Guilty admission?

LegacyUser

Hey everyone, some advise needed please...

I've been going out with a really cool bloke for almost 10 months now. He's 28 and I'm 24. Last weekend he went away for his best mates stag party in Prague. I admit I was a little uneasy over the course of the weekend, not because I don't trust him, just because the thought of naked girls dancing around him doesn't fill me with joy!. I'm not a jealous person though and have even gone to stripclubs in the past with my ex while on holiday. I know that boys will be boys on a stag weekend and it really doesn't mean anything...

The thing is, he got home on Sunday night and sent me an email first thing on Monday morning saying...'Hi, I'm home, just so you know I wasn't with anybody while I was away. Busy day ahead, talk to you later'.
I read this and thought, oh good. However, as the day went on I started to think (or perhaps over-think) his email. Why did he feel the need to email me right away saying he wasn't with anybody? He answered a question that he wasn't even asked. Suddenly, I got this sick feeling in my tummy that the reason he was so quick to deny being with soemone was in fact because he's feeling guilty. Why deny something before you've evn been accused of it???

Also, he texted me that night saying 'I really love you and I missed you while I was away'. Once again, initially I thought 'awwww...that's sweet' but then about 20 minutes later doubt creeped in. He was away with 24 blokes on a stag....there all big drinkers and a bit wild...would he evn have time to miss me? I dunno, I've convinced myself now that something happened and I don't even wanna talk to him.

Am I just being paranoid and crazy or could my suspisions be founded? We had a lovely night a few nights before he left and he knows I've no problem at all with him getting lapdances an stuff cause to me, it's not a big deal. Please be honest if you think he may have done something. Also, should I have more of a problem with stripclubs or am I right that they aren't a big deal??

Sorry for going on guys, I just would appreciate hearing peoples views...thanks in advance!!

Sleepy

Maybe the guy knows you (well, he is going out with you), knew you were uneasy with the stag and was trying to be a good boyfriend and reassure you?


I'm guessing you are being paranoid.

BoozyBabe

So, 1st you say the idea of naked girls dancing around him doesn't fill you with joy, then you say you don't mind him getting lapdances as it's no big deal to you.

Which is it?

My bf often goes away on weekends with some lads. I generally always get a bit of "I wasn't with anyone", "Chick wanted to take me round the back" (etc, etc, not actual quotes, but you know the gist)
For us, it's a bit of harmless banter. I'd reply with something like "I know cos even someone blind with no arms wouldn't be that stupid" or "the only one taking him round the back of anywhere wud be Pamela & her 5 sisters"

You know, that type of thing. It sound very much to me like that was what he meant:- "oh, aren't I the well behaved bf that didn't go off with anyone, you're so lucky, ha ha ha" etc, etc, type of comment.

You're just not that humorous to get it perhaps.

Also, the I missed you, was genuine. Take it as a lovely compliment.

You're being paranoid, get over it.
Or, you could be right!!
Only you know your bf well enough to know which of the above is correct.

azezil

Oh my gawd you're so incredibly paranoid, yes you're totally over reacting, jeez chillax would ya!

LegacyUser

BoozyBabe wrote:

So, 1st you say the idea of naked girls dancing around him doesn't fill you with joy, then you say you don't mind him getting lapdances as it's no big deal to you.

Which is it?

My bf often goes away on weekends with some lads. I generally always get a bit of "I wasn't with anyone", "Chick wanted to take me round the back" (etc, etc, not actual quotes, but you know the gist)
For us, it's a bit of harmless banter. I'd reply with something like "I know cos even someone blind with no arms wouldn't be that stupid" or "the only one taking him round the back of anywhere wud be Pamela & her 5 sisters"

You know, that type of thing. It sound very much to me like that was what he meant:- "oh, aren't I the well behaved bf that didn't go off with anyone, you're so lucky, ha ha ha" etc, etc, type of comment.

You're just not that humorous to get it perhaps.

Also, the I missed you, was genuine. Take it as a lovely compliment.

You're being paranoid, get over it.
Or, you could be right!!
Only you know your bf well enough to know which of the above is correct.

Not that humorous to get it? To get what exactly? There is nothing funny about 'I didn't score anyone. Anyway, busy day, talk later'.

Oh wait...now I see the funny side...Ha ha ha ha...busy day, that's hilarious!!!!!

Maybe you & your bf joke about girls taking him round back but we don't and there was no humour in the tone of the email. I'd never stop him from going to stripclubs or getting lap dances but at the same time I don't love the thought of it.

txt_mess

Maybe it's just me but it sounds like whether you realise it or not he already knew you were probably freaking out thinking that he might cheat on you. Sound like he just made light of it and actually finds it a bit funny that you think he would cheat.

As for the text when he was away , I know from personal experience since i don't cheat on my other half that when I'm out and get turned on by something ( for example a strip club )my thoughts turn to my wife and actually make me want her to be there and miss her since she's the one I want sexually and there have been a few drunk text messages sent on my part.

Of course there is the otherside that if you think he is cheating on you then it really is your call.

AnonoBoy

Re: Him being too busy to miss you.

Yeah, sometimes lads do get caught up in having a great time boozing with their mates and don't really miss having their girlfriend there (not that they don't love her, just that sometimes it's nice to cut loose). Then they send texts saying 'I really missed you' wel.... because they know that girlfriends really want to hear that - ahhhh, he was out with the lads having a great time but he still was really just thinking about me the whole time. Guys like to think that they're always on their girl's mind too, so it works both ways.

While his email might have been pretty tactless and a bit unneccessary it really sounds like you were a bit worried that he would go off shagging someone while he was away and perhaps he picked up on this and wanted to assure you that it wasn't the case. He'll know better next time.

Marksie

really the bottom line is this: Do you trust him?

he may have sent the text knowing your general unhappiness and got the wrong inflexion in it (texts are so impersonal it is easy to read things into them whihc reflect your own mindset).

Or he may have something to hide.

If you trusted him 100% it wouldn't be an issue

6th

Sleepy wrote:

Maybe the guy knows you (well, he is going out with you), knew you were uneasy with the stag and was trying to be a good boyfriend and reassure you?


I'm guessing you are being paranoid.

My thoughts exactly.

dr.bollocko

Whtobelieve wrote:

Not that humorous to get it? To get what exactly? There is nothing funny about 'I didn't score anyone. Anyway, busy day, talk later'.

Oh wait...now I see the funny side...Ha ha ha ha...busy day, that's hilarious!!!!!

Maybe you & your bf joke about girls taking him round back but we don't and there was no humour in the tone of the email. I'd never stop him from going to stripclubs or getting lap dances but at the same time I don't love the thought of it.

Maybe he texted you right away because he knows that being the type of person you are, and possibly with a hard time you were giving him about going away in the first place, or just thinking that you were worried against your own better judgement, he decided to head you off before you went off on one. It seems to me like you may be the kind of person who worries a lot about their SO playing away?
Im not accusing you or anything, it happens to us all, particularly if perhaps a previous relationship ended because of this, or because you have had issues trusting him before? Its not a weakness, its always a human need to know that their SO is being faithful even when not under your watchful eye.
Now, looking at this post that you just made here, it seems to me that you going off on one would be the odds-on most likely thing to happen in a scenario like this..... I dont think that anyone would describe your reply I just quoted here as reasonable... more combatative. And why jump directly to that? Why jump directly to paranoia? Perhaps it is your BF's knowledge of you prompted him to head you off before you started...

Drift

I doubt he would've brought up cheating so blatantly if he actually did. It could be that one of his friends cheated and thats what put it in his head.

Carrigart Exile

Didn't we have the other side of this story just before he went away or am I now confusing people's problems. Sorry if I am. OP did you ever read a book called Why Men Tell Lies and Women Cry......basically men are so confused trying to second guess what will upset you they say what they think you want to hear so that you are not upset.....I think this is a classic case

impr0v

I'm afraid I agree with the above. Too much guilt in between the lines.

The_B_Man

ah c'mon! he was jsut tryin to re-assure you! he obviously did miss u and likes u so wanted to reassure you of any nerves you might have (coz he likes ya) about "24 lads goin on a stag" and doing what "24 lads on a stag" do! so sent you an email straight away when he got home so as to relieve any possible tension you may have! simple as that.

if he was guilty of anything, he'd wanna stay away from it as far as possible, not directly mention it in his first email! he wouldnt have long enough to let the guilt build up in a weekend!

faceman

marksuttonie wrote:

really the bottom line is this: Do you trust him?

he may have sent the text knowing your general unhappiness and got the wrong inflexion in it (texts are so impersonal it is easy to read things into them whihc reflect your own mindset).

Or he may have something to hide.

If you trusted him 100% it wouldn't be an issue

yes but this could be down to the OP"s self esteem issues as opposed to reasons for not trusting her other half.

Esel

The poor guy can't win. If he had emailed to say he had been with someone, would you have doubted that too?

chump

Whether he was with someone or not isn't really that important at this stage. Whether he enjoyed it and wants to do it again, is.

My advice, let sleeping dawgs lie. Draw a line in the sand. He who laughs last laughs longest. Keep your chin up.

Good luck

PeakOutput

chump wrote:

Whether he was with someone or not isn't really that important at this stage. Whether he enjoyed it and wants to do it again, is.

My advice, let sleeping dawgs lie. Draw a line in the sand. He who laughs last laughs longest. Keep your chin up.

Good luck

i imagine its important to her and how can she make an informed opinion on weather he will or wont do it again if she dosnt know if anything happened in the first place. he is the only one going to be laughing if he did do the dirt and never gets caught

op you are overreacting