that we're not going to die


you can't kill the phoenix, cause he basks in the fire, you can live foreever with this crazy desire......

LScaper

There we go!

I like those lyrics.
The tune is still percolating big time. It's in the rotation.......I play it in the truck right after 'Rescue Me' and I kind of scat things to it to try to establish some phrasing rhythms.

I'll take these and see what happens.

http://www.soundclick.com/bands/songInfo.cfm?bandID=540680&songID=3933199