Member of L.G.B.T and feel isolated

LegacyUser

Didn't want to restrict this to lg.b. forum where only lgb people tend to reade. Lost a lot of friends , and most of family hostile, recently on grounds of who I am...and struggling to make new ones. Support services limited. Isolated

spurious

Since you're online, there is no need for you to be isolated. No matter where you are in the country, I can guarantee you are not the only gay person. You could try one of the larger gay forums online, such as http://www.gaire.com where there are very many people who would be only too happy to offer support. They have meet-ups every so often too. They are not all gay, but any straights who are members will not judge you.

Take part in the forums, maybe chat to people, attend a meal or a mini-meet etc. Even if all you want is someone to accompany you on a (first??) trip to a gay or gay-friendly bar, there will be people who will do that. You do not have to feel alone and isolated.

Marksie

OP: Are you in a rural area? or an urban area where there is a higher population density and people do not necessarily know each others business and be more accepting?

The family may need time to adjust, i assume that you have come out as gay/lesbian and that this is what is causing the issue?

Could you help us out and give more details on what the situation is and we may be able to help you more

DeVore

It still amazes me that people (not you OP, other people) get all weird about someone coming out as gay.

A flatmate of mine came out to me one night and was really shook up about it. He was pale and shakey and told me he had something to tell me. I'm sorry to say that when he DID tell me I nearly smacked him one. I lambasted him out of sheer relief, "Jesus Christ man... **** sake, I thought you had cancer or something!" and switched on the TV. Then I realised it was a big deal for him and I switched it off again! I was really shook up I thought someone had died or he was terminally ill or something and I had scared him with my volatile reaction! We both saw the funny side of it then...

The point is that you are probably not seeing the wood for the trees. People arent nearly as judgemental as they used to be either... so try and mend things with your family.

If you lost "friends" because of this, then they werent really friends and you are better off knowing that now then when you really need them. Make real friends who accept you as you are. Its not like you're frackin' Quasimodo or that you are sexually attracted to midgets in tootoo's or anything (you arent, are you? )

Explain to your family that you arent called Mandy on the weekends because they might think that (they arent part of the LGB scene so God only knows what they think) and to hell with the rest of them. Find a better class of person to be your friend because you dont need the haters.

Sounds like you are lonely too. Get a hobby, get out and meet people, being gay is a trait not a personality... you are much more then your sexuality.

DeV.

Marksie

Unfortunately, Devore people still do, whether they feel threatened or somehow that the friend they new is totally different now because of it... all sorts of reasons. They have a perception in their mind of what it means to be gay or bisexual which is nothing like the reality.

OP: Though you say you didn't want to confine his to the LGBT forum, do raise the issue there as I am sure people will help you in that forum as well.

Beruthiel

Unreg23May2007 wrote:

Didn't want to restrict this to lg.b. forum where only lgb people tend to reade.

Maybe so, but aren't they the exact people who know what you are going through and may have some very helpful advice with how to get through this.

Agent Smith

If this is who i think it might be, please pm me.

AnonoBoy

It is horribly sad to me to think that young people (I'm talking under 40 here) in this day and age still would see someone being gay as a big deal.

I think the fact that I was raised by loving and liberal parents who taught me to respect everyone depsite our differences as long as they did no harm to others made me unaware of the horrible prejudices that existed in and among people of my own age who were raised to know no better. But i honestly get shocked when someone my age actually isolates a friend because they come out.

I cannot imagine OP what you are going through as I am not gay myself but suffice to say that I have many friends who are gay and, despite the hardship and isolation they may have endured when they first came out, they all cam eout the other side as healthier and stronger people. And the majority of their families, despite initial reactions to the contrary, learned to accept them for who they were and learn that they were actually the same person and sexual orientation did little to change what it was that they loved about them in the first place.

Best of luck. I know that things may seem horrible right now but you WILL get through it and you WILL be a stronger person for it. Seek help through organisations of people who know what you have been through via direct experience. You will gain invaluable advice and may even make invaluable friends.

Good luck dude.

monosharp

Unreg23May2007 wrote:

Didn't want to restrict this to lg.b. forum where only lgb people tend to reade. Lost a lot of friends , and most of family hostile, recently on grounds of who I am...and struggling to make new ones. Support services limited. Isolated

Could never understand that myself, i'm not exactly the most open minded of people, for example i can't stand americans and because of a bad experience with 20-30 of them and their great worldwide reputation i usually judge any i meet before they open their mouths. well .. i'm more of the "I really don't care" crowd.

Moved in with a lad, had my suspicions even though i didn't care. He ended up telling me he was gay, i said "Ok". He said "is that it ?" I said "U fancy a pint ?" He said " r u not freaked out ?" I said "I don't care u fag." (And yes i'll call him whatever i want, i know its not meant badly, he knows its not meant badly. Its slagging and i hate the PC crowd).

Why do people care ? Not wanting to take away from the OP's question or anything.

DublinWriter

Unreg23May2007 wrote:

Didn't want to restrict this to lg.b. forum where only lgb people tend to reade. Lost a lot of friends , and most of family hostile, recently on grounds of who I am...and struggling to make new ones. Support services limited. Isolated

The best you can do in this life is be honest with yourself and who you are. Fair play to you for taking that most important step.

You say you lost a lot of friends? No loss, they weren't your friends in the truest sense of the word.

I'm sure family will eventually come around.