Jealous girlfriend thread in PI

daveg

I'm sorry but I have to question the modding on this thread. Genuine poster asks for advice about her jealousy issues to which Anti posts "You have serious issues. Get your head examined. Seriously...". However Thaedydal feels that "(Anti's post) may seem harsh it is a fair comment and may be helpful to the op unlike the two post directly after."

I'm sorry but how the hell is that helpful? I've seen others hit with the banning stick for a lot less.

sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind.

TerrorFirmer

I don't that that's really applicable. I mean sure she has jealously issues but they seem fairly normal to me - although it might vary from person to person most people have experienced feelings that they know are irrational. 'Get your Head examined' isn't advice or even any sort of vague medical recommendation, it's an insult. He might as well have said 'Your an idiot'. I don't see much difference.

edit: In my opinion, of course.

Shiva

Tristrame wrote:

sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind.

Maybe so, but that line of reasoning doesn't appear to have been used in the past when other posters come out with crap like that. I think the issue here is that it would appear that because Anti is a moderator in another forum(s), he was given special treatment. NOTE - I say "appear" - I'm not saying that Thaedydal is practising favoritism, but it does look very, very suspicious when another mod makes the kind of post that would almost definitely see a regular user being warned, and nothing happens.

In fact, from my lurking and occasional posting on the forum, I would say Thaedydal is a particularly fair and unbiased moderator. Whatever has happened here seems to be a bad judgement call, and I would urge him/her to rectify it ASAP.

There have now been a couple of bannings and warnings when people have questioned the post and the lack of response to it, but the original post remains unsanctioned.

The original post by Anti was rude, ignorant and unhelpful - banning and threatening anyone who comments on that is not going to make it otherwise.


EDIT - I'm not saying they posters commenting on the post shouldn't have been warned, or banned - action should have been taken - the report post button and the feedback forum are there for a reason. But the point remains that the original post should be sanctioned.

6th

Anti was spot on though he could have said it better. She gets jealous when he even sees female members of his family ... there is something up there.

Too many people were commenting on Anti's post and not the actual topic. Thaedyal gave a warning that off topic posting would result in a ban.

All seems in order.

HelterSkelter

I think Anti's comment was very unhelpful and I feel he would have been banned or at least warned if he (she?) was not a mod. Instead Thaedydal said it was a fair comment and may be helpful to the original poster. Sorry, but how the hell can telling someone to get their head examined be considered helpful??? The modding on this thread has been a complete farce with some people being banned for commenting on Anti's post. I have been banned for my post here: http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showpost.php?p=53222357&postcount=18

rediguana

I'm also banned from this thread. It's a nonsense.

Being cruel to be kind? Why didn't I just post "Stop being a stupid bitch" to the OP and maybe I'd still be able to post...

Evil Phil

daveg wrote:

I'm sorry but I have to question the modding on this thread. Genuine poster asks for advice about her jealousy issues to which Anti posts "You have serious issues. Get your head examined. Seriously...". However Thaedydal feels that "(Anti's post) may seem harsh it is a fair comment and may be helpful to the op unlike the two post directly after."

I'm sorry but how the hell is that helpful? I've seen others hit with the banning stick for a lot less.

Yep, I can understand whey Thaed banned people for being of topic but I do think a mod should have stepped in regarding Anti's post. I fail to see how 'Get your head examined. Seriously ...' is helpful.

seastar

I also cannot understand how Anti's post is fair - to me it appears condescending and insulting. I would have thought people get warnings for demeaning the worries of others

rediguana

6th wrote:

Anti was spot on though he could have said it better. She gets jealous when he even sees female members of his family ... there is something up there.

Too many people were commenting on Anti's post and not the actual topic. Thaedyal gave a warning that off topic posting would result in a ban.

All seems in order.

It really depends on how slavishly you define "Off Topic". I was banned for commenting on an on-topic post. Is it really so unrelated to the OP? I'm sure the OP would be interested and gratified to discover that there is strong disagreement with this Anti bloke. She mightn't agree that it's off-topic.

6th

HelterSkelter wrote:

I have been banned for my post here: http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showpost.php?p=53222357&postcount=18

Did you see the warning from Thaedydal about not making further off topic comments?

John Mason

i have to agree with Anti's post, the girls has serious mental issues and should go and see a shrink i.e. get her head examined!!!!

rediguana

6th wrote:

Did you see the warning from Thaedydal about not making further off topic comments?

I'm quite sure he did. Why don't you look at the big picture instead of being so pedantic?

rediguana

irishbird wrote:

i have to agree with Anti's post, the girls has serious mental issues and should go and see a shrink i.e. get her head examined!!!!

YOU have serious mental health issues

TheHost

Thaedydal is over the top. He's banning anyone who dares to criticise the original insult to the OP.

I made one comment that was critical of the insult; if the insult was on topic so was my reply.

I made a further wholly constructive query of the OP to examine her issue.

Now I'm banned for all this? Boards.ie is too high and mighty sometimes. Since I got banned at least one other is gone.

Are we playing last one standing, Mr Thaedydal?

HelterSkelter

6th wrote:

Did you see the warning from Thaedydal about not making further off topic comments?

Anti's "comment" was on topic and my comment was on what he said. In any case I am not complaining about being banned, I couldn't care less, I am complaining about Anti making a comment and not only getting away with it, but being backed up by a mod who would at least warn if not ban anyone else who said the same thing.

dulpit

looks to me like its 1 rule for mods, 1 for everyone else... TBH what Anti said looks(to me anyway) insulting and not helpful, when people questioned this statement they got a ban for their troubles... I think that Thaedydal needs to admit that if the original "get your head checked" comment had come from say Joe Bloggs with a few posts, would have been reprimanded... But because Anti is a mod, its ok...

Shiva

6th wrote:

Did you see the warning from Thaedydal about not making further off topic comments?

And anyone who disregarded that was, I agree, rightfully censured.

The point is though...the original post from Anti was condescending and rude.
Reading the PI charter, we see the following -

"Any advice given should be mature, constructive and non-abusive. Opinions are welcome. Ridicule and nastiness are not."

We're not debating the OP's issue here, in Feedback...we're talking about the moderation. Yes, the OP has a problem, possibly a serious one, and it should be addressed. It may even need the help of a professional. But telling her to get her head examined is not the "mature, constructive and non-abusive" way to suggest she seek help.

r3nu4l

Okay here's my take.

1. Anti's comment
It could and should have been put with more thought and less aggressive language. The "cruel to be kind" attitude just doesn't cut it imo. I felt that a comment like that in the PI forum should merit a word from the mod to say that the advice should have been phrased differently (and with more substance!) but not a ban. If the mod had chastised Anti as well as the two responding posters then this thread wouldn't be here. I could be wrong but I think that Anti's contribution to that thread was a bit of mild, flippant trolling. If not trolling it was certainly a flippant reply with no effort made at providing any substance or explanation as to why the OP needs her 'head examined". It was unhelpful posting, Anti, do take time to read the charter...have a nice day

2. rediguanas ban
Thaed had made it clear that anymore useless comments from the previous two posters would get a ban. Common sense would dictate that everyone else should be aware of that but I can see that Thaed didn't state clearly that anyone else posting non-constructive comments to the OP would be banned.

Also, I know myself that sometimes I open a reply window but between one thing and another here at work I might not actually type and submit my reply for up to 15 minutes. Perhaps rediguana hadn't seen Thaeds posts and just hit the submit button!

The ban is unfortunate for rediguana but not wrong imo, anything longer than 1 week would be seriously out of line.

EDIT: I agree totally with Shiva's point and citing of the charter here. Nice one

Nevyn

There is no bias what so ever with reguards to wheter Anti is one of the 300 mods on the site here.
Mods have no privilage out side of the forums they mod.

I think the op is by her own description suffer panic or anxiety attacks over this issue which she has stated is irrational and not normal emotional jealousy to the extent it makes her feel physically sick.

She should see her dr and look to getting help be it emotional counselling or to see someone to change her thinking i.e. a physiologist, or a physiatrist to deal with the real issue behind the irrational extreme jealousy and it causing physical effects on her.

I.e. go her head examined or on 50s vernacular have it shrunk.

It is a valid piece of advice even it was put bluntly bit some times saying something bluntly is what is required we do not mollycoddle posters.

I did warn Anti and told him to have some more tact in his replies.

biko

6th wrote:

Anti was spot on though he could have said it better. She gets jealous when he even sees female members of his family ... there is something up there.

Too many people were commenting on Anti's post and not the actual topic. Thaedyal gave a warning that off topic posting would result in a ban.

All seems in order.

Anti's post was stupid and unnecessary, "get your head examined. Seriously." I'm surprised PI mods were ok with it. Are you saying jealousy is a mental illness and needs medical treatment? Anti, indeed.

Kell's on the other hand was constructive and gave a possible cause of the root of the problem, insecurity. Often good advice from this lad.

seastar

'get your head examined' is in common usage in the English language as an insult, not as a helpful piece of advice for someone who obviously does need to talk to someone

rediguana

I don't mind the ban, per se. I'd read her warning and I expected a ban. What's right is right though. I think Thaeydal probably didn't realise the thing would snowball.

In the grand scheme of things, a mild rebuke for Anti would've diffused subsequent griping from everyone.

But now there's a situation where the one person who was genuinely unhelpful and even nasty ISN'T banned but three others who drew attention to it are.

Rules aren't the be all and end all.

6th

rediguana wrote:

I'm quite sure he did. Why don't you look at the big picture instead of being so pedantic?

The is no "Big Picture", no great conspiracey. People were warned and banned. Did anyone report Anti's post or did they just comment on it?

Anti

Oh well look at me and my own thread in feedback.....

Laaa de daaaa ect ect.

Yeah, i suppose im sorry about that post. But what i said was true, She seems like a bloody nutjob. Yes i could have put it better in a nice long post and added cute fulffy kittens. But FFS Do you want me to start picking apart her post just to show shes a fecking loony? Coz i will... Im mad like that me.

@helterskelter . I have been warned by Thead, but not in the normal fassion.

@thehost. Thead is not a He....

Evil Phil wrote:

Yep, I can understand whey Thaed banned people for being of topic but I do think a mod should have stepped in regarding Anti's post. I fail to see how 'Get your head examined. Seriously ...' is helpful.

What part are you not seeing as helpfull horse? That fact that she needs help...like omg seriously.

HelterSkelter

Thaedydal wrote:

I did warn Anti and told him to have some more tact in his replies.

Why didn't you warn him on the thread, or state that you had warned him? It would have saved all this crap. And why did you warn him if you thought his comment was ok?

hullaballoo

Have none of you ever heard of context?

If you're so keen to stick to the letter of the law, it will come back and bite you at some stage.

rediguana

Anti wrote:

Oh well look at me and my own thread in feedback.....

Laaa de daaaa ect ect.

Yeah, i suppose im sorry about that post. But what i said was true, She seems like a bloody nutjob. Yes i could have put it better in a nice long post and added cute fulffy kittens. But FFS Do you want me to start picking apart her post just to show shes a fecking loony? Coz i will... Im mad like that me.

@helterskelter . I have been warned by Thead, but not in the normal fassion.

@thehost. Thead is not a He....



What part are you not seeing as helpfull horse? That fact that she needs help...like omg seriously.

The issue is people being banned. It's not your post per se. You can stop blowing yourself now.

Nevyn

6th wrote:

The is no "Big Picture", no great conspiracey. People were warned and banned. Did anyone report Anti's post or did they just comment on it?

Not one single report on Anti's post until I gave a wrning n the thread and then had to start banning people.

The first report on that post was Today 10:11 by Willymuncher after rediguna's ban.

seastar

Anti wrote:

She seems like a bloody nutjob. Yes i could have put it better in a nice long post and added cute fulffy kittens. But FFS Do you want me to start picking apart her post just to show shes a fecking loony? QUOTE]

again, condescending and insulting

r3nu4l

Sorry Thaed, while I can accept that you have no bias towards Anti I cannot accept your justification. I know you will stand by your decision but I think your reasoning is entirely wrong.

Not mollycoddling posters is fine but Anti's comment was still very wrong. What would be wrong with saying "I think you should go to your GP and talk to him about this"?

The "Get your head examined" phraseology is more than just a vernacular way of saying "go to a counsellor" it implies that the OP is "crazy", "nutjob", "psycho" and other vernaculars too!

However, you are the mod and your decision stands, I'm not trying to change your mind, just stating how I feel about it.

Nevyn

rediguana wrote:

The issue is people being banned. It's not your post per se. You can stop blowing yourself now.

Actually the issue the thread was started about was not the banning of people but Anti's post.

Now you want to contest your ban or the banning in that thread start a new thead in feedback.

HelterSkelter

Anti wrote:

Oh well look at me and my own thread in feedback.....

Laaa de daaaa ect ect.

Yeah, i suppose im sorry about that post. But what i said was true, She seems like a bloody nutjob. Yes i could have put it better in a nice long post and added cute fulffy kittens. But FFS Do you want me to start picking apart her post just to show shes a fecking loony? Coz i will... Im mad like that me.

What part are you not seeing as helpfull horse? That fact that she needs help...like omg seriously.

FFS, people don't need to go see a shrink for every crazy thought or thing they do. If that was the case most of us would be in councelling. Some helpful advice from posters with experience of this issue advising her how to deal with her jealousy is all that was needed. If you had no helpful advice you shouldn't have bothered replying.

Nevyn

seastar wrote:

Anti wrote:

She seems like a bloody nutjob. Yes i could have put it better in a nice long post and added cute fulffy kittens. But FFS Do you want me to start picking apart her post just to show shes a fecking loony? QUOTE]

again, condescending and insulting

This is not the Personal Issues forum and No one here is bound by the code of conduct for the Personal Issue forum while posting here.

HelterSkelter

HelterSkelter wrote:

Why didn't you warn him on the thread, or state that you had warned him? It would have saved all this crap. And why did you warn him if you thought his comment was ok?

What crap?
Anti was being kind in a non vindictive but cruel way.
Just because he hammered home the point he made doesnt mean he's advocating hitting the op on the head with a hammer...
Ananolgies are common acceptable parlance in this context.
Expletetives/direct insults are not.

Good call by Thaed tbh.

rediguana

Thaedydal wrote:

Actually the issue the thread was started about was not the banning of people but Anti's post.

Now you want to contest your ban or the banning in that thread start a new thead in feedback.

I don't want to contest anything, I told you the ban suited me

The spirit of the law is sacrificed to the letter of it. I don't think anyone can deny this.

With advice like Anti's, who needs abuse?

r3nu4l

6th wrote:

The is no "Big Picture", no great conspiracey. People were warned and banned. Did anyone report Anti's post or did they just comment on it?

Plenty of reports but I see Thaed has already explained that

seastar

I quoted it as I feel it shows the sentiment behind 'get your head examined' was not a nice one to go get help, rather that she is a 'nutjob'!

HelterSkelter

Tristrame wrote:

Good call by Thaed tbh.

Funny how the only people who agree with Thaedydal are mods.

HelterSkelter

rediguana wrote:

I don't want to contest anything, I told you the ban suited me

The spirit of the law is sacrificed to the letter of it. I don't think anyone can deny this.

With advice like Anti's, who needs abuse?

When my ban is lifted in one weeks time, at least I know I can tell all the nutjobs to get their head examined without fear of a ban :-)

Pighead

HelterSkelter wrote:

Funny how the only people who agree with Thaedydal are mods.

Mods are cleverer than normal users you fool. Of course we're gonna agree with common sense. Pighead thinks the real issue here is that you want to be a mod.

r3nu4l

HelterSkelter wrote:

Funny how the only people who agree with Thaedydal are mods.

Yet some mods disagree! Me! When are people going to realise that there is no mod conspiracy :rolleyes:

I feel that if Anti was warned by PM (as he implies) then Thaed cannot stand up here and keep defending her actions and saying it didn't justify a warning.

Thaedydal, can you clear this one up please? Major contradiction here.

If he was warned, then a warning on thread would have been a far better idea seeing as how everyone else gets warned on thread with the usual "Unhelpfuland off-topic...blah, blah" message.

Anti

Shiva wrote:

And anyone who disregarded that was, I agree, rightfully censured.

The point is though...the original post from Anti was condescending and rude.
Reading the PI charter, we see the following -

"Any advice given should be mature, constructive and non-abusive. Opinions are welcome. Ridicule and nastiness are not."

We're not debating the OP's issue here, in Feedback...we're talking about the moderation. Yes, the OP has a problem, possibly a serious one, and it should be addressed. It may even need the help of a professional. But telling her to get her head examined is not the "mature, constructive and non-abusive" way to suggest she seek help.

Whoa there now bosco, hold your horses...

I was not "abusive" if i called her her a **** it would have been.
I did not "ridicule" her. If i added Hahahaha ya fecking eejit ya, at the end of my post it would have been.
I was not "nasty" i was just straight to the point

HelterSkelter

HelterSkelter wrote:

Funny how the only people who agree with Thaedydal are mods.

maybe we have a bit of experience.

seastar

Many many people on here feel you were nasty and that you did ridicule her

hullaballoo

HelterSkelter wrote:

Funny how the only people who agree with Thaedydal are mods.

And what does that tell you?

There are two likely responses: (i) There's a moderator conspiracy against all 'regular posters'. Or, (ii) the moderators recognise this sort of judgement call from their own, previous decisions on the likes of this.

Edit: touché, Trist.

scojones

Who let all the cry babies out today? Come on lads, it's Friday!

Anti could have had some tact, sure, but you see he's Welsh. Infact, questioning his non-tactfulness is actually an insult to Welsh people and I find it highly offensive, me.

The OP of that thread has serious isssues.


and Anti's comment was a helpful one IMO.

As the old Welsh saying goes:
Three things it is best to avoid: a strange dog, a flood, and a man who thinks he is wise.

HelterSkelter

Tristrame wrote:

maybe we have a bit of experience.

Experience of what? I have experience of real life and Anti's comment was out of line, as many others agree. With 10,000+ posts perhaps Thaedydal is spending too much time on front of a computer screen and is out of touch with people's feelings.

seastar

hullaball&#250 wrote:

And what does that tell you?

There are two likely responses: (i) There's a moderator conspiracy against all 'regular posters'. Or, (ii) the moderators recognise this sort of judgement call from their own, previous decisions on the likes of this.

Edit: touché, Trist.

Option (iii) Other mods recognise that they all makes mistakes while moderating and are backing up one of their own

r3nu4l

r3nu4l wrote:

I feel that if Anti was warned by PM (as he implies) then Thaed cannot stand up here and keep defending her actions and saying it didn't justify a warning.

In fairness, a mod can warn in thread,in pm or just ban, it's their perogative.They can use all three in the one thread on different users.
They don't have to announce to the rest of the users that their first modding action was via pm.

6th

HelterSkelter wrote:

Why didn't you warn him on the thread, or state that you had warned him? It would have saved all this crap. And why did you warn him if you thought his comment was ok?

A public flogging perhaps?

Seriously I've been warned via pm a couple of times (actually more than a couple).

If people have a problem with a post report it or shut the fúck up.