Buncha Funnies

Hagar

The husband was angry when he found out that his wife had been cheating on him. He shouts at her, "I will play second fiddle to no one!". The wife replies, "Second fiddle? With your little flute you
are lucky you are still in the band!"
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A woman goes into a restaurant in a small southern town out in the country. She orders the fried chicken and starts to eat. Eating too fast, she chokes on a chicken bone.
Well, these two country boys in the next booth notice she is choking, and they get up and go over to help her. The first country boy drops his coveralls and bends over, and the second country boy starts licking his butt.
She pukes all over the place, dislodging the chicken bone from her throat. The country boy pulls his coveralls back up and says to the other excitedly, "You're right Billy Bob, that Hind-Lick Maneuver works like a charm."
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The famous Olympic skier Picabo Street (pronounced Peek-A-Boo) is not just an athlete....she is now a nurse. She has completed her RN training and is currently working at the Intensive Care Unit of a Denver hospital.
She is not permitted to answer the hospital telephones, however. It caused too much confusion when she would answer the phone and say "Picabo, ICU."

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It's a sunny morning in the big forest and the Bear family is just waking up. Baby Bear goes downstairs and looks at the table at his small bowl........... it is empty.
"Who's been eating my porridge?!!" he squeaks with all the fierceness he can muster.
Next, Papa Bear arrives at the scene, looks into his big bowl......... it is also empty.
"Who's been eating my porridge?!!" he roars and shakes the house.
Mama Bear puts her head through the serving hatch from the kitchen and yells, "For heaven's sake, how many times do we have to go through this?"
It was Mama Bear who got up first. It was Mama Bear who woke up everyone in the house. It was Mama Bear who made the coffee. It was Mama Bear who unloaded the dishwasher from last night and put
everything away. It was Mama Bear who went out in the cold early morning air to fetch the newspaper. It was Mama Bear who set the table. It was Mama Bear who put the cat out, cleaned the litter box,
and filled the cat's water and food dish.
Mama Bear said, "Now that you've decided to drag your sorry selves downstairs and grace Mama Bear's kitchen with your grumpy presence, listen good, 'cause I'm only going to say this one more time - I
HAVEN'T MADE THE DAMN PORRIDGE YET!!!!!"

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And finally, Japanese scientists have created a camera with such a fast shutter speed they now can photograph a woman with her mouth shut.

Steve_o

Good good!!!!