Bathroom Faux Pas

monkeyfudge

Monkeyfudge rarely creates a thread in After Hours, but we've been drinking... so we'll make an exception.

We were in a pub this evening... two other reasonably well known boardsies were also there and they'll confirm the look of puzzlement, confusion and fear upon our faces after this incident took place.

We'd had a few drinks at this stage, and as is the fashion we needed to avail ourselves of the toilet facilities.... Now we're not big fans of using the urinal when someone else is about and our fears were confirmed when we walked into the toilet and there was a man standing at the urinal playing with his own steaming stream of piss... flapping his hand back and forth across it, he was.. he looked over at us and grinned... We headed straight for the one and only cubical and listened for him to leave... HE DIDN'T EVEN WASH HIS HANDS!!!!

We're willing to accept that there is a plausible explanation for his behavior.... perhaps some form of urban jelly fish had just stung him and he was hoping that the ammonia in his urine would ease the suffering... but it's possibly more likely that he's some form of urine obsessed freak...

Has anyone else ever come across this sort of behavior...? As me and my monkey were very much taken aback by it...

The Gnome

Did you accidentally stumble into an underground fetish club by any chance?

monkeyfudge

Nope.. It was a sort of regular ofellas pub just out of the city centre... although this guy was possibly in his thirties.

cast_iron

I'm not sure what's worse - yer man pissing on his hand or 2 men running into the one cubicle in fear till he left.

Victor

monkeyfudge wrote:

we've ... We ... We'd ... we ... we're ... we ... We ... We're ....

Thsi is a thread about wee, isn't it?

Is that you Pighead?

monkeyfudge

Victor wrote:

Thsi is a thread about wee, isn't it?

Is that you Pighead?

Oh.. well spotted...

But it's not the 3rd person, it's the 1st person plural... I refer of course to my monkey and I.

Pigs use the 3rd person, monkeys use 1st person plural.

Steoob

Victor wrote:

Thsi is a thread about wee, isn't it?

Is that you Pighead?

too much time on your hands victor

nesf

monkeyfudge wrote:

Oh.. well spotted...

But it's not the 3rd person, it's the 1st person plural... I refer of course to my monkey and I.

Pigs use the 3rd person, monkeys use 1st person plural.

And there I was thinking that monkeys only used the pluperfect tense.

Adyx

Will anyone think of the poor bar staff? We have to put up with this all the time. I dont care if you have a monkey with rubber gloves to hold it for you while you piss. If you dont wash your hands, (even if you just go in to fix your hair) you're not getting served. Thems the rules!

Rabies

monkeyfudge wrote:

We headed straight for the one and only cubical and listened for him to leave...

So... er.... did you take turns taking a piss

D-Generate

Did you help the other guys shake the last droplets of piss in the one and only cubicle?

Pigman II

Could have been worse. At least he didn't challenge you to a game of ghostbusters

Karoma

Pigman II wrote:

Could have been worse. At least he didn\'t challenge you to a game of ghostbusters

Never cross streams. Never.

Hail 2 Da Chimp

Maybe he was doing it because he was going to shake hands with someone he didnt like... Incidentally I bet it was fun opening the toilet door to get out after him handling it.

joe_chicken

Rabies wrote:

So... er.... did you take turns taking a piss

Well he's hardly going to leave his monkey in the company of that looney!

Tar.Aldarion

Karoma wrote:

Never cross streams. Never.

I bet the guys down in the local didn't like that now my karoma

Karoma

Tar.Aldarion wrote:

I bet the guys down in the local didn\'t like that now my karoma

>_>


*whistles and walks away*

BigTommyBomb

****ting in the sink. Somebody in my class in primary school did it.

Exit

Steoob wrote:

too much time on your hands victor

At least it's not piss.

gyppo

I could never understand the practice of washing your hands after taking a leak. Surely, it would make a lot more sense to wash your hands before you handle your precious todger.:D

Also, when you wash your hands after, you have to handle the door to exit the jacks, which is filthy with germs anyway.......... so why bother??

Back on topic, can't imagine what the guy waving his hands in his own pee was doing.

MarkR

We (and I use this term loosely) wash our hands after going to the toilet because I want clean hands. Now I know all you dirty handed people will say that you don't piss on your hands, and that urine is sterile, but come on. Look at your todgers nearest neighbour (with a mirror if required).

Your jocks will be full of wee dangleberries etc. For those of you who say it's all clean downstairs, throw a couple of m&m's down your pants and let them stew for a while (m&m's melt in your mouth, not in your pants), then scoff the lot later. If you're not willing to do that then don't talk to me about how clean your hands are!

boneless

If you tell us the name of the bar there is a chance one of us will know the person concerned and could thus possibly furnish an explanation of this behaviour. I drink in some bars where a minority of clientelle are slightly eccentric; however, in this instance none of them fit this profile... I do know a few who just widdle where they sit. :eek:

6th

Ok I was one of the other two guys and the look and monkeyfudge's face was priceless ..... for the record I was not in there with him >_>

gyppo

MarkR wrote:

We (and I use this term loosely) wash our hands after going to the toilet because I want clean hands.

And the first thing you do after washing your hands is grap hold of a germ infested door handle.

MarkR wrote:

Your jocks will be full of wee dangleberries etc.

Thats a rather large assumption.:eek:

MarkR wrote:

For those of you who say it's all clean downstairs, throw a couple of m&m's down your pants and let them stew for a while (m&m's melt in your mouth, not in your pants), then scoff the lot later. If you're not willing to do that then don't talk to me about how clean your hands are!

Never said that I didnt wash my hands, or infer that my hands were clean. I think you missed my point.

monkeyfudge

It was in Stoneybatter...

And just because it's in Stoneybatter doesn't mean this thread can be moved to the Dublin forum.... right Biko?

The thread is all about the piss, not the place.

6th

monkeyfudge wrote:

The thread is all about the piss, not the place.

Here here!

boneless

If it was Walshes there's a good chance it was J**k... did he have a beard???

MarkR

gyppo wrote:

And the first thing you do after washing your hands is grap hold of a germ infested door handle.

Thats a rather large assumption.:eek:

Never said that I didnt wash my hands, or infer that my hands were clean. I think you missed my point.

You asked what the point was of washing your hands, I answered.

WindSock

Maybe he was weeing a morse code. Do you remember the sequence?

cson

Seen someone take a ****e in a urinal and not think much of it. That'd be fun for bar staff to clean up.

Pythia

nesf wrote:

And there I was thinking that monkeys only used the pluperfect tense.

Ah, the pluperfect, that brings me back to my Latin and Greek days!

faceman

maybe there was just so much steam that it was like a fog and he couldnt see what he was doin?

Im still trying to work out how the conversation between the 3 of you went before you went to the loo. It could have went like this:

Hypothetical situation (names changed to protect the innocent!):

Gorillatoffee: I need a pee
7th: ooh! me too, ill go with you!
anonymous other person: er, i'll wait till you get back.
gorrillatoffee: gay!
anonymous other person: no im not! Watch i will go with you so!

monkeyfudge

We went to the toilet alone... no one came with us...

Why are people being confused by what we're saying?

6th

Maybe you should type it s-l-o-w-e-r for them?

cson

monkeyfudge wrote:

We went to the toilet alone... no one came with us...

Why are people being confused by what we're saying?

Par chance its because you tried a pighead-esque third person situation and mangled it so horrendously that people here thought that someone accompanied you to the lavatory when in reality it was only yourself and the gentleman soiling himself there in the lvatory in the first place?

monkeyfudge

cson wrote:

Par chance its because you tried a pighead-esque third person situation and mangled it so horrendously that people here thought that someone accompanied you to the lavatory when in reality it was only yourself and the gentleman soiling himself there in the lvatory in the first place?

Exactly!

And it's first person plural and we'd(I'd) been drinking.

randylonghorn

monkeyfudge wrote:

we'd(I'd) been drinking.

Now THAT was about the only bit of the story which was perfectly clear from the start ...

Anyway, why would you insist on taking your monkey into the jacks with you ... unless, of course, it had been acting up, and you needed to spank it in private?




OK ... I'm outta here!

monkeyfudge

I always like to keep a monkey close by... I feel naked without one.

randylonghorn

monkeyfudge wrote:

I always like to keep a monkey close by... I feel naked without one.

Better than being naked WITH one, I guess ...

o_0

Black Swan

monkeyfudge wrote:

HE DIDN'T EVEN WASH HIS HANDS!!!!

Has anyone else ever come across this sort of behavior...?

Yes, and it's a big yuk! Don't you just love it when they reach into the pop corn or peanut basket afterwords? You know, the one they share at the bar? YUK!

Victor

Steoob wrote:

too much time on your hands victor

Well in the context of someone having wee on their hands, I think I win.

Blue_Lagoon wrote:

Yes, and it's a big yuk! Don't you just love it when they reach into the pop corn or peanut basket afterwords? You know, the one they share at the bar? YUK!

Irish pubs are too mean for that.