Don Quixote Modern

will_me

To the armoury. Fulgent moon-envied shield
Breastplate courage-wrought to endure
Any titanic mauler. On the helmet
Gold leaved greave matched.

On the gauntlets clasped sheathed
To the side sword straight fresh forged;
Hardened, honed, in fire so hot-
Hell is cool.

Mounted gallop-driven deliverance, towered.
Each world-turn the dreaded flew that
Lofty fulguration descended fisted, righteous-
The quixotic dared hope.

Clocked at nine, punctual. The DOW had risen
OPEC undecided, B.- indicated there would be no more
war for certain, but unemployment would fall
Statistics had shown.

Asthma increasing Cancer unmoving AIDS
decreasing, good news, Scientists declare
God is dead or does not exist. The world is safe-
The world is cold.

Wrap up your alliteration tidy and tight.

shiv

I swear this is not tit-for-tat commentary I'm about to write

Anyway, will_me, while impressive in your word choices, I found this poem to be pretty inacessible. I do like what you've done with your punctuation and short sentences, though.

Overall I just think there's too many ten-cent words competing with each other. The reader almost has to stop after every metaphor to digest it before moving on, which I believe interrupts a poem's natural flow.

Good alliteration in the second stanza.

The last two stanzas are more readable and compelling for me, perhaps because they're more modern-tinged. They almost seem like two different poems though. The last line is by far the strongest. I'm jealous of it myself

will_me

Thanks for that shiv. It's a pity, i'd hoped the poem wasn't so obscure, which it might appear to be judging from the response, one to none:)
My ten cent words (fulgent,quixotic,fulguration i guess) were carefully considered so i would be inclined to leave them in, i feel they're justified. They weren't a display. Though privately i have made a few adjustments with an ear to some of your other comments which might make the poem more transparent.
That it almost sounds like two poems pasted together,well, that's part of the point i'm making i guess.

I didn't take your criticism as tit-for-tat by the way

Look forward to el shiv's next post

shiv

De rien. My pleasure

Hey, don't be disheartened by the minimalist feedback. You can always comfort yourself with the notion that perhaps people found it too brilliant and were so overawed by it they simply could not respond to it :P

I think some transparency tweaking would serve you well with this one will_me...

Glad you took my comments in the spirit they were meant