flatmates

eurotrotter

hey guys
hope yer all well
im having serious difficulty with a few flatmtes
just moved over to the states for 6 months for work placement
i was friendly enough witht the guys im living with before i came over
but it seems we hav been grinding off each other since we arrived, and they are now all against me, they dont talk to me, greet me, nothing lik ethat, they only speak to me when i initiate conversation. its getting quite uncomfortable, it feels like they almost gang up on me in certain situations. i used to be the comedian them before i left, but i i almost feel intimated by them but since i have to spend 6 months with these 3 people, i need to be careful about what I say or do. I already confronted one of them about the way he is treatng me, but he denied any ill treatment, however there was one other person present when i did this. To be honest,I have other friends in the houses around where i live, but for an easy life, I'd like to live int he house in peace, without this discomfort.
thanks for your time
would really appreciate some advice
thanks

you "dominated" them and now that they're doing the same to you, you only see a problem now

just get different flatmates and hope they're "weaker" than you so you can continue "dominating" people :rolleyes:

Marksie

eurotrotter wrote:

i used to dominate them before i left,

they are definitely weaker characters than i am.

Thats called bullying in any other language.
Now you are not getting your own way you are upset about it. Learn the lesson, doesnt feel nice does it?

eurotrotter wrote:

To be honest, I want to terminate all contact with these people once i return.

Leave, best for all.

eurotrotter wrote:

I have other friends in the houses around where i live, but for an easy life, I'd like to live int he house in peace, without this discomfort.

Are they weaker characters too? If so you might find it an uncomfortable 6 months

tbh

eurotrotter wrote:

hey guys
hope yer all well
im having serious difficulty with a few flatmtes
just moved over to the states for 6 months for work placement
i was friendly enough witht the guys im living with before i came over
but it seems we hav been grinding off each other since we arrived, and they are now all against me, they dont talk to me, greet me, nothing lik ethat, they only speak to me when i initiate conversation. its getting quite uncomfortable, it feels like they almost gang up on me in certain situations. i used to dominate them before i left, but i i almost feel intimated by them, even though, they are definitely weaker characters than i am. but since i have to spend 6 months with these 3 people, i need to be careful about what I say or do. I already confrtonted one of them about the way he is treatng me, but he denied any ill treatment, however there was one other person present when i did this. To be honest, I want to terminate all contact with these people once i return. I have other friends in the houses around where i live, but for an easy life, I'd like to live int he house in peace, without this discomfort.
thanks for your time
would really appreciate some advice
thanks

to be honest, I think the best thing you can do is sit them all down and confront them in as pleasent a way as possible. like "look lads, whatever the reason, we need to get this sorted - if you'd rather I kept out of your way, just let me know" - you have to be seen as wanting to resolve the situation rather than trying to justify your behaviour or laying blame at someones door. I reckon if you do that one of three things will happen:

1. They all say nothings been going wrong, but will realise that you don't appreciate the way they've been treating you and will make an effort to change - possible result

2. They all tell you why they are so pissed off with you and you can resolve the issue one way or another - possible result

3. they explain everything that's been going on and you realise you were over-reacting - possible result.

the one bit of solid advice I'd give you is don't let this fester. You'll be going through argument scenarios in your head, as will they until one day the whole thing explodes. Better to nip it in the bud.


edit: oh yeah, forgot to say - I don't normally really like people who say "I'm a stronger person than.." etc. - as bluewolf mentions, maybe you are dominating them (or have done) and this is them ganging up against you?

Beruthiel

eurotrotter wrote:

i used to dominate them before i left, but i i almost feel intimated by them, even though, they are definitely weaker characters than i am.

Perhaps they've had enough of this attitude and have decided they don't need to take it anymore.

Miss Fluff

eurotrotter wrote:

i used to dominate them before i left, but i i almost feel intimated by them, even though, they are definitely weaker characters than i am.

So they've finally stood up to the bullying and domination? Good on them, travelling and a bit of independence does wonders for strength of character and they have finally seen the light.

If you're prepared to see these people as your equal rather than "weaker" than you, you can probably make a go of living together in harmony. If you continue to view them with such disdain I'd advise finding other people you can "dominate" or people who aren't "weaker" :rolleyes:

astraboy

Maybe he did'nt mean to say he "dominated them" in the way ye picked it up.

@eurotrotter: I've lived in a load of houses throughout college. I was also in the states last year on work placement for 6 months in Boston(I'm guessing your there too right!?) and lived with 3 other lads from my class. Luckily we got on great. However I have had minor issues and trouble with various flatmate's over the years. Small, minor things that don't bother a person when you are friends can become a very big deal when ye are living under the same roof and issues like noise or tidying up for example can become things which escalate over 6 months.

Your best bet is to go to each of them individually when they are on their own. Just say, listen mate we were good friends back home, I've noticed a bit of bother recently between the rest of ye and me, whats the story? Let each of them give you their side, it may be some minor issues, or it could be something major. It would be a pity to sacrifice good freindships over some minor issues that could be easily cleared up. Living with 3 other people does mean there has to be give and take from everyone. If its a major issue on the other hand, at least you will know and everything will be out in the open. Either way the best thing to do is to talk to them.

eurotrotter

thanks for al the replies ppl
i didnt mean dominate in the way, yer thinking, was a bad choice of words, i meant more i was less inteh background than i am among them now, thats all.
im not the best with words as ye can see
so thanks for the help ppl.
think i will run with astraboy's advice, cos i think it wood suit the situation better.
thanks again,really appreciate it

astraboy

No bother man keep us posted!

Mighty_Mouse

i used to dominate them before i left, but i i almost feel intimated by them, even though, they are definitely weaker characters than i am.

Do you think there is any possible reason that your flatmates think you're a ________?

eurotrotter

astraboy wrote:

No bother man keep us posted!

iv done wat u said and it seems to be helping a lot actually, so thanks for that. i phrased it all wrong, my head is in such a mess over it though, i dunno whether im comng or going! anyway thanks for the advice.

merritt

Glad it's getting cleared up.

Just a note, it's probably not a good idea to edit the original post substantially after you get a reply - it's confusing for readers who come along. If you feel you've not expressed yourself properly at the outset, maybe just put a note underneath the original post.

Good luck!

Cancer-chick

Thanks for pointing that out there Merritt !!

..Thought id had too many cheeky vimtos !!!