The Top Ten Chuck Norris Facts:

DAVE_K

01 Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

02 Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.

03 Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting infers the
probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.

04 If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck
Norris you may be only seconds away from death.

05 Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and
unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was
finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his
soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and
admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every
second Wednesday of the month.

06 When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet
for Chuck Norris.

07 Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the
JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck Norris met all three bullets
with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer
amazement.

08 Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs
of life there.

09 They once made a Chuck Norris toilet paper, but it wouldn't take ****
from anybody.

10 A blind man once stepped on Chuck Norris' shoe. Chuck replied, "Don't
you know who I am? I'm Chuck Norris!" The mere mention of his
name cured this man blindness. Sadly the first, last, and only thing
this man ever saw, was a fatal roundhouse delivered by Chuck Norris.

Havo

Chuck Norris doesnt do push ups, he pushes the world down!

Mark Hamill

There's no such thing as extinction, just a list of animals Chuck Norris has alloweed to live.

Chuck Norris can slam revolving doors.

On a high school math test, Chuck Norris put down "Violence" as every one of the answers. He got an A+ on the test because Chuck Norris solves all his problems with Violence.

Chuck Norris can speak braille.

Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.

Chuck Norris' calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd; no one fools Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist.

Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

Chuck Norris' iPod came with a real charger instead of just a USB cord

SorGan

Chuck norris does not sleep...............He waits.:)

Valmont

Mark Hamill wrote:

Chuck Norris' iPod came with a real charger instead of just a USB cord

haha hadn't heard that one:D

It was once rumoured that Chuck Norris lost a fight to a pirate, but this turned out to be made up by Chuck himself in order to lure more pirates to him.

SorGan

Chuck Norris invented a language that incorporates karate and roundhouse kicks. So if you find Chuck Norris is kicking your ass, don't be offended or hurt,
he may be just trying to tell you he likes your hat.:D

Black Swan

Chuck Norris is only surpassed by his film choreographer.

O'Leprosy

VERY FUNNY. According to Wikipedia - " In late 2005, Norris became the object of an internet phenomenon known as Chuck Norris Facts, which document fictional, often absurdly heroic feats and characteristics about Norris himself.....Recently, on a show called "The Best Damn Sports Show, Period," he commented on 10 of them, with his favorite being: "They once tried to carve Chuck Norris's face into Mount Rushmore, but the granite wasn't hard enough for his beard ".

Colm_OReilly

Chuck Norris puts E before I at will.

Whizzo

If Chuck Norris ever had sex with a man, It was only because he ran out of women.

Superman wears Chuck Norris pyjamus

cowzerp

Chuck Norris facts
Facts

-Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

-Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

-Chuck Norris could have any woman he wants, but he has never had sex. He only masturbates because the only person good enough to have sex with Chuck is Chuck.

-Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting infers the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.

-Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.

-Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.

-If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.

-Chuck Norris can unscramble an egg.

-When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

-Chuck Norris' penis is so large that it actually warps the fabric of space-time. Indeed some physicists now theorise that the passage of time is mearly a byproduct of Norris' colossal erections. This is known as the "Chuck Norris' big cock theory of space-time".

-Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life there.

-President Bush DID have a sure fire plan to end the war in Iraq, However Chuck Norris was busy that day.

-Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

-Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.

-The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.

-When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes ever.

-Chuck Norris sleeps with a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris

-As a teen Chuck Norris impregnated every nun in a convent tucked away in the hills of Tuscany. Nine months later the nuns gave birth to the 1972 Miami Dolphins, the only undefeated and untied team in professional football history.

-To prove it isn't that big of a deal to beat cancer. Chuck Norris smoked 15 cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and aquired 7 different kinds of cancer only to rid them from his body by flexing for 30 minutes. Beat that, Lance Armstrong.

-A blind man once stepped on Chuck Norris' shoe. Chuck replied, "Don't you know who I am? I'm Chuck Norris!" The mere mention of his name cured this man blindness. Sadly the first, last, and only thing this man ever saw, was a fatal roundhouse delivered by Chuck Norris.

-Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck Norris

-Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer.

-They once made a Chuck Norris toilet paper, but it wouldn't take **** from anybody.

-Chuck Norris has to use a stunt double when he does crying scenes.

-If Chuck Norris is late, time better slow the **** down.

-Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.

-Chuck Norris was the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby Jesus the gift of "beard". Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other Wisemen, jealous of Jesus' obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence to have Chuck omitted from the Bible. Shortly after all three died of roundhouse kick related deaths.

-Chuck Norris appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Norris replied, "That's no glitch."

-Someone once tried to tell Chuck Norris that roundhouse kicks aren't the best way to kick someone. This has been recorded by historians as the worst mistake anyone has ever made.

-The jackhammer was invented after a construction worker saw Chuck Norris having sex.

conor rowan

chuck norris always has sex with 2 women, he uses 1 as a condom

Black Swan

In film Chuck is known as the Grand Master of Retakes... He ends up with more than everyone else! Scene one, take 86.

Jesus Wept

Chuck Norris once visited The Vigin Islands

They are since refererred to as 'The Islands'

Blue_Lagoon wrote:

In film Chuck is known as the Grand Master of Retakes... He ends up with more than everyone else! Scene one, take 86.

This is only because he is so mesmorising, and the crew keep messing up the shooting.

PADRAIC.M

Superman and flash had a race around the world, who won? CHUCK NORRIS


Chuck Norris has a house alarm in his house, not to warn Chuck Norris of intruders but to warn intruders of Chuck Norris..

Black Swan

Chuck is really famous in film for being the grandfather of slo mo (except when he does a kick, they do not have to slow the film down cause that's his actual speed!).