Boyfriend Money Problems

LegacyUser

I have been going out with my boyfriend for 8 months. A few months ago he got a new job which is very well paid but requires him to send in invoices and do his own taxes.

He has been borrowing from me (little sums) and now it is over a grand. He seems to be broke all the time. I couldn't understand why and this weekend he told me that he JUST sent in an invoice for 30 grand.

He could have sent in invoices every week but 'too busy'. I am very angry with him.

He says I am being unreasonable but I think he has some sort of problem collecting money like he is too good to do it or something.

I am raging and want to know is this a psychological disorder or what.

Shelli

He obviously just very lax with his money, just make sure you get your money back, then next time he has no money and asks you for a loan, don't give it to him, tell him you don't have it, or that your spare money now goes into a savings account that you can't withdraw from....he'll soon learn to sort out his invoices and make sure he has his own money.

seamus

Obviously he wasn't that stuck for cash, if he can hold off on 30k

Many people, particularly when they first start out in business, or when they first start working for themselves, feel very uncomfortable around the issue of money. Billing other people, particularly when you've gotten to know them comfortably in a working environment, is something that's foreign to most of us. So a lot of people will avoid it, provided that they're not massively struggling. It can be embarrassing - "What if they argue that it's too much?", "Maybe it is too much, and they'll find someone else", "How do I justify it if challenged?".

I wouldn't be angry with him. It's something that he needs to get used to. Once he gets used to sending in regular invoices, it'll no longer bother him. His clients will like him too - companies prefer periodic invoices for small amounts, rather than random invoices for huge amounts.

Maybe try and give him a hand for a while - get him to sit down once a month, with you helping him out, work out what he's owed for the month, type up and print the invoice, and stick it in an envelope for him to look after. The prospect of a €2k invoice in his pocket at that point will be too much for him to put off.

Marksie

ConAboutBoy wrote:

I have been going out with my boyfriend for 8 months. A few months ago he got a new job which is very well paid but requires him to send in invoices and do his own taxes.

He has been borrowing from me (little sums) and now it is over a grand. He seems to be broke all the time. I couldn't understand why and this weekend he told me that he JUST sent in an invoice for 30 grand.

He could have sent in invoices every week but 'too busy'. I am very angry with him.

He says I am being unreasonable but I think he has some sort of problem collecting money like he is too good to do it or something.

I am raging and want to know is this a psychological disorder or what.

I am unsure whether you are saying your b/friend has a psychological disorder or are talking about your reaction to be honest.

The simple answer is to lend him no more money until what he owes has been paid off.
Did you ask him why he doesn't do this regularly?
Have you offered to help if he simply doesn't like doing it?

The fact you claim to be raging and think he has some type of psychological disorder make me belive that he may be saying the way you are reacting is unreasonable.

I suggest you step back and calm down, you will obtain absolutely no benefit by being this angry.

Miss Fluff

ConAboutBoy wrote:

I am raging and want to know is this a psychological disorder or what.

Is that a serious question?

hottstuff

OP: i think you need to send him an invoice and add the 21% VAT too!!!

Kernel32

seamus wrote:

Obviously he wasn't that stuck for cash, if he can hold off on 30k

Many people, particularly when they first start out in business, or when they first start working for themselves, feel very uncomfortable around the issue of money. Billing other people, particularly when you've gotten to know them comfortably in a working environment, is something that's foreign to most of us. So a lot of people will avoid it, provided that they're not massively struggling. It can be embarrassing - "What if they argue that it's too much?", "Maybe it is too much, and they'll find someone else", "How do I justify it if challenged?".

I wouldn't be angry with him. It's something that he needs to get used to. Once he gets used to sending in regular invoices, it'll no longer bother him. His clients will like him too - companies prefer periodic invoices for small amounts, rather than random invoices for huge amounts.

Maybe try and give him a hand for a while - get him to sit down once a month, with you helping him out, work out what he's owed for the month, type up and print the invoice, and stick it in an envelope for him to look after. The prospect of a €2k invoice in his pocket at that point will be too much for him to put off.

I agree with all of this. Over the years I have worked for myself as a consultant, worked in regular employement and done both at the same time. I have always been bad at tracking my time and getting invoices out. The main reason is that I am simply too busy working. You do also question if you are delivering the value you said you would when you bill. I don't worry about that anymore but I did early on.

As seamus said, try and help him with it and help him organize it better. It took me years to get to a point of being able to track time well and generate invoices or timesheets at the click of a button.

LegacyUser

But surely we work to earn money. working and not charging is just stupid.

BaZmO*

I think the bigger issue here is that you're only going out with someone for 8 months and they've already borrowed €1000 from you. I'd have problems asking a family member for that amount of money, nevermind someone that I was only just going out with.

Is he going to give you your money back when he gets paid? I'd hope so.