unruly teenagers (not mine)

curehead

been seeing this woman for a few months now, she's seperated from her husband , just waiting on the finalization of the divorce , he was an abuser and adulterer so she got custody of the kids, this was six years ago , she has brought them up on her own , working two jobs just to keep paying mortgage, bills, etc etc . anyway the "kids" are now 14 and 16 they are bright and articulate and do good in school and are into sports but the problem is the way they treat and speak to their mother . the 14 year old in particular wont do anything to help her mother around the house and some mornings refuses to go to school point blank what can you do in this situation in particular you can't force them into school she just tells her mother f off she's not going calls her a bitch .......... is this the way kids are these days ? im 35 and wouldn't dream of saying that even now.... anway i was just wondering did anyone go through this and what did they do or not do in these situations all reply;s appreciated ................ ps forgive the grammar

Kildrought

Unfortunately they are not your children, any attempt to correct their behaviour towards their mother will not work well; it's her job to do so.

Teens can act out pretty badly and it seems to me that is what is happening. Not going to school is just not on in my book - I have in the past threatened to bring a child to school in pjs!

You may find that a little praise goes a long way....find something good to say about their behaviour / achievements...for all their talk many teens are really just like small children and like the attention.

Nevyn

Might be tricky but what about getting a teen parenting book for yourself or getting her to recamend one ?
Take it from the angle of you want to know not how to screw things up and she may well read ti her self.

wingnut

I teach in the UK. If a kid keeps missing school we tell county and they prosecute the parents.

Not saying this is the case but sometimes this behaviour comes with parents giving in to the kids all the time at a young age. Its easier at that age but you reap what you sow.

I have seen parents trying to deal with kids like these saying there is nothing they can do. But then the kids at 14 have the latest mobiles, trainers etc. You gotta hit them where it hurts a firm hand, cruel to be kind etc.

undecided

wingnut wrote:

I teach in the UK. If a kid keeps missing school we tell county and they prosecute the parents.

Not saying this is the case but sometimes this behaviour comes with parents giving in to the kids all the time at a young age. Its easier at that age but you reap what you sow.

I have seen parents trying to deal with kids like these saying there is nothing they can do. But then the kids at 14 have the latest mobiles, trainers etc. You gotta hit them where it hurts a firm hand, cruel to be kind etc.

This not necesarily the right way to deal with it as for trainers phones etc easier said than done

my mother is sperated fahter v little intrest younest brother 16 refuses to go to school. Only that I was in the house I wouldnt have beliaved it.
She took away the pc and said when he started to go to school it would be retuned. He threatened to wreck the house if it wasnt returned when he came back in hour. He returned to no pc and proceeded to carry out his threat. broke chairs and everything we couldnt stop him as he is double our size.

we were NOT spoiled as kids I wouldnt dare do anything like this ever. The difference is he knows my mother cant do anything and my father wont step in.

My point : its not alway the parents fault

by the way any suggestion that might help much appreciated!

Jotter

undecided wrote:

my father wont step in.

My point : its not alway the parents fault

I think you said it yourself, your father HAS to step in. I think with boys in particular they need a father figure or their dad, if your dad really isnt bothered then is there an uncle or some male that he looks up to (thats a good influence!)maybe they could have a word?

OP theyre not your kids so theres not much you can do esp as youre new on the scene, maybe suggest to the mother to speak to the school, they may have councellors her daughter can speak to or they may have some advice for the parent.

best of luck

Khannie

Kildrought wrote:

Unfortunately they are not your children, any attempt to correct their behaviour towards their mother will not work well; it's her job to do so.

I disagree with this. My wife has a child from a previous relationship and I step in if he gets out of line (which is rarely thankfully) and she is happy with this. He is much younger mind you (9).

She may be looking for support from you. You should really ask her if she'd like some backup. The only thing is that you need them to respect you first.

luckat

OP - your first line is telling: been seeing this woman for a few months.

If you're going to get together, then this is your business, and you need to find out how to help the kids get straight.

If you're *not* going to get together, perhaps you shouldn't get involved, as it's not your affair how your squeeze and her children deal with life.