eye contact

The Bollox

this isn't quite a personal issue, but I am looking for some serious responses. I cannot do eye contact for some reason. it doesn't matter who I'm talking to. whether it be a family member, a friend or a partner I can't look them in the eye without getting a strange feeling deep inside. It feels like I'm naked and vunerable, and cannot hold eye contact for much longer then a second or two, before reverting back to staring at their nose or forehead. the main reason I look away is because I know it makes me squirm, so I must be making the other person uncomfortable aswell. is this a normal sensation, does anyone else get this feeling, or anything similar?

BaZmO*

If you are purposely trying to keep eye contact with someone well then you are gonna be too aware of what you are doing and become self conscious about it. You don't need to keep constant eye contact when talking with someone because for some people this can feel threatening.

I've heard body language experts suggest that you should vary where you look while talking to someone. One suggestion was to make triangles, looking from one eye to the other and then to the mouth. Although try and do this naturally or you'll look like a mentalist flicking your eyes all over the place.

Personally when I'm talking to someone I always look at their mouth, which to the other person just looks I'm looking at their eyes. I'd also try to keep a bit of eye contact too.

Caliden

Whenever I'm talking to someone I always try to find any flaws they have on or around their face. It's wierd I know and I have plenty of flaws myself but it's just habit by this stage.
If it's a girl I'm chatting up or getting to know I'll try look them in the eye a fair bit as you appear more interested.

Faith

I have the opposite problem, I hold eye contact all the time. I'm sure it can be off-putting for people at times, so I have to consciously look other places!

It just takes practice, OP. Keep at it. Looking into someones eyes really is quite an intimate thing, and a lot of unspoken things are expressed through the eyes. It can feel like people can see right into you when you have direct eye contact. You just have to get used to it.

slieveb

I learned a simple trick for "faking" eye contact a few years back, which is to look at the other persons forehead. If you try it with friends or family, you will see that the other person will not notice the difference and it is a lot less stressful for you.

Filan

Had no problem until a few years ago when a 'friend' said I had a very intense stare (by that she meant strong eye contact) ...and conscious of it ever since..and I know of others..wish I wasn't though

WindSock

I find it hard too. I will glance every now and then at the eyes but to be honest I don't like the whole constant eye contact thing, I think its a load of crap as anyone knows how to look in a persons eyes while lying. It is too confrontational to be engaging the whole time. I like to be aware of my surroundings too, I do believe I can give my attention to a conversation while at the same time being alert.

OP, try looking at someones chest in future. Seems to be the norm for most men

Tchocky

Oftentimes I do it too much, scares some people

The Bollox

well I used to do that, however I would zone out and then would get hit by the Tango dude. I haven't seen him do it, but I know it was him!

The_B_Man

i look at the bridge of the nose, right between the eyes. no problems. otherwise i get all watery eyes n stuff! wrecks me head!

Nordie

I hold eye contact all the time, I can suss a person out doing so and usually the instincts are right.

impr0v

As I'm sure you know op, it's related to self-confidence. Eye contact is an offensive mechanism in inter-personal contact, primarily at a sub-conscious level. Some people use it more than others, i.e. very assertive people will stare you out of it to see if you can match their challenge, others are more relaxed about it. It can be very off-putting if someone won't meet you eyes and the general impression given is of somebody who's weak-willed, or deliberately trying to hide something.

Try and do it a bit more, little by little and you'll find it can be a self-affirming process. Nothing is going to happen to you if you hold a person's eye contact, they can't see any more than you let them see.

Doing it more than necessary can be off-putting aswell. If you watch two people conversing who are very comfortable with each other, you'll notice that the natural state of affairs is that when listening, one will look at the other persons eyes constantly, but when talking will hold the gaze intermittently. To stare at someone constantly when talking is to be overly aggressive.

/me looks at feet.

Mr. Presentable

Faith wrote:

I have the opposite problem, I hold eye contact all the time. I'm sure it can be off-putting for people at times, so I have to consciously look other places!

It just takes practice, OP. Keep at it. Looking into someones eyes really is quite an intimate thing, and a lot of unspoken things are expressed through the eyes. It can feel like people can see right into you when you have direct eye contact. You just have to get used to it.

I'm with you Faith. I make eye contact and hold it. People have run off:eek:

Why-so-Mayo

The Bollox wrote:

this isn't quite a personal issue, but I am looking for some serious responses. I cannot do eye contact for some reason. it doesn't matter who I'm talking to. whether it be a family member, a friend or a partner I can't look them in the eye without getting a strange feeling deep inside. It feels like I'm naked and vunerable, and cannot hold eye contact for much longer then a second or two, before reverting back to staring at their nose or forehead. the main reason I look away is because I know it makes me squirm, so I must be making the other person uncomfortable aswell. is this a normal sensation, does anyone else get this feeling, or anything similar?

What i do is i pretend im looking at two massive pair of tits....i really connect!!!!!!!!!

davyjose

I always look at someone's mouth when I speak with them - I only noticed it recently, but it feels more natural to me - that's where the words are coming from, I guess. Tisn't a big deal I wouldnt imagine.

GhostInTheRuins

The Bollox wrote:

this isn't quite a personal issue, but I am looking for some serious responses. I cannot do eye contact for some reason. it doesn't matter who I'm talking to. whether it be a family member, a friend or a partner I can't look them in the eye without getting a strange feeling deep inside. It feels like I'm naked and vunerable, and cannot hold eye contact for much longer then a second or two, before reverting back to staring at their nose or forehead. the main reason I look away is because I know it makes me squirm, so I must be making the other person uncomfortable aswell. is this a normal sensation, does anyone else get this feeling, or anything similar?

I'm kind of the same myself except I have the habit of looking at people mouths when they talk. For the last while, whenever I notice myself staring at someones mouth, I force myself to make eye contact. At the beginning it was quite strange, it felt weird and unnatural for me. Sometimes I'd actually notice that I wouldn't be listening to what they were saying cause I'd be concentrating so much on keeping eye contact. :eek:

But as time went on it got easier and easier and I think now it feels more natural than it did before because I'm used to it. Like you said, it made me feel uncomfortable and vulnerable, but that passes once you get used to doing it.

faceman

there can be different reasons for bein unable to maintain eye contact and without knowing about you its obviously hard to say. in many cases it can be down to self esteem. There is plenty u can do to remedy self esteem issues so dont worry too much about it.