What did I do wrong?

LegacyUser

Last weekend I went on a 1st date with man I met through a friend, I thought it went well the conversation flowed and we had a laugh, at the end of the night we couldn't get a taxi so we went back to his place as he lives within walking distance of town, I only agreed to go back on the understanding that nothing would happen, when we got ther he tried it on and we did fool around a bit though we didn't have sex. I don't usually go home with a bloke on the first date but we had met through friends and I thought I could trust him, it was the 3rd time I'd met him. I also said I was worried about going back cos he'd expect sex and then never ring me again, he said that was stupid and of course he'd ring.
So he dropped me home on Saturday morn and we said we'd arrange to meet up during the week, by Monday I'd heard nothing from him so I sent a text and he replied around 2 hours later I text him back and nothing, haven't heard from him since.
Its not the 1st time I've been treated like this, my last boyfriend who I was with for 6 months stood me up one weekend, I was actually really worried about him as he wasn't anwering the phone or replying to text messages when I eventually got him 2 days later he said "I was hungover and couldn't be bothered" he meant couldn't be bothered with the relationship!! I just feel like people always treat me with dis-interest I have lots of friends who tell me I'm a lovely person and its just a run of bad luck, but I just don't believe them anymore, I'm 31 and any boyfriend I've ever had has finished with me cos there was no spark or he felt like we've become more like friends, I've never actually broken up with someone over a fight or anything like that. I feel like I'm the type of person who doesn't evoke strong feelings in people noone hates me but noone loves me either.
I've just totally lost all my confidence now, if my date had gone badly I'd understand why he hadn't rung but I genuinely thought we'd had a good time.
I feel so low and depressed now and I just hate myself, I give up on men I really do. Is it my fault or just bad luck? I kinda think if something happens once its bad luck twice might be a coincidene but the same type of thing over and over well it must be me.... I'd really appreciate any feed back you can give as my head is wrecked, thanks.

Firetrap

By the sounds of things, it's a good thing that you didn't have sex with the man you went on a date with last weekend. I'm firmly of the belief that if someone doesn't make contact with you within a reasonable time, they're not interested and shouldn't be chased.

You're either going through a bad streak or you're going for the wrong sort of man. Sadly, once you go into your thirties (and I'm speaking for myself here too btw), your choice of decent men diminishes significantly as a good proportion of the good 'uns are snapped up. There are a lot of wasters out there and you have to kiss a lot of frogs to find a prince. On the positive side, that you're being asked out at all is a good thing. I've several female friends the same age as you who are very nice attractive normal people who've barely had a boyfriend in ages.

Nordie

Its not your fault and as allie e17 said, you have to kiss a lot of frogs before your find your prince, unfortunately you've picked up a few toads along the way. It happens to the best of us so don't dispair and don't give up:)

silverside

if it's not meant to be it's not meant to be

don't waste time on people who are messing, life is too short to waste time on people who don't answer texts/phone calls

keep happy and positive and something will happen when you least expect it ...

good luck

PeakOutput

some people are just arrogant selfish pricks at the end of the day..............there have been low times for me when i really didnt want to see a particular lady again but id never just ignore them and make them feel like ****.....notch it up to experience be thankfull you didnt have sex and move onto the next lucky guy and see what happens

LegacyUser

'Thanks guys, had a good chat with some of my friends last night and they both reckoned that he was just after a shag, and either way whether I did or didn't have sex he still wouldn't have called, oddly enough this makes me feel slightly better about it as its him who has the problem not me. I do find it hard to believe a man in his 30's would lie like that just to get sex but maybe I'm just being naive, I've definitely learned from this experience and will look after myself better next time. I really appreciate your replies thanks again:)'

Kell

dateless wrote:

I do find it hard to believe a man in his 30's would lie like that just to get sex but maybe I'm just being naive, I've definitely learned from this experience and will look after myself better next time.

Men, at any age, will tell you anything to get their legover. I hate twats like that who just go round giving the rest of us a bad name.

K-

John Mason

dateless wrote:

'. I do find it hard to believe a man in his 30's would lie like that just to get sex but maybe I'm just being naive, I've definitely learned from this experience and will look after myself better next time. I really appreciate your replies thanks again:)'

LOL a man in thirties is single for a reason, probably cos some "bitch" hurt and now he doesnt do commit or cos they have got selfish from being on their own. unfortunately, you are jsut to have to learn to deal with. in my 30's and single myself. at stage in you life you either have to a accept a rubbish man or just on with your life and be happy for you and dont worry about men

aidan_walsh

irishbird wrote:

a man in thirties is single for a reason, probably cos some "bitch" hurt and now he doesnt do commit or cos they have got selfish from being on their own. ... in my 30's and single myself.

Oh? So which was it for you then? Or are women so terribly different in this respect?

irishbird wrote:

at stage in you life you either have to a accept a rubbish man or just on with your life and be happy for you and dont worry about men

Bullcrap. There never comes a point in a persons life where they should decide to settle for anything less than being happy with someone they love.

chump

irishbird wrote:

LOL a man in thirties is single for a reason, probably cos some "bitch" hurt and now he doesnt do commit or cos they have got selfish from being on their own. unfortunately, you are jsut to have to learn to deal with. in my 30's and single myself. at stage in you life you either have to a accept a rubbish man or just on with your life and be happy for you and dont worry about men

only the dud men are still single in their thirties then eh?

DeepBlue

dateless wrote:

Is it my fault or just bad luck? I kinda think if something happens once its bad luck twice might be a coincidene but the same type of thing over and over well it must be me.... I'd really appreciate any feed back you can give as my head is wrecked, thanks.

Tbh you haven't given enough information to elicit any useful advice.
You'll get a lot of people posting things like "you're so much better than him" or "men are only interested in one thing" etc but none of that is going to help you get anywhere.

How did your previous relationships progress? How long did they last for? How deep were they? How did you select who to date?
If you gave some of that sort of information then you might get some more focused, helpful replies.

Your friends are going to tell you whatever makes you feel better - it might not necessarily be helpful or the truth.

Kell

irishbird wrote:

LOL a man in thirties is single for a reason, probably cos some "bitch" hurt and now he doesnt do commit or cos they have got selfish from being on their own.

Have you cosidered that females are pretty much the same or worse or have some deep rooted personal issue they carry around on their shoulder like a hod? Or quite simply, that some of us have given up because we cant be ársed with the effort?

K-

Marksie

irishbird wrote:

LOL a man in thirties is single for a reason, probably cos some "bitch" hurt and now he doesnt do commit or cos they have got selfish from being on their own.

Nope, there are many reasons and it goes both ways, with bitterness thrown in frequently.

irishbird wrote:

unfortunately, you are jsut to have to learn to deal with.

Again no, that is negative thinking and totally untrue. If you go into something wiuth that attitude that is what will happen.

irishbird wrote:

at stage in you life you either have to a accept a rubbish man or just on with your life and be happy for you and dont worry about men

Better to be happy in and of yourself first.
Again, going in with the i will accept third or fourth best and that is exactly what you will get.
If you go in, using your previous experience as a guage, but accepting someone as who they are, then you will find things are totally different.

OP: There are many men out there who have a more mature attitude than that. You are just smarting over this. Take stock and think about what you really want. Don't commence a date with the expectation that this will always happen, just enjoy iut and see what develops from there

r3nu4l

Hi dateless, sounds to me like you are better off without that guy If he really was just after a shag then it's a good thing he didn't get it! Good on you for holding out, it shows that your self esteem isn't as low as you think it is!

I've a friend who spent a while giving it up on first dates in the hope that the guys would stick around afterwards. She soon copped on. She was 29 at the time, (32 now) she met a guy late last year and they're going strong at the moment.

As for a guy in his 30's just wanting sex, I think that there's nothing wrong with that so long as they are upfront about it. When they lie about it, it's just deceitful and wrong imo.

Miss Fluff

dateless wrote:

So he dropped me home on Saturday morn and we said we'd arrange to meet up during the week, by Monday I'd heard nothing from him so I sent a text and he replied around 2 hours later I text him back and nothing, haven't heard from him since.

He said he'd ring, probably should have given him the chance to. I'd also be concerned about the fact that you come accross as so desperate in your post. Dating and meeting plonkers along the way is good story material to laugh with your mates over a glass of wine. Yes, your feelings will get hurt and ego bruised but you are only 31, go and kiss the frogs and have fun along the way. What is meant for you won't pass you by so you should try and enjoy this time as much as possible. So he didn't call you? Move on and put his name in the d1ckhead pile.

John Mason

men/women are in single in their thirties for a reason full stop. why would you want to spend the 10/20 years, thinking that every date you go on "this is the one". personally, i would rather enjoy my life then sitting by the phone wondering is "is he/she going to call", "oh, what did i do wrong" - it is all crap. you need to forget it all and just enjoy your life and stop worrying about the opposite sex - simple, you will have a much happier and enjoyable life and then if someone comes along its a bonus, if not.............so what you dont need another person in your life to make you happy, the only person who can make you happy is you

LegacyUser

What has age to do with anything????

You can apply all the stereotypes to both sexes and to people of all ages !!!!! It seems like you met someone who was happy to have a fling with you but didnt want it to go any further - hardly the crime of the century.... I must admit it is annoying when they havent the balls just to say 'goodnight' without having to add 'Ill call you' to make them seem like a nice guy even when they know they wont.

Dont let it make you bitter. Im sure there are plenty of decent men out there in their 20's, 30's and 40's and just keep one eye open for the chancers.

spinandscribble

just a tip...unless a guy/girls a very trusted well known friend of your mate dont assume they're nice or well suited to you. for example i knew a guy who's mates (girls and guys) think is a nice guy just gets a bad rep, then i dated him and found out he's a complete dog who wanted nothing but sex and said the only reason his friends who are girls like him is because he doesnt view them as female since he doesnt fancy them and its just his way to treat women like crap lol.

op i know its corny but its true you have to love yourself before anyone else can. you seem to have low selfesteen and thats never attractive. its generally those who are confident have everyone going crazy over them it seems.

please oh please dont get into this thinking that your cursed. you'll end up getting paranoid.

maybe try things where you'll meet ppl who want a relationship not just a shag since thats not what you want. dating services and the like. join up with a single friend and have a laugh with it. who knows?

Kell

spinandscribble wrote:

you seem to have low selfesteen and thats never attractive. its generally those who are confident have everyone going crazy over them it seems.

I didnt spot that at all and I am usually the first. The OP pointed out at the end of her post that if it were once or twice she wouldnt mind, but the fact that it seems to happen all the time bothers her. Not surprising. I am bothered that the majority of people I meet in pubs/clubs or ask out on a date have nothing to say for themselves and are quite dull. Do I have low esteem?

K-

ELLIEJ

Kell wrote:

I am bothered that the majority of people I meet in pubs/clubs or ask out on a date have nothing to say for themselves and are quite dull. Do I have low esteem?

K-

I totally agree - people these days are so yawn Like SO yawn roysh?!

I am not taking the P Kell - women are the worst. I much prefer listening to mens conversations even if they are about beer bellies and footie - much better than GHD's and eyeshadow.....

Kell

ELLIEJ wrote:

I much prefer listening to mens conversations even if they are about beer bellies and footie - much better than GHD's and eyeshadow.....

Not even as much as that- few people do anything bar work and drink. Bah. Such a conversation deadener-

Me- "So what do you do when you're not working, like hobbies etc".

Her- "em......"

Me (in my head) "next".

K-