Advise

LegacyUser

I really need some advice on this I hope someone can help. Have been friends with this guy for at least 5 yrs. We started going out at the start but this fizzled out his decision during this time if he sees me getting chatted up in pub/club he always makes his way over to put a stop to it but still doesnt want me.

Anyway a couple of weekends ago I was out and met his mates in the pub (he wasnt there) I ended up kissing one of them and met up with him twice since. But last weekend I got a phone call from the other guy who had just found out he wasnt too pleased. We had a huge row and was terrible upset. He told me that I would get a name for myself and when I told him that it was him that I wanted but he had no interest in me he told me that he loved me but didnt have time (due to work reasons) and it wouldnt be fair on me. He said he may change his mind but at the moment that was how he felt. I really love this guy and we are the best of friends (with a little bit extra now and again. last time we were together was one year ago and I havent slept with anyone since) We have spoke a few times during the week but has been kind of strained and havent mentioned the situation.

I havent heard from his mate since and I really dont know weather I am coming or going. Your comments would be appreciated especially from guys because I really do think men are from mars!!!

Beruthiel

subline wrote:

I He told me that I would get a name for myself

And you told him that is was none of his business I hope.

he told me that he loved me but didnt have time (due to work reasons) and it wouldnt be fair on me. He said he may change his mind but at the moment that was how he felt.

:rolleyes:
Seriously yanking your chain here.
He want's his cake and eat it.
I personally wouldn't wait around for someone who can't make up his mind what he wants.
I suggest you get on with your life and tell him if he changes his mind then let you know but until then you're going to be living the life of a single woman and all that entails. Then go do that and enjoy yourself.
Life is too short for mind games.

Marksie

Beruthiel wrote:

He want's his cake and eat it.

Actually he doesn't want his cake, apart from the odd nibble , but no one else is going to eat it either.

Serious control freak to be honest, he is really headgaming you.

Listen bottom line is... don't bother with him in bed or even as your friend..

Dont dat his mate, too damn incetuous... go out live it up and if he comes over next time tell him where to go

LegacyUser

Yea but what if I really love him...

Its not that easy to move on I have tried just having met anyone that I have really clicked like I do with him.

x Purple Pawprints x

Sounds as if he's messing with your head. He doesn't want you and no-one else can have you either. If I were you I'd tell him to mind his own business. It's his loss.

Marksie

subline wrote:

Yea but what if I really love him...

Then you are going to get hurt.

You are being hurt already and he has you wrapped around the finger.

Kell

subline wrote:

Yea but what if I really love him...

Then tell him to shít or get off the pan.

Does sound like a total fúckwit though. How on earth do you put up with sticking their nose in where its not wanted?

If it werent for the fact that I would be accused of advocating violence, I'd would have said that a swift kíck to the testicles would have been in order by now.

K-

Mighty_Mouse

he loved me but didnt have time (due to work reasons) and it wouldnt be fair on me. He said he may change his mind but at the moment that was how he felt. I really love this guy

Making a complete muppet out of yourself by having anything to do with this bloke.
I really hope nobody knows the details of the situation cos you really dont look good here to tolerate this kinda crap.

Advice: tell him you dont want him in your life anymore. Tell him things are too messy and its just too embarassing to have him hounding away blokes you meet on a night out.
Tell him he;s had his chance but its over. As friends & as everything.

At the end of the day. do you want this bloke as a friend when he behaves like this? Calls you a slapper?




Then if he's really interested he will come running. If not at least you get to move on PROPERLY. Which you cant do when there is constant contact with you ex.

Mighty_Mouse

he loved me but didnt have time (due to work reasons) and it wouldnt be fair on me. He said he may change his mind but at the moment that was how he felt. I really love this guy

Making a complete muppet out of yourself by having anything to do with this bloke.
I really hope nobody knows the details of the situation cos you really dont look good here to tolerate this kinda crap.

Advice: tell him you dont want him in your life anymore. Tell him things are too messy and its just too embarassing to have him hounding away blokes you meet on a night out.
Tell him he;s had his chance but its over. As friends & as everything.

At the end of the day. do you want this bloke as a friend when he behaves like this? Calls you a slapper?




Then if he's really interested he will come running. If not at least you get to move on PROPERLY. Which you cant do when there is constant contact with you ex.

LegacyUser

Kell thanks for that. You made me laugh when I read your post in a week that there hasnt been many...

Caliden

If he really loved you he would make time for you no matter what. He is just using excuses because you seem to have coped with the breakup better than him and he is a bit upset.

He doesn't want you but he doesn't want anyone else to want you either. Talk to him face to face and ask him if he really loves you, if he does then get him to prove it and make time for you. Otherwise he is just leading you on so he has something to fall back on. You're his plan B girl.

jdivision

Sounds like somebody with a serious jealousy issue

BaZmO*

I know a girl that was in a similar situation as the OP and was treated like this for years and I mean YEARS!! He just wanted to string her a long just enough to keep her interested but not enough so that they'd be considered partners. Totally messed with the girls head. And unfortunately the only reason why he got away with it for so long was that she allowed him to get away with it.

I know it's not the advice you want to hear but you really have to break contact with him and forget about him romantically otherwise you'll go insane. You've told him how you feel and he's not interested, don't waste your time on him. Saying "I don't have time for a relationship" is just nonsense. He doesn't have time for the relationship but he has time for being a "friend" with benefits and also has time for interfering with any potential partners that you might make.

The bottom line is that he wants a Fúck Buddy but also wants to make sure that you're exclusively his without him having to commit. I suppose he is right in a way about you getting a name for yourself, if you let this continue the name you'll get is "Fool".

muppetkiller

Bazmo has it spot on me thinks

davyjose

subline wrote:

Yea but what if I really love him...

Its not that easy to move on I have tried just having met anyone that I have really clicked like I do with him.

Do you think he loves you. Work reasons is not very romantic is it? Not exactly Romeo and Juliet. Trust me, if he wanted you, he'd go for it. This guy doesn't love you - take time, get over him and move on.

You haven't met anyone, because he's there to screw it up!

Tea drinker

You're not attracted to Aholes by any chance?
What a statement:
I love you, but I don't have time right now.
... I haven't had the time for the last FIVE YEARS, but I've gone out of my way to take 5 years of meeting people, having fun getting to know guys.
This guy is sick and stealing your life.
He's not from mars, he's from hell.:D

I think you know perfectly well why you hitched up with one of his mates. Crunch time!