Wat the hell is wrong with me!

LegacyUser

ITs been a good 2 years maybe more since the ex broke it off, and even though Im far from the whole tears and constantly thinking of her mode, I cant let go of it fully. There is two really nice girls on my tail lately and I just find the smallest wrong with them. Its pathetic, cant seem to give them a chance. Kinda forcing myself to give one of them a chance (good lookin, great laugh etc) but somethin is not there. This is more so a moan than seekin advice I suppose, but hadta get it out someway. Im in mid 20s btw.

Beetlebum

I think there are some things and people in life that you never fully get over. You accept them and learn to live with the pain and lose but you never fully get over it. For example, my mam dying - I'll never fully get over what happened to her and losing her but I've learned to live with the fact that she's not here and sometimes I even go days without thinking of her at all.
My first boyfriend - was with him for 4 years, I fell outta love and broke up with him. It was stressful and upsetting but I got over that in a matter of weeks. My most recent ex broke up with me last summer and I don't think I'll ever fully get over him. I still think about him all the time and I still love him but I've accepted the fact that he's moved on and I have to aswell. I'm not in love with him anymore but I miss being around him and I think I'll always feel a little said when I think of our lost relationship.
I don't really have any advice to give you, just know that your not alone and many people still hold torches for lost loves. Maybe it's a case of meeting someone new.

BaZmO*

Banor man wrote:

ITs been a good 2 years maybe more since the ex broke it off, and even though Im far from the whole tears and constantly thinking of her mode, I cant let go of it fully. There is two really nice girls on my tail lately and I just find the smallest wrong with them. Its pathetic, cant seem to give them a chance. Kinda forcing myself to give one of them a chance (good lookin, great laugh etc) but somethin is not there. This is more so a moan than seekin advice I suppose, but hadta get it out someway. Im in mid 20s btw.

The reason why you're finding faults in them could be because you are afraid to commit and thus risk the possibility of rejection again. I don't think that you're still holding a flame for your ex, it just seems like you're using her as an excuse to not commit to anything.

Evil Phil

What BaZmO* said. Maybe you should try dating one of these girls and getting to know her better ~ it may sever your ties with the past.

Caliden

The only way I have found ot get over someone is to find someone else. Companionship and time will heal any wounds at all. Just make sure you get off to a clean start if you start going out with one of these girls and let the other one down gently.

Kell

Caliden wrote:

The only way I have found ot get over someone is to find someone else. Companionship and time will heal any wounds at all.

Thats works until one day you wake up on GF #15 and think "Who the fúck am I. How did I get into this relationship" and your honest answer will be "I dont fúcking know. One minute I was running like the rest of the Lemmings towards the cliff and next, here I am".

OP- have you figured out the reasons why it broke down and also figured out WHAT exactly upset you so much. In many ways, a partner is an *emotional crutch and keep us free from having to do things on our own, like face the world or the washing machine. They can also relieve us of specific pains like our insecurities and shoulder cramp.

The point is, if you were totally secure, used to doing everything for yourself (and not just the washing) then you never really suffer regrets or wishful thinking when its gone. You're still left with a warm fuzzy glow whenever you think of them and you truly wish the best for them.

K-

Attol

You don't have to get into a relationship with the girls you're interested in. Why not take one out for a drink or something and see how that goes? You'll have no pressure and you can slowly ease your way back into the whole dating scene. Have you been socialising much since your break up?

LegacyUser

I get the whole emotional crutch thing. It was good to have that partner to tackle the world with etc...we did spend alot fo time together and lived in one anothers front pockets. When the breakup occured I was heartbroken and all that comes with it, andI wasnt myself for a while. Im a stronger person now and know its okay to be single and do sh!t for myself, I am socializing and my mates are seeing more of me (as is the pint glasses!).

I do find it hard to commit. I find it hard to find a spark and get excited about anything like this (not physically now! Just the whole butterflies in stomach and time to chase feelin). Maybe I just have to give this girl a chance.