weird email

metaoblivia

Okay, I have a bit of situation that I need some help with.
I briefly dated this guy back in September. We got on well from the start, and when he went back to school, we intended to keep the relationship up. I met him through family. My father is married to his step-aunt and I end up spending the holidays with him and his family.
Things didn't end up working as we had hoped, and culminated with him telling me that he was seeing someone else on, of all days, Valentine's Day, this year. Cue the violins and broken heart. I started dating again, almost immediately, and by the end of the month I had been out on a few dates. Currently, I'm not seriously involved with anyone, but I am casually seeing several men.
Anyway, he came back to town for a summer internship, and I ran into him at the gym. He asked how I was and told me he had heard that some of my artwork was on display. I told him it was and he started in on how he wanted to see it, and where could he go. I told him we go to the place, have a cup of coffee and a chat and catch up. He said that was a good idea, so we made arrangements.
And then he never got back to me. It got to be the day of when we supposed to meet up, so I sent him an email saying that it was okay if he couldn't make it. I understood that he was busy and that he might still feel weird, given our history.
He wrote me back and told me that it wasn't a matter of not wanting to go, it was a matter of timing, and timing is everything. He then told me he wished me the best in all that I do and hoped I had a good summer.
I just found his response completely bizarre. Does he still think that I have feelings for him?

Attol

He sounds like the kind of psycho headwrecker who is to be avoided at all costs.

Nick_oliveri

im with Attol, serious headwreckery going on there. His excuse will probably be "oh i was drunk when i sent that email"!

Thought goes into the written word, and obviously he wasn't thinking much when he sent you that email.

Was he trying to be romantic? No...
Was he trying to be nice? No...

Ruu_Old

Sounds like his is playing some sort of mind game alright, ignore it and him.

takola

Wouldn't waste my time on him to be honest. Sounds like he's not interested or couldn't be bothered. Just leave him to it.

MojoMaker

Maybe the pressure of exams at school is getting to him. He might be trying to get to college in the Autumn and be looking to zone out other stuff at the moment.

Anyway, teenagers, who'd have 'em?

metaoblivia

He's actually not a teenager (hard to believe sometimes!). He's in his mid 20's, and a law student... his semester is over, which is why he's home for the summer.

DublinWriter

metaoblivia wrote:

And then he never got back to me. It got to be the day of when we supposed to meet up, so I sent him an email saying that it was okay if he couldn't make it.

People will always wipe their feet on anything with 'Welcome' written on it.

metaoblivia

metaoblivia wrote:

He's actually not a teenager (hard to believe sometimes!). He's in his mid 20's, and a law student... his semester is over, which is why he's home for the summer.

Ignore him and forget about him forever

tbh

Whether he has feelings for you, or he thinks you have feelings for him, it's all irrelevant anyway - don't waste any time letting it wreck your head. Just be grateful you don't have to deal with it! kudos on getting your artwork displayed btw.

metaoblivia

DublinWriter wrote:

People will always wipe their feet on anything with 'Welcome' written on it.

I don't appreciate your insinuation that I'm a doormat. On the contrary, I was canceling meeting myself rather than letting him stand me up. Obviously it wasn't okay that he acts the way he does, but it's no reason to yell and scream and go in hysterics. I was essentially saying, "forget about it, since it's clear you don't want to come," in a more refined manner.
If you have nothing to add to this thread except for insults, don't post in it.

antoinolachtnai

Maybe he is upset and mixed up about his feelings for you and doesn't want to expose you to those feelings (which obviously wouldn't be too nice for you)?

Obviously there's no way to know way to know why he wrote what he wrote but I suggest you be charitable in your thoughts about his intent. You might as well be, it's more pleasant that way, and it might even be correct. There's obviously no point in contacting him again.

DublinWriter

metaoblivia wrote:

If you have nothing to add to this thread except for insults, don't post in it.

Honestly, I didn't mean it as an insult, I meant it as a truism.

That's the way it tends to work out in life. Sorry if you felt it was insulting.

marie_85

antoinolachtnai wrote:

Maybe he is upset and mixed up about his feelings for you and doesn't want to expose you to those feelings (which obviously wouldn't be too nice for you)?

Obviously there's no way to know way to know why he wrote what he wrote but I suggest you be charitable in your thoughts about his intent. You might as well be, it's more pleasant that way, and it might even be correct. There's obviously no point in contacting him again.

I don't mean this to sound sarky or bitchy, but there's this great book that I'd recommend every girl should buy called 'He's Just Not That Into You' written by two of the writers from Sex and the City. The introduction basically explains that one of the writers, Greg, was sitting with a room full of women who were analysing one of their boyfriend's recent actions and offering ridiculous excuses like the one above. Eventually they asked Greg his opinion and his response was 'Maybe he's just not that into you.' The whole premise of the book essentially is that occasionally, it's simply the case that the guy simply isn't interested and you're better off focussing on the guys who are into you. Just a thought...

Chucky the tree

you meet in a gym and you then invite him too see it and coffee(date??), he says HE will email you, but when he doesnt you decide to email him(??)


I am not at all surprised he thinks your interested.

Attol

Funny story. My ex best friend just did a very similar thing to me. I was an idiot, reached out to him the other day and we were meant to meet up for coffee and to say hi. Threw it back in my face today by saying "maybe another day" after I'd been expecting him to email/call me to arrange final details. Feel like a right idiot and regret ever having spoken to him again. Tell him to go f*** himself and never contact you again as there is never anything better to do to "friends" like these. They need to just be thrown away. They will never change, they will always be selfish scum who care about nobody else's feelings. Whether its friendship or more these kinds of people will always consider only their own feelings. Some people are like this whether male or female.

metaoblivia

Thanks for the responses. Consider the situation over.

Stabshauptmann

Its possible he just expressed himself poorly in the email. To me, he just said he was busy.

So you were dating, he decided you werent the type for him, honestly I couldnt blame him, what with the strining along a handful of men line.

You bumped into each other and he was polite. Nice guy. Then you over-analysed things.

boffin

I would say it is a simple case that when he saw you - he got caught up in the moment of seeing you again and then when he left and had a think about it he realised that it wouldn't work if he will be returning aboard once the summer ends. Simple case of bad timing as he is abroad most of the year. Ans yes I do think he thinks you're interested.

metaoblivia

Alright an update:
I sent him an email back telling him that I was seeing other people, and that because of our history and the way he had treated me, I was no longer interested in him as anything more than a friend. I told him that I didn't think it was timing, but just that we were two different people who weren't compatible with each other. I had invited him out because he had mentioned he wanted to see my artwork, and because I thought it might be nice to clear the air since our families spend holidays together.
He got angry about that, and said I didn't know him well enough to make that kind of judgment, at which point I deleted his email because nothing seemed to be making sense.
He emailed me an hour later to apologize and say that he was having a rough day, and let's just forget about everything we said to each other today and move forward.
I haven't responded and I'm not going to because the things he says make no sense.

boffin

I would just send him a reply saying!
"ok, let's forget about what was said today. Good luck with your apprenticeship". (or whatever it is he is doing)

I just couldn't be bothered dealing with that headwreaking behaviour and then at least your are in civil terms for the two families. End of

Steve_o

metaoblivia wrote:

Alright an update:
I sent him an email back telling him that I was seeing other people, and that because of our history and the way he had treated me, I was no longer interested in him as anything more than a friend. I told him that I didn't think it was timing, but just that we were two different people who weren't compatible with each other. I had invited him out because he had mentioned he wanted to see my artwork, and because I thought it might be nice to clear the air since our families spend holidays together.
He got angry about that, and said I didn't know him well enough to make that kind of judgment, at which point I deleted his email because nothing seemed to be making sense.
He emailed me an hour later to apologize and say that he was having a rough day, and let's just forget about everything we said to each other today and move forward.
I haven't responded and I'm not going to because the things he says make no sense.

Listen i think this is a case of serious over-analysing!!! You said you have "casual" relationships with other men, ran into him at the gym, made a coffee date....then when he didn't show up you decided to email him...and he was a little distant....well You hadn't seen him in a while!!! it sounds like he was quiet polite in the gym....maybe all he wanted was a cup of coffee and a chat then changed his mind i don't think its as big a deal as you seem to think....as i said, over-analysing!!!!

Money Shot

My dear, you are well out of that one. My advice is - don't instigate any more contact with him whatsoever. If he mails you, respond with as few words as possible and be polite. If you meet him again, be nice, but try and find away out of the conversation as quickly as you can. If he ever wants to meet - say you'll get back to him and don't.

Some people are just odd and like to keep people on a line for whenever they need them. Draw a big thick line under this guy and move on.

Stabshauptmann

He got angry about that

About what?!

Did you happen to spell out in your email why you werent compatible, or elabourate as to why you didnt think it was timing.

Call me cynical, but if you give a biased or selective account of things then the advise you receive here will neither be impartial, accurate or helpful.

He asked that ye both forget the hurtful things said today, but you havent told us that you said anything hurtful...

metaoblivia

Kaptain Redeye wrote:

About what?!

Did you happen to spell out in your email why you werent compatible, or elabourate as to why you didnt think it was timing.

Call me cynical, but if you give a biased or selective account of things then the advise you receive here will neither be impartial, accurate or helpful.

He asked that ye both forget the hurtful things said today, but you havent told us that you said anything hurtful...

I really didn't say anything I thought would be offensive. I just said that I thought we weren't compatible as a couple as opposed to his theory of timing. I quoted directly from our emails. He didn't say 'hurtful' by the way. He said, let's just forget about everything we said today. It was a blanket statement. That he apologized within the hour shows that he recognized his getting angry at me was unfounded, I think.

To be honest, I haven't found much help from posting about this, and the next time I'm dealing with something confusing, I'll know not to post about it on here.

Slow Motion

metaoblivia wrote:

To be honest, I haven't found much help from posting about this, and the next time I'm dealing with something confusing, I'll know not to post about it on here.

A bit harsh but your entitled to your opinion, as a rule people here tend to be sincere and offer helpfull and good advice most of the time !

boffin

metaoblivia wrote:

To be honest, I haven't found much help from posting about this, and the next time I'm dealing with something confusing, I'll know not to post about it on here.

Your welcome....next time I won't bother trying to help you

edited --- change "we" to "I"

metaoblivia

Slow Motion wrote:

A bit harsh but your entitled to your opinion, as a rule people here tend to be sincere and offer helpfull and good advice most of the time !

Perhaps it is harsh, but I have people calling me a doormat, and people saying that they can see why he doesn't like me because I string other men along, and assuming that I'm only telling parts of the story that make me look good.
In truth, it's only my own fault for posting, not anyone else's. I've learned more than one lesson in this fiasco.
And boffin, I appreciated your advice.

cance

you posted your problems on the internet, and didnt expect harsh critisism? go figure.

on your PI, i think it would be best to phase your relationship out with him, hes trying to string you along and you dont deserve it.

checklist:

delete his number:
delete his email address:
buy yourself something shiney:

once they are all checked i deem you fixed :P

metaoblivia

cance wrote:

you posted your problems on the internet, and didnt expect harsh critisism? go figure.

Like I said, completely my fault, and I mean that.

cance wrote:

on your PI, i think it would be best to phase your relationship out with him, hes trying to string you along and you dont deserve it.

checklist:

delete his number:
delete his email address:
buy yourself something shiney:

once they are all checked i deem you fixed :P

Number has been gone for a while. Email and all emails received from him are gone (unfortunately his email addy is easy to remember - you just have to know his name).
I have to pay a traffic ticket, otherwise, I'd be all over the shiney (twas speeding to get to a date with one of those men I'm stringing along).

antoinolachtnai

Can everybody be nice to one another?

Linoge

metaoblivia wrote:

(twas speeding to get to a date with one of those men I'm stringing along).

What goes around comes back around.

metaoblivia

Linoge wrote:

What goes around comes back around.

That was a joke... both myself and the guy I'm dating have expressed that we are only looking for something casual right now. We both have so much going on right now that a committed relationship is out of the question. I don't understand why this is so hard to accept for people who know absolutely nothing about the situation.

Marksie

metaoblivia wrote:

Perhaps it is harsh, but I have people calling me a doormat.

I believe the poster in question immediately apologised

Stabshauptmann

metaoblivia wrote:

That was a joke... both myself and the guy I'm dating have expressed that we are only looking for something casual right now. We both have so much going on right now that a committed relationship is out of the question. I don't understand why this is so hard to accept for people who know absolutely nothing about the situation.

Thats not the same as what you said in your OP. Did you just express yourself badly?

Currently, I'm not seriously involved with anyone, but I am casually seeing several men.

Casual relationships are fine, I think anyone who judges you for them are a bit prudish. Several concurrent casual relationships though, I call that being a tramp.

And like Ive said already, what we know about your situation is wholly what you tell us; dont complain about people offering advise who know nothing about the situation. Thats your fault.

Oryx

OP, youre having the same problem here as with your emails to and from your ex. Emails and forum posts can lack the emotion of a conversation and can be so easily misinterpreted. Someone can read something into a comment that you really didnt intend. Its why we have smilies . Perhaps thats why your ex got irrationally angry with you, and then re read your email, got another impression from it and apologised. Or he was just tired or something at that moment which you couldnt pick up on from the email.

Anyhow, end of the day you two arent going to hit it off, it seems and while parting as friends is the ideal, sometimes it doesnt happen. Id leave it so, and if you ever bump into him say hi, treat him like any other acquantance, and leave it at that.

Shadowless

As far as I can see the only person sending weird e-mails is you...

Let me see if I'm reading this right?

You were meant to meet up.
He never got back to you. (Was being nice at the time, wasn't interested)
You sent him an e-mail. (He's like woah, she obviously didn't get the message, bunny boiler alert!)
He sent one back saying he did want to go but couldn't because "timing is everything" (Better not hurt her feeling's, our parents are friends after all)
Then you sent him an e-mail "telling him that I was seeing other people, and that because of our history and the way he had treated me, I was no longer interested in him as anything more than a friend. I told him that I didn't think it was timing, but just that we were two different people who weren't compatible with each other"

A bit psychotic imo...

Sounds like you were just annoyed that he came to the (perfectly reasonable) assumption you liked him and that you wanted to set the record straight. And twist the knife while you were at it!

estar

stop now

forget he ever existed.