meh.......

LegacyUser

Small bit of a rant.

I feel ‘meh’

I don’t know where to begin…….
I guess I’m feeling a little low, but I’ve no reason to. I suppose I’m probably a little depressed, but I don’t think it’s serious enough to see a doc about, & I certainly have NO intention in taking any medication for it.

I’ve a well paid, well looked upon job. I don’t dislike it, I don’t really have any feeling towards or against it. I’m well liked & well respected & well treated by my boss. It’s an isolated role though, which I’m happy about most of the time. However, lunches are spent alone, as are all breaks. Most people only think about me when they need my help. While the people are very nice, I couldn’t say any of them are my ‘friends’, which can be a bit lonely, sometimes.

My home life isn’t much better. I come from a large family, but most have moved out now while I’m still at home, with a sibling I detest (sorry it’s such a strong word)
Apart from that, we’re a happy family, had a happy childhood, good relationship with parents etc, but I come, get something to eat, & spend the rest of my evening in my room, on my own reading or watching TV.
I have no interest in socialising with them, mostly cos they’re glued to tv programs that I’ve no interest in anyway, & so don’t want a conversation.
Again, I choose to go to my room, & given the choice this eve, I’ll do the same again. But again, it can be lonely.

I’ve lots of people I could call friends, or people who’s company I can enjoy, but if I were to sit back on a Sat night & think of all the people who are thinking about contacting me to go out that night, there’d be none.
There’s only really 2 friends who I could occasionally go out with, but if I do, it’s because I’ve contacted them & invited myself out with them.
See a common theme:- lonely.

I’ve a bf. He’s wonderful. He has a busy life, I’m prob a bit envious of that. I see him for a couple of hours mid week & most times on a Fri night. Normally then on Sat night & most of Sun. Apart from that, I’m sitting around looking for something to do to fill in the time till I see him again.

What have I done to improve things?
Took up sports last year to kill some of the time, give me some much needed exercise, get me out of my bedroom & to reacquaint myself with old faces.
It’s worked. Twice a week, & sometimes 3 times, I go to training & games.
I love it, but again, I find myself alone, everyone else automatically forms groups & I just drift to which ever group happens to be short. It’s rare that someone would come over to me to find out the ‘news’, the ‘craic’ or whatever. It’s still lonely.

I’ve decided to change my career, to get me more involved with people & well, to move into something that I can see myself still being in in a very long time. This will take a very long time & a huge amount of effort, discipline & studying on my part. The more I think about what I’ve to accomplish, the more impossible it appears to be. I’m really getting downbeat about it.
This is also leading to my isolation. I’m constantly stuck in the books, in my room. No one knows about it (except my bf), because there’s such a high risk of failure that I don’t want people knowing. Again, this leaves me very isolated.

I have been a bit to blame with my friends, as down through the years & prob even now to an extent, I’ve put my partners before them, so they had to find other people to socialise with, & so forgot about me. I now make a conscious effort to contact them & try & arrange night out with them, so I’m not always relying on my bf for company.

I’m not a horrible person, in fact, I’m pretty friendly & helpful, but I’m pretty shy. In fact, my self esteem is so low at the minute, that I generally feel that what I’ve to say isn’t important enough to say, or is uninteresting / unfunny, so I stay quiet.
Maybe this makes me seem stand offish, or boring, so people don’t bother with me that much.

So really, I’ve not that much to feel sorry about, yet I do feel sorry for myself.
Sorry for the long rant

LegacyUser

'you should write a diary

it would be therapeautic for you - just like writing this entry has been.

but really there's no issue here, life has it's ups and downs.

be more impulsive and you'll have more fun.'

LegacyUser

'You've got to focus on the positives you say you have a wonderful boyfriend and it sounds like he devotes most of his weekends to you, thats more than a lot of people have. Maybe you're the type of person who doen't like to be alone but spending time alone isn't so bad I know I often need to be alone in the evenings just to clear my head.
You say you have a well paid job yet live at home with a sibling you detest, maybe you should move out, without realising it the situation at home may be causing you to feel this way?
I have a lot of people I call friends who I see very little of, but thats life they may not think of me every sat night but that doesn't make them bad friends and I don't think it reflects their feelings about me either its just life, people settle down and their priorities change. I'm often the one to suggest nights out with my friends but I think this is because I'm almost the only single one now so I feel the loneliness, but this doesn't bother me as they're always glad of a girls night out.
As regards your career change start with small steps, it may be daunting but you'll be so glad you did it. my sister left a fairly well paid job a few years ago to train as a nurse she had to give up a lot to do it and I think she was the only one who wasn't scared but, it was the best thing she ever did her way of seeing it was "I've 40ish more years before I retire, I don't want to spend them dreading going to work every morning"
You have to start believing in yourself you have a lovely boyfriend who wouldn't be there if you were boring or uninteresting, maybe you need a job thats more sociable where you get to mix a bit more, feeling isolated within your job can't be very helpful when you're feeling like this.'

padser

tired&weary wrote:

I see him for a couple of hours mid week & most times on a Fri night. Normally then on Sat night & most of Sun. Apart from that, I’m sitting around looking for something to do to fill in the time till I see him again.

So to sum up you see him

Wed,
Fri,
Sat
and all day Sunday.

Thats four days out of seven?

Assuming you work mon to fri (from your post this seems likely) that means you see him two evenings of the 5 that you are working.

You go training and to games 2/3 times a week. Ill assume at least one of these is a weeknight.

This means most weeks you are doing thing 3 out of the 5 nights of the week and all weekend.

Thats a pretty active life

Anti

im sorry, i just dont see the point of this rant. You seem to have a good life, whats the problem ?

Crumble Froo

i can understand where youre coming from, OP... i have to admit, im a pretty shy, rather private person, and for a long time, i felt much like youre describing here.

admittedly, as well as depression, i had an issue that ended up requiring me to go to therapy, and since then, particularly over the last two years, i have completely blossomed, found myself as a person, and actively sought out ways to achieve the feelings i desire (eg, friendship, fitness, health, job, peace, relaxation)...

fair play to you for going back to your sports, its a good step, though as far as people coming to you goes..., have you considering going to other people... swallow your shyness for two minutes, and *you* initiate the conversation... youve got to remember, at your age and stage, most people have well established close friends... its probably nothing personal against you that they arent coming to you first, its just habitual. it's up to you to take the initiative.

i know one good friend of mine, ive known basically all my life, and its only in the last 6months we've actually become good friends... we'd always end up ath the same parties, ahd a lot of the same friends etc, just never went any further than that though, till me, being my not-entirely-socially-good-at-saying-stuff-conventially or something, ended up saying something odd like 'ya know, i think youre a pretty cool person, and we seem to get on grand whenever we *do* chat, we should totally hang out more or something...

talk about settin yourslef up for gettin shot down, but well, like i said... really good friend now

just be you, and look for opportunities, dont wait for them to come find you.

another piece of advice that worked really well for a friend of mine who wasnt happy with teh way their life in general was going was 'write down three goals in the short term (less than 1year) and three in the long term that you want to achieve, discuss them with someone you trust and get them to help you and support you while you take the necessary steps to acheive them.'

blah, sorry if thats a bit rambly... but hopefully it helps, in some way.. at some point...

BeardyGit

Your post shows you're focused on yourself, and that's a healthy enough thing, when moderated. Throughout your post though, you continually dismiss others - Your siblings, friends, work mates etc., for various reasons....And appear to think it's okay to do so.

My very best friends are my brothers and workmates. If I carried on the way you do, shunting their importance in my life and so on, I might be here having a whinge about being lonely too. I'm not being mean. You obviously have the wherewithall to fix this one easily. So get off your arse and do it. Don't over analyse this - It's not complicated.

So, why don't you stop feeling sorry for yourself and go show those other people on the periphery of your self importance that you actually give a toss. You might find that in a few months you won't be feeling all moany about being lonely.....

Twinkle-star15

First off, ignore that you feel lonely and neglected. If you so much as think about thinking negatively, say something like 'stop being silly!' (nothing strong, you're not putting yourself down).

Force yourself to talk to new people, or even old people: stupid little conversations about anything, then stop them before you get into awkward silences.

Organise things for you and your friends to do- things don't happen on their own, and your guarrenteed an invitation if you organise it .

Don't compare yourself to others like 'Oh they've got so many friends, it must be because of x, y and z, I wish I could be like that'.

Concentrate on your own friends, your boyfriend and other things you like. Don't think 'Oh, I've only x number of friends, I'm so pathetic'. Project yourself as warm and caring.

Sorry that's so long lol. I know what you're going through, I was the same.