Help!

joesoap1976

Hopefully some of you can help me!

My Girlfriend dumped me a few weeks ago. She now wants my help to resolve a problem she has with her dog. Last week she gave him away to the pound because she couldnt take care of him. I feel terrible over this because i really love that dog almost as much as i love her ........ The pound are unable to take care of him so they feel it may be best to put him to sleep. I dont know why she is not asking her new boyfriend to help her but she wants me to do something. What can i do? Its killing me having contact with her as i am trying to get over her. I want to help the dog but should i ...... She doesnt want me back ........... What can i do .... help ... please if you can.

cold_filter

If you take the dog, theres a reason for her to come and visit!

joesoap1976

true enough but she doesnt want to get back into a relationship with me. Myself and the dog have been sinbined literally. I am sure she loves us both but not enough to keep us around.

DarkJager

Let her sort out the dog on her own. Her new guy obviously isn't all he's cracked up to be if she is contacting you for this.

joesoap1976

yes that maybe true but i cant allow them to put him to sleep because she is behaviour.

humanji

If you can take the dog, then take him. If you can't then there's little you can do. It's her fault for getting a dog she can't take care of.

joesoap1976

i would normally have no trouble taking him but it would be a constant reminder of her. Also, it means she can move on with her life knowing that the dog is in good hands now too so she can forget about him ......

luckat

If you love the dog, take him.

Anyone who gives a pet to the pound isn't a girlfriend worth having. Ditch her forever and comprehensively. You'll get a lot more love and loyalty (and games of 'fetch') from the dog.

Why are you hesitating??? Go down and pick him up quick before they fry him.

joesoap1976

Honestly, i wont allow that to happen. I will take him befor that happens.

DarkJager

If you feel that strongly about the dog then go and get him man. And make it clear to your ex that it is now YOUR dog.

luckat

joesoap1976 wrote:

Honestly, i wont allow that to happen. I will take him befor that happens.

Why are you waiting?

Marksie

joesoap1976 wrote:

Honestly, i wont allow that to happen. I will take him befor that happens.

Joe: Take the dog if you can.

I know from previous threads that you are having a rough time. But your EX is just that.

I have to say I think she is manipulating you again.

So on both the dog and the ex.

take the dog and cut ALL contact with the ex.

luckat

And for goodness sake go out and find a girl who loves dogs - and you.

Beetlebum

Having read your previous thread, I know you took the break up hard and wanted to resolve things but your ex didn't. She knows that by making contact with you, be it under the pretence of a dog, money, that shirt of hers you still have etc, she knows this is prolonging your pain. She sounds really manipulative. Your better off without her and so is the poor dog.
If you can save him, then do. Be strong and don't let her win by knowing that she's upsetting you.

joesoap1976

she actually just told me that she will collect him at the weekend and give him to a friend who has loads of space down the country ...

BeardyGit

Joe,

Are you going to get the dog then? Call the pound and tell them you're coming for him. Are you sorted for a lift?

Gil

Marksie

joesoap1976 wrote:

she actually just told me that she will collect him at the weekend and give him to a friend who has loads of space down the country ...

and did you tell her no further contact?

Joe, you are trying to get over this i know. But to be doing this to you is going to stop you getting over her.

I stringly suspect its still a control mechanism

luckat

Sounds like "The dog has gone to a farm in Donegal with lots of space, hasn't been put down" to me. Poor little dog.

Smiley012

yeah the whole thing sounds very strange to me.

if you love the dog that much, go and get him, like, as you said you love the dog as much as you love her, if thats the case I'd be done there so fast and be collecting the dog, I wouldn't even give it a second thought!

why are you giving it a second thought joe?

r3nu4l

Beetlebum and marksuttonie have given very good advice joe. I've read your other threads too and I know exactly what you are going through because 9 years ago I was exactly where you are now!

From my own experience and from reading your threads I too strongly suspect that this is just another mind control/how many hoops will he jump through?/manipulation game.

I honestly think that taking the dog would be the humane thing to do but also very bad for you psychologically right now as you sound a bit like me. Just seeing the dog every day would be a constant reminder of what you've lost...

I've said it before and it's worth re-iterating, losing someone you are still in love with is very much like losing someone to death in that you have to grieve a lot before you can move on. What makes it worse and harder to get over is when they return from the dead with issue like this. It's extremely unfair of her and you deserve a lot better than this kind of treatment mate. Cut all ties, have her number blocked from your phone or something.

chump

that dawg obviously means a lot to you - go and get it. I can only see having the dawg around as a reminder of what a bitch your ex was as she was going to have it killed - I can't see that having the dawg around will be a reminder of the love you used to have for the bitch - because she wanted the dawg dead.

Ballyman

joesoap1976 wrote:

My Girlfriend dumped me a few weeks ago...........................her new boyfriend...... She doesnt want me back ........... What can i do ....

Tell her to go fúck herself and then you go away and get on with your life. Go to Coppers tonight and relieve a little bit of stress with a friendly nurse.

joesoap1976

i have actually decided to not tkae the animal because its a constant reminder of her. I need to get over her and seeing the animal everyday will remind me of her. She will take the it to a friend in the country now which is probably for the best. The boards is a great place for support. Thanks

r3nu4l

I think that you've probably made the wisest decision possible there to be honest. You will get over her eventually, maybe not fully but enough to allow you move on.

joesoap1976

its difficult. Keep falling of the recovery wagon ............

Please see my other posted thread today ............ see her or not see her ..... advice is always welcome

liamdubh

This might sound harsh but your girlfriend sounds like a very cold-hearted person. You're better off without her. I can't understand how anybody could give their dog to the pound after it owning it for a period of time. Anybody who isn't completely soulless should love them as much as a family member. If you like the dog take it...it's not your girlfriend.

If you want my advice, delete her emails, her phone numbers, avoid all contact and just get on with it. There are loads of girls out there who are available and looking. As hard as it is to do, it's the only way to go about it. Take it day by day, stop yourself from thinking about her and go out drinking, doing things. Go the gym, make yourself too tired to think. Stop feeling sorry for yourself (if you are). Pretty soon you'll forget about her even if right now you think that you will never ever get over it and it's so bad it's a physical pain. You will get over it and you can start that process today. 2/3 months and you'll be fine.

luckat

Oh, the dog, once a loved pet, has now become 'the animal' because you might be reminded of her and your little feelings hurt?

Perhaps you and your ex are more similar than you think.

Iago

luckat wrote:

Oh, the dog, once a loved pet, has now become 'the animal' because you might be reminded of her and your little feelings hurt?

Perhaps you and your ex are more similar than you think.

It is an animal, hardly important in the greater scheme of things now is it. You strike me as the type of person that puts animals before people, you probably donate to animal charities while snubbing charities that help people. The OP has enough to worry about without your irrelevant chastising.

OP you've made the right decision and to be honest, even as you're sitting there reading this and disagreeing with me the best option is a complete break. I've gone through a couple of big break ups in my time, including an engagement that didn't end the way you would expect it to. I can honestly say that a clear and complete break from contact and association is the best way forward. When some time has passed and you're happy with where you've gotten too you can think about getting back in touch and seeing if a friendship is worthwhile, mostly it doesn't happen but sometimes it will.

In the meantime it's important to put yourself first, make a list of all the things you've wanted to do and start doing them, start it today. You'll find that once you start living for you again, the world is a great place to be in.

luckat

Iago wrote:

It is an animal, hardly important in the greater scheme of things now is it. You strike me as the type of person that puts animals before people, you probably donate to animal charities while snubbing charities that help people.

Thanks for the personality profile, very useful.

No, I don't put animals before people. But I do think that any humane person who takes on an animal as a pet will continue to accept responsibility for that pet.

Iago

luckat wrote:

Thanks for the personality profile, very useful.

No, I don't put animals before people. But I do think that any humane person who takes on an animal as a pet will continue to accept responsibility for that pet.

You're welcome, I could expand if you'd like?

That's a different debate and off-topic here. The dog was HER pet not his, therefore any perceived responsibility is 2nd hand.

However even if the dog was both their pet do you think it's better for an owner who cannot dedicate time and love to keep a pet who will suffer as a result or see a home try and find a better place for it and failing that give the pet a peaceful end?

I love dogs, the reason I don't currently have one is down to the fact that I won't be there all day and I don't think it's fair to leave the dog all day everyday on it's own. Some of that humane responsibility you're talking about.

At the same time, I don't think it's my responsibility to take on someone elses responsibility and cause pain for myself in the process. When it comes down to it my happiness is more important than a dogs.

Victor

Iago this thread isn't about Luckat. On topic please.

Ballyman wrote:

Tell her to go fúck herself and then you go away and get on with your life. Go to Coppers tonight and relieve a little bit of stress with a friendly nurse.

A little decorum wouldn't go astray.