Cheating Heart

LegacyUser

I am in a long term relationship with a girlfriend I love and live with. Recently have been plagued with thoughts of cheating. I don't have any one in mind, in particular, but I would just like to meet some random punter and bang the bejayusus off them, no strings attached.

Don't get me wrong, I love my girlfriend and I don't want to break up with her but I can't get the idea of sleeping with someone new out of my mind. A holiday with my mates is coming up and sorely tempted/afraid I will do the deed over there.

My relationship is quite serious and we have been going out for a number of years. Lately though the thoughts of sleeping with someone else is holding me back.

Will I regret a one nighter or will it be good to get it out of my system and move on?

Has anyone here cheated and got some benefit from it?

Glowing

Get over it, or finish things with your girlfriend first. No good can come out of cheating in a relationship. What if she found out? How hurt would she be?

You say you love her so do the right thing by her. You can't have your cake and eat it too.

AngryBadger

Sounds like maybe the sex has lost it's spice?

If you cheat just to get it out of your system you'll wind up ruining everything, I would recommend NOT doing that.

PinkPrincess26

You quite clearly DO NOT love your girlfriend..... fantasy's of sleeping with other people are quite acceptable obviously as there only fantasy's .

Maybe you need to spice things up in the bedroom with your girlfriend.

Slow Motion

It will not solve anything and possibly ruin everything ! If my other half cheated on me (even once) that would be it game over !

Sounds like it alright

Try the sexy stranger roleplay and see how you feel

biko

^^^ Roleplaying can work.
You probably have the 7 year itch and are getting a bit complacent. Only natural imo. However you must/should not act on this while in a relationship.

davyjose

PinkPrincess26 wrote:

You quite clearly DO NOT love your girlfriend..... fantasy's of sleeping with other people are quite acceptable obviously as there only fantasy's .

What a ridiculous and sweeping statement. You can determine whether or not the OP loves his girlfriend from 5 paragraphs of script???

Op I would definitely say it's just a case of the spice having gone from your relationship.
As coolsmileygirl said, the sexy stranger roleplay could really work. Of course yo'll need to have a word with the missus first - let her know you feel the spark has gone. I would NOT advise cheating - it will destroy you.

Peyton Manning

davyjose wrote:

What a ridiculous and sweeping statement. You can determine whether or not the OP loves his girlfriend from 5 paragraphs of script???

Op I would definitely say it's just a case of the spice having gone from your relationship.
As coolsmileygirl said, the sexy stranger roleplay could really work. Of course yo'll need to have a word with the missus first - let her know you feel the spark has gone. I would NOT advise cheating - it will destroy you.

Your response to pinkrpincesses statement is typical of this societies understanding of the word 'love'. Love is not a word you put at the end of a text message or to use as in 'OMG I love that song!'. I can also assure you that love is not the word to use for a partner with whom you are having thoughts of cheating on.

If he did love this girl, and I meanLOVE her the way the word is supposed to imply, then he wouldnt be having these thoughts.

Wibbs

Archimedes wrote:

If he did love this girl, and I meanLOVE her the way the word is supposed to imply, then he wouldnt be having these thoughts.

I would add he may be having these thoughts, but he would not be thinking of taking it further.

davyjose

Archimedes wrote:

If he did love this girl, and I meanLOVE her the way the word is supposed to imply, then he wouldnt be having these thoughts.

I'm sorry Archimedes, Love is what people out of the Movies feel then is it? If you honestly believe that human weakness and "Love" are mutually exclusive, then I'm afraid that you have set some awfully high standards.
I would appreciate if you didn't deign to tell me what my understanding of the word love is. To think that others can't distinguish between their feelings for their parents/long term partner and their favourite Westlife song is arrogant; and to think that love is as simple as never putting a foot wrong, is naive.

Oryx

Id say if you do start down this path of even a single one night stand, it will be the death of your relationship. Casual flings can be addictive, whose to say your longing for them wont get worse? Think realistically of the mess and hurt you will create if you either get found out or fall for one of your one-nighters.

Decide which you want more, your gf or random sex. Its going to be pretty hard to have both!

LegacyUser

Also think of what might happen if you got the other woman pregnant or caught an STD.

If your desires to cheat are really this strong you should break it off. If you cheat once, you might really like it and do it again and again and again.

Or you could feel terrible afterwards and the guilt could destroy the relationship entirely.

G&T

You need to decide if this girl is what you want.
you say you are with her for years and live together,
so im assuming ye are not 18.Where do you see yourself in 10 years,
Do you want to get married/have kid's with her,
Do you think ye settled too young,did you wake up this morning and think "where has my life gone"
maybe your not ready for happily ever after
but a one night stand wont give you answers.

the grass is not always greener on the other side

PinkPrincess26

davyjose wrote:

What a ridiculous and sweeping statement. You can determine whether or not the OP loves his girlfriend from 5 paragraphs of script???

Op I would definitely say it's just a case of the spice having gone from your relationship.
As coolsmileygirl said, the sexy stranger roleplay could really work. Of course yo'll need to have a word with the missus first - let her know you feel the spark has gone. I would NOT advise cheating - it will destroy you.

How is it a ridiculous statement..... you yourself have obviously never really been in love because if you have.... u would know why I said what I said.....

To the op every1 seems to be coming up with the same scenorio..... try something new in the bedroom... to spice things up if your bored... like role playing...

davyjose

What a ridiculous and sweeping statement - you can tell whether or not a person has been in love from 2 paragraphs of script.... :rolleyes:
For what it's worth, I am in love, and whilst I have never felt the need to play away, I am not going to turn around and judge the OP for feelings I'm sure he wishes he never had.

fantasy's of sleeping with other people are quite acceptable obviously

Incidentally, what gives you the right to decide what is or isn't universally acceptable. There are some who might suggest you have never been in love, having made the above statement.

Bottle_of_Smoke

How about a prostitute? Not condoning cheating but at least if you ever had to tell her she probably wouldn't feel as bad. Unless you catch something of course.

If you have a fling & she finds out the relationship is knackered, imagine she did the same on you.

seastar

Bottle_of_Smoke wrote:

How about a prostitute? Not condoning cheating but at least if you ever had to tell her she probably wouldn't feel as bad. QUOTE]

If my boyfriend cheated on me with a prostitute, I would probably feel worse than if it was a one nighter! What a crazy suggestion!

PinkPrincess26

davyjose wrote:

What a ridiculous and sweeping statement - you can tell whether or not a person has been in love from 2 paragraphs of script.... :rolleyes:
For what it's worth, I am in love, and whilst I have never felt the need to play away, I am not going to turn around and judge the OP for feelings I'm sure he wishes he never had.


Incidentally, what gives you the right to decide what is or isn't universally acceptable. There are some who might suggest you have never been in love, having made the above statement.

I was not judging the op I was giving my opinion....... And in my opinion if you really love someone you do not think about cheating on them....

Also get real.... a fantasy and thinking about cheating on your partner cant even be classed in the same categry

I think anyone of sane mind would agree that fantasys are fine.... as there in your head... you dont act on them...

PeakOutput

PinkPrincess26 wrote:

How is it a ridiculous statement.....

its a ridiculous statement because love and sex are not the same thing............the op is talking about having a sexual fantasy that happens to involve cheating on his partner.......in his paragraph there is nothing to suggest he does not love her but everything to suggest he is sexually frustrated "bang the bejaysus out of"

there are thousands of couples all over the place who enjoy having sex with other people(swinging) and i do not believe they love each other any less than people who only have sex with eachother for 50 years...........


btw anyone who has read some of my other post s will know i am vehemently against cheating but him thinking about it and talking about it is so far away from actually doing it that it cannot be automatically assumed he does not love his partner just from that

PinkPrincess26

PeakOutput wrote:

its a ridiculous statement because love and sex are not the same thing............the op is talking about having a sexual fantasy that happens to involve cheating on his partner.......in his paragraph there is nothing to suggest he does not love her but everything to suggest he is sexually frustrated "bang the bejaysus out of"

there are thousands of couples all over the place who enjoy having sex with other people(swinging) and i do not believe they love each other any less than people who only have sex with eachother for 50 years.........

Your entitled to your opinion as much as I am.... however this scenario wouldnt be classed as swinging as he would be doing it behind his girlfriends back.....

PeakOutput

PinkPrincess26 wrote:

Your entitled to your opinion as much as I am.... however this scenario wouldnt be classed as swinging as he would be doing it behind his girlfriends back.....

im aware of that but you said if you love someone you dont want to have sex with anyone else(royal you not you personally)

PinkPrincess26

PeakOutput wrote:

im aware of that but you said if you love someone you dont want to have sex with anyone else(royal you not you personally)

Thats because I believe if you love someone, you dont want to have sex with anybody else, If couples both agree to have an open relationship well then thats totally fine, but I could never think of someone I loved haven sex with someone else and feel fine about it. theres just no ways....

PeakOutput

PinkPrincess26 wrote:

If couples both agree to have an open relationship well then thats totally fine

so you agree that a couple can have sex with other people and still love eachother as much as you will/do love your partner even though having sex with someone else is not for you???


then why do you jump to the conclusion that he does not love his partner when he is only THINKING about doing something wrong.


im pretty sure im correct in saying that most guys will think about cheating and not just in a fantasy way but in a legitimate weighing up the pros and cons of having sex with that fine looking lady across the bar way..........the difference is having the cop-on / mental restraint not to and to me anyway it is that cop-on / mental strength that decides how decent a person you are and op IF you do love her you will be exceptionally dissapointed in throwing it all away for a quick **** in puerto ven **** hole and if she finds out how much pain it'l cause her

PinkPrincess26

PeakOutput wrote:

so you agree that a couple can have sex with other people and still love eachother as much as you will/do love your partner even though having sex with someone else is not for you???

No I certainly dont think that people who love each other can have sex with other people..... thats just my personal opinion......

I just think that if you do love your girlfriend and maybe this is just a phase you have to get through... how would you feel if you found out she had let someone bang the bejasus outta her ... would you except her saying to you that it was just sex and she still loved you very much.... I think not....

TerrorFirmer

PinkPrincess26 wrote:

Thats because I believe if you love someone, you dont want to have sex with anybody else, If couples both agree to have an open relationship well then thats totally fine, but I could never think of someone I loved haven sex with someone else and feel fine about it. theres just no ways....

Yes exactly, YOU believe, just because you do so does not mean everyone else must do so too, so please refrain from weighing in your own opinions as universally accepted fact...

It's natural to fantasize about things of all sorts of descriptions, and also natural to even momentarily consider these things in times of desperation - but that's not to say it happens to everyone, but it is no less natural to think of it in the first place regardless. Being with someone for a long time, especially from a younger age, can obviously result in curiosity, frustration, and a routine relationship where things seem just..stale.

I've had problems with my long term girlfriend in this regard and we've both done things relatively recently we're not proud of, the main underlying issue being something similar to what you've described. At this moment in time, we're closer then we've ever been, and we just sat down, talked, and reached some conclusions and acted on them in a manner that was suited to us both, and now things, again, literally couldn't be better. You'd be amazed what a bit of honesty and a talk can do, granted, it may not work out as you'd like but it did for us, and it's certainly worth a shot before you seriously think of doing anything behind her back.

You really can love someone and do terrible things that plague you forever....that much I definitely know for sure, so people really should be a bit more thoughtful before posting aggressive conclusions....

Anyway, I hope it works out for you...good luck with it, I've been there with my girlfriend and come out on top.

LegacyUser

You really can love someone and do terrible things that plague you forever....that much I definitely know for sure, so people really should be a bit more thoughtful before posting aggressive conclusions....

If staying with someone causes you to have regrets everyday then can i suggest putting this girl behind you and starting fresh.
I cant believe making each other miserable is a good foundation for any future together.

I dated a guy and things happened that we both regretted we thought we could get passed it and we did for a while'(6 mts) but a relationship is based on trust,and with no trust there can be no love(imo)

Hope it will work out for you,

Schism

I agree to whoever said its natural for people in stable relationships to have fantasies, be they of some unattainable star or that saucy girl across the room.
But I also agree with pink princess, if you love the girl dont cheat on her. Theres nothing to be gained from it.

Think about it the other way. If your girlfriend cheated on you what would you feel? would you put someone you love through that? of course you wouldnt. I dont mean to be all preachy here but I am of the opinion that love and monogomy go hand in hand. I was in an open relationship once and couldnt handle it when I saw her with someone else, and that wasn't love! I guess im just old fashioned

PinkPrincess26

HavoK wrote:

Yes exactly, YOU believe, just because you do so does not mean everyone else must do so too, so please refrain from weighing in your own opinions as universally accepted fact...

It's natural to fantasize about things of all sorts of descriptions, and also natural to even momentarily consider these things in times of desperation - but that's not to say it happens to everyone, but it is no less natural to think of it in the first place regardless. Being with someone for a long time, especially from a younger age, can obviously result in curiosity, frustration, and a routine relationship where things seem just..stale.

Am you missing something here. boards is about opinions.... so because you dont agree with mine doesnt mean its not right.....

and if you actually read all my posts you'd see ive said its totally natural to fantasize.


To the op..... just think about your g/f and how much you say you love her, she obviously trusts u as u do her.... would you risk all that for a bit of once off ruff...

your choice mate.....

Talliesin

cheating heart wrote:

I am in a long term relationship with a girlfriend I love and live with. Recently have been plagued with thoughts of cheating. I don't have any one in mind, in particular, but I would just like to meet some random punter and bang the bejayusus off them, no strings attached.

If you think about it absolutely coldly, there are lots of advantages in having plenty of sex with strangers.

Part of your mind's job is to think coldly about how you can get what you want.

It's done it's job, you're having some fantasies.

Now, assuming you are not a psychopath, you don't react purely on the basis of that one part of your mind (and even psychopaths put some thought into the chances of getting caught).

Don't turn a perfectly natural libidinal urge into something that ruins a good relationship. Enjoy the fantasies perhaps, but keep them in their place.

metrovelvet

If you think you can **** around and then relate to your girlfriend the same way you are kidding yourself. That's the kind of mud you cant wipe off your shoes, you bring it home with you no matter how much you think you have left it at the door.

Super Sidious

i shagged ur girlfriend last nite so dont worry about it if u decide to cheat...shes doing it too!!

bilbo79

flynner13 wrote:

i shagged ur girlfriend last nite so dont worry about it if u decide to cheat...shes doing it too!!

Me too-lol:D

seahorse

metrovelvet wrote:

If you think you can **** around and then relate to your girlfriend the same way you are kidding yourself. That's the kind of mud you cant wipe off your shoes, you bring it home with you no matter how much you think you have left it at the door.

I agree with this completely; cheating creates emotional distance and that law applies just as surely even if your gf never finds out - OP, you need to figure out what's important to you here, because if you want to **** up your relationship there is no surer way to do that than screwing around.

NextSteps

Bottle_of_Smoke wrote:

How about a prostitute? Not condoning cheating but at least if you ever had to tell her she probably wouldn't feel as bad. Unless you catch something of course.

Worst advice ever!

OP, do you really want to continue with your girlfriend? It looks like you are trying to sabotage the relationship - cheating, as you must know, is asking for trouble. You'll undoubtedly end up spinning a whole web of lies and, even if she never finds out, I don't see how the mutual respect needed for a relationship will hold up. If she does find out, you'll either find yourself in a very compromised moral position for the rest of your time together, or (and it'll be no more than you deserve) on the street with your belongings being fired at you from an upstairs window.

bolliwoodi

PinkPrincess26 wrote:

You quite clearly DO NOT love your girlfriend......

Thats crap

Marksie

flynner13: One week ban.

Bilbo79: you too

LegacyUser

I have been there and done that and while it's great fun, I do warn you that she WILL FIND OUT. You think she won't and you know that you will cover your tracks, swear your mates to secrecy, and never ever mention it again as long as you live but it will come out and then you will be in hot water.

I went out, had a good time with a guy and thought that it was out of my system... until I went back the second time and the time after that. It won't stop with a one off after you get away with it the first time... and then he found out. We are still repairing our relationship 4+ years later.

Honestly, take the other posts suggestions and try to spice things up in your own relationship. I do think you love her, but you and I both know there is just something missing and you are seeking that something elsewhere. Find out what it is and bring it into your current relationship.

Good luck.

Mr. Incognito

Unfortunately this has decended into everyone trying to impose their morals on everyone else instead of trying to relate to the OP in questions.

mate I was in your shoes. Totally. People are different. Some people find it easier to commit than others and sorrily people don't give any leeway when you don't seem to be compatable. I was in a long term relationship and did play the field a bit. In the end, it doesn't work. You get a bit of a high and self satisfaction because, hey someone else out there likes me and it's the novelty factor of someone new in bed, doing things differently. Your relationship will suffer not because she knows but because you do. You won't respect yourself kiddo and your relationship will probably go down the tubes.

seahorse

SetantaL wrote:

Your relationship will suffer not because she knows but because you do.

If you only pick a single sentence out of the whole thread to listen to OP, make it this one.