breaking up

funloving

hi eveybody,
sorry for my bad English but i am foreigner.
I currently live in Dublin and my bf is irish.We met 2 years ago on holidays and at the very beginning things were great.
Recently i found out he told me a lot fo lies and i also feel he cheated on me.
After finding out all this i have become really annoying and i know i complain a lot but only coz i feel he is really cold with me, he ignores me when he is with his mates,he treats me with no respect...i can't take all this anymore.
I would love to change the way things are at the moment but everything i do seems to be a failure after sometime...so now the dilemma is...to break up or not?
i love him but id like him to be more passionate about me...how can i achieve that?he knows too well i would never cheat on him or flirt with other boys coz I am a truly passionate and committed italian girl:D

what would you suggest?

humanji

It sounds like you bf is a jerk. From what you say, he doesn't seem to respect you or appreciate you the way he should. And the fact that he lies to you and has cheated on you would lead me to believe that he's no good for you.

You can't change him, so don't try. Sorry to say this, but in my opinion, you should break up.

muppetkiller

He Lies to you , He cheated on you , he makes you feel unwanted when he's with his friends , he disrespects you?
Why on earth do you want to stay with this person ?

Peronally I wouldn't even look at my partner ever again if they cheated.
Say bye bye if you ask me.

Or tell him it's goodbye unless he changes his ways...but once a cheater always a cheater in my books. Best of luck with it...
I think you already know you want to break up with him anyway ..you just need reassurance.

Kell

funloving wrote:

...so now the dilemma is...

There is no dilemma really.

muppetkiller wrote:

He Lies to you , He cheated on you , he makes you feel unwanted when he's with his friends , he disrespects you?
Why on earth do you want to stay with this person ?

What he said with knobs on.

K-

Miss Fluff

funloving wrote:

he is really cold with me, he ignores me when he is with his mates,he treats me with no respect...what would you suggest?

Tell him he is a complete pr1ck and Arrivederci

funloving

i dont know if he cheated on me...i only found out he was member of some websites where you can find dates and so on..i don't know if he met these girls or he only chatted and flirted with them.

I am a very jealous girl and being an only child i always tend to look for al the possible attention in the world..but sometimes he crosses the limits and gets on my nerves.
I hate for instance we don't talk a lot whereas with his friends he could spend 10 hours talking of GAA or about other friends they have in common or things of their childhood..that's normal and i dont complain about this.
I simply don't understand and i can't distinguish what's acceptable or not...
is it normal he doesn't text/ring when he is out with his friends?
is it normal tv is more important that a chat after a hard day spent working??

muppetkiller

mmmm ok so now you don't know if he cheated. You say he was a member of a dating website..is he still ?
Sounds more like you've very little in common more than him being a pric ..k.
Although it still sounds like he's not paying you the attention you need.

And it's not common to just watch TV and not speak. Surely there's some conversation ?

vandermeyde

do you have anything in common at all?

sounds like you aren't suited and both of you are doing the break-up dance; you by complaining to him, he by ignoring you...one of you needs to say stop and call it a day.

Wibbs

funloving wrote:

I currently live in Dublin and my bf is irish.We met 2 years ago on holidays and at the very beginning things were great.

As is always the case in the beginning.

Recently i found out he told me a lot fo lies and i also feel he cheated on me.

The lies are a bad thing for a start. How serious were the lies if you don't mind me asking?

After finding out all this i have become really annoying

NO you're reacting to a bad situation. Trust me, as a bloke I find a woman is only annoying when there is little or no reason to be.

coz i feel he is really cold with me, he ignores me when he is with his mates,he treats me with no respect...

OK that's not good behaviour. In fact is shows little respect for himself if he treats someone he claims to love in such a way.

i can't take all this anymore.

There's your answer. You shouldn't have to.

I would love to change the way things are at the moment but everything i do seems to be a failure after sometime

Funloving the only thing you can change is yourself. You cannot change him no matter what you do. The best you can hope for is to change or reject a part of you. put up with this and hope for a change. It's not going to happen.

...so now the dilemma is...to break up or not?

From what you write it doesn't seem to be much of a dilemma to be honest.

i love him but id like him to be more passionate about me...how can i achieve that?

You can't. As I said you can't make anyone love you the way you want. You can only love yourself and hope to find someone who will love you the same way without you having to try.

he knows too well i would never cheat on him or flirt with other boys coz I am a truly passionate and committed italian girl:D

Basically he is taking you for granted.

i dont know if he cheated on me...i only found out he was member of some websites where you can find dates and so on..i don't know if he met these girls or he only chatted and flirted with them.

Was he a member before you were together? Has he visited these sites since? In any case "only" chatting and flirting with strangers behind your back is a bit dubious anyway.

I am a very jealous girl and being an only child i always tend to look for al the possible attention in the world..but sometimes he crosses the limits and gets on my nerves.

This is a thing you have to work on yourself. You need to be happy by yourself. It may depend on how much attention you need. It's hard to judge this from one side. If he gives you very little attention, then that's not good. If you're never satisfied then that's your problem, not his.

I hate for instance we don't talk a lot whereas with his friends he could spend 10 hours talking of GAA or about other friends they have in common or things of their childhood..that's normal and i dont complain about this.

If that's normal, then why do you "hate" it? In fairness if any partner of mine had any interest in GAA I'd dump them in a heartbeat...:D

is it normal he doesn't text/ring when he is out with his friends?

Personally I would txt or call if I'm seeing someone when she's not there and I'm out with friends. Just to keep in touch. That's just me though.

is it normal tv is more important that a chat after a hard day spent working??

That depends. If by talking you mean you don't let him relax when he comes home and start wanting to talk the second he walks through the door, well then that is really irritating to a man generally. If you mean that he doesn't talk much for the whole evening then that's not good. Not good at all.

If it was me, I would break up with him. He takes you for granted, he doesn't talk and he has lied, possibly cheated on you. They're a bad combination. I would give him a chance to explain himself first before you do decide to break up, but unless there was a major change in attitude I would leave. When you do break up, he will beg and plead that he will change. The chances are that won't happen unless he really applies himself to growing and learning from this. A very important lesson for you is to look at his actions not his words. Too many listen to the words. Bad idea. talk is cheap.

If you don't want to dump him completely then at least suggest a two week break to sort both your heads out.

Miss Fluff

funloving wrote:

I simply don't understand and i can't distinguish what's acceptable or not...
is it normal he doesn't text/ring when he is out with his friends?

Yes if he's arranged to go out with them, no if are stood up and you have made plans with him.

chump

humanji wrote:

It sounds like you bf is a jerk.

score 1 for humanji

Time to move on

funloving

Hi,
I am back.
I found out he was visiting those websites of dates and things like these during the months i was back home in Italy and maybe he can still go on those sites now but with a different nickname..
it was really hurtfull and i felt disappointed by him.
I know a lot of people can think i am an idiot coz it's crystal clear to everybody this guy is not respectfull and maybe all the things he did show he is not in love with me..or maybe not as i am in love with him.
I have always been honest and my consciousness is clear, that's why i have nothing to regret or to feel guilty about.
I just need to make that damned decision to leave him and to start thinking of me in terms of what i am,of what i can do even without him.
I know i have a lot of expectation on people but i don't think that's a mistake coz i know i can get a lot more than what i currently have from him..i'm clever,educated,beautiful and so on...so why should i be happy with the little he gives me?
in my last relationship i made some mistakes and now i know that one of the worst things is to realise of how things could be better if we only thought more of our partner instead of being selfish.

I thank everybody for your advices and i will keep you updated about this mixed relation between this italian girl and this irish guy...
just to let you know....this bad experience with him won't change my opinion of the irish people and of ireland that i love...
maybe it will be difficult at the beginning to come back here,to a place where all the memories i have are linked with him but i will certainly do it in the future...

Wibbs

funloving wrote:

I know a lot of people can think i am an idiot coz it's crystal clear to everybody this guy is not respectfull and maybe all the things he did show he is not in love with me..or maybe not as i am in love with him.
I have always been honest and my consciousness is clear, that's why i have nothing to regret or to feel guilty about.

You shouldn't, love is a two way thing that requires both partners to work at it.

I just need to make that damned decision to leave him and to start thinking of me in terms of what i am,of what i can do even without him.

More to the point, what you can do for yourself with or without someone.

in my last relationship i made some mistakes and now i know that one of the worst things is to realise of how things could be better if we only thought more of our partner instead of being selfish.

Good lesson.

maybe it will be difficult at the beginning to come back here,to a place where all the memories i have are linked with him but i will certainly do it in the future...

Are you working here? If you are I wouldn't be too quick to go home. I would stay for a while and try to make some new memories about Ireland.

TeenageKicks

Funloving, penso lui non e gentile! E meglio per cercare per un nouvo ragazzo!!! Non sei contenta? Vero?

Nevyn

TeenageKicks posting in a language that most of the posters will not understand is not helful and , unhelpful and off-topic posting will get you banned from this forum.
Do take time to read the charter which contains the rules and abide by them.
Have a nice day.
Thaedydal

digitally-yours

As an Italian you should know "do in rome as romans so"

Tell him Adios !

Respect is the first thing you deserve and if he dosent respect you
you better look elsewhere