Tesco#

Enright

Ladies,
don't take your fellas shopping with you, they don't enjoy it and are often forced to make their own fun which is not generally not thought to be a good thing.
The below letter was recently sent by Tesco's Head Office to a customer in
Oxford:

Dear Mrs.Murray,
While we thank you for your valued custom and use of the Tesco Loyalty Card, the manager of our store in Banbury is considering taking the drastic measure of banning you and your family from shopping with the Tesco group.
This is not a decision that will be taken lightly, but it is a matter that needs addressing in light of your husband's erratic and, often, anti-social antics at the Banbury outlet over the recent months. Below are some examples, all verified on in-store close circuit television, of some of Mr Murray's offences which have brought this matter to an unfortunate head.

June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly dispersed them in other shoppers trolleys when they weren't looking.

July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to feminine products aisle.

July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official tone, "Code 3" in housewares..... and watched what happened.

August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

September 15: Set up a tent in the outdoor clothing department and told shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring sausages and a gas stove.

September 23: When the Deputy Manager asked if she could help him, he began to cry and asked, "Why can't you people just leave me alone?"

October 4: Looked right into the security camera; used it as a mirror, picked his nose, and ate it.

November 10: While appearing to be choosing kitchen knives in the Houseware aisle asked an assistant if he knew where the anti-depressants were.

December 3: Darted around the store suspiciously, loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme.

December 6: In the kitchenware aisle, practised the "Madonna look" using different size funnels.

December 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed, yelled "PICK ME!" "PICK ME!"

December 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, assumed the foetal position and screamed "NO! NO! It's those voices again. "

And; last, but not least:
December 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, then yelled, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here."
We await your response prior to our final decision, but in the meantime would appreciate if you and, especially, Mr Murray could do your shopping elsewhere.

Yours sincerely,

Charles I Brown

Recon

...must have taken those emails a bit too seriously...

biko

Charlie Brown works for Tesco?

forbairt

Always funny ... its a new slant on it ... heard it as a walmart / tescos top 12 things to do .. .before

Fey!

I changed this one about 6 months ago onto a "Dunnes" letterhead (downloaded from their website) and sent it to my girlfriend. After reading through it 3 times she fell around the place laughing. In her letter, the managers name was Rick O'Shea.

darkskol

biko wrote:

Charlie Brown works for Tesco?

lol

Steoob

raped joke made from an actual funny email about 12 things to do in a shop while your wife is shopping

a5y

rofl!