Disconnected

LegacyUser

I'll cut to the chase. I've always been the shy lad who enjoyed company of friends but was very hesistant with new people. I enjoyed school and my grades were good. However over the past year I've lost all motivation for my academic life. I'm currently studying in an Irish university, and I'm counting the days to summer. I'll take any excuse to skip class. I procrastinate and leave everything to the last minute. Despite this I'm scraping by. I've also lost all motivation for my pastimes, I've become incredibly lazy yet can't get up off my ass to change that. In uni I don't talk to anyone. Not because I'm too shy, but because I simply don't want to. I've always hated small talk. Yes I know the weather is nice, I have eyes! I want to be alone. It's easy to put on a happy face around my friends and pretend all is well, but inside I just feel disconnected from the world. I sometimes feel like my body is a seperate being and no matter how I think I ultimately can't change anything. I'm disgusted by society today, every day the news brings more filth. I don't see the point in getting my degree and securing that 9-5 spot for the next 50-odd years, I don't want that at all. I feel like I don't belong anywhere

What I'd really like to know is, is this a phase everyone goes through? I've been depressed before and I know how that feels, but this is different. It's almost as if over the past few years my energy and lust for life has been quenched totally...

loismustdie

hi, hope this is of osme help to you but as i'm sure you know it's a difficult thing to advice on since i don't know you.

personally speaking, i wouldn't think it's an actual phase people go through but i have felt like that certain days or for a few hours, but yours seems longterm. you don't like small talk but you wouldn't like it if someone just came up and asked you personal questions either, small talk is how relationships are formed so you might need to make more of an effort.

try think of reasons why you should be happy, hopefully you can, anything at all?

if you're not happy with your life change it. you say the bad stuff on the news upset you as it does most people at times. you could go to a country for a year and do charity work, it will definitely change your point of view on things and turn your life around.

you say you were depressed before. not meaning to doubt you but a lot of people think they're depressed just because they feel down. are you sure you're actually depressed, have you talked aboput it to anyone?

either way, it's pivitol that you change your life and way of thoughts, you onlly have one shot at life, what kind of person do you want to be?

Icequeen

Genuine question, is there something that if you really, honestly think about it is the exact reason you feel like this that you haven't said? if there is say it, nobody here is judgemental (well for the most part) and you're anonomous so it's ok. Feelings like this are usually the product of dispair (for lack of a better word) of a larger problem that we feel like we have no control over at all or never will.

Ausdubliner

Not sure if this is any help.

I would agree that everyday brings new lows in humanity, however, it also brings new moments to savour!

Maybe you should take some time to experience the world outside your current surrounds. Have you travelled? It is easy to find yourself in a rut and maybe seeing a bit of the world will help you find a love for life again. The world is an amazing place.....

aye

you have a couple of choices here.
you either go to councellor to find out why you are depressed. this may indeed help.
or if you dont want to do that, after your exams travel for the summer and get some new perpective. you dont have to stay in ireland forever if its not for you!
maybe you chose to the wrong course to do in college which is why you arent interested. hence you realise that you could be doing it everyday for the rest of your life, hence depression. if you dont like it change the course to something you like, even if the career is less money. as you say you are going to be working for 40 years of your life, do you realy want it to be in something you dont like?

Amandy

Don't know wrote:

I feel like I don't belong anywhere

What I'd really like to know is, is this a phase everyone goes through? I've been depressed before and I know how that feels, but this is different. It's almost as if over the past few years my energy and lust for life has been quenched totally...

Hiya

I sypathise with how you're feeling. I've been going through similar feelings for a long time and mine have escalated recently due to a bereavement. It may be a bout of depression you're going through even though you say it feels different now. Why? Is it because you feel totally deflated, is it the heaviest you ever felt, why different? Maybe like some of the other boards members have said, you didn't suffer from depression in the past, you just felt down and now you've got depression and that's very different.
Sometimes, if you are prone to depression things can happen to trigger a spell of it. I'm in my thirties now and since the loss of my Dad since late last year I've started to talk to some counsellors and a psychiatrist to help work things out because since then a lot of old feelings of despair resurfaced and my family are at each others throats and sometimes I really just feel like throwing in the towel.You may feel so desperate or in despair right now that you just think that it won't help you atall, it won't make any difference - because I thought that too, that is a cruel part of depression symptoms, they are a vicious circle of feeling helpless and like you will never feel like you're in the right place, doing the things that will make you happy, and no matter what you do it will never make a difference. I just forced myself to go and talk, I just thought, well, if it doesn't work, I'll still just be in the same position anyway so what have I got to lose? I feel those things you speak of a lot, however I feel I'm a good person with a lot to give and I deserve to be happy so I'm trying to find a better way to go on. It's going to take a long time, I know that, but it's not a race anyway, and I'm just glad I decided to give myself a chance. I would say give yourself some time, and know that even though you may feel like you're the only one going through it, that a lot of the faces you see passing you by have felt alone and disconnected at some stage. Don't give up - a good book about different ways of looking at things is " Learned Optimism" by M Segilman (available from Amazon). It's not stereotypical, over gushing or patronising self help that you find a lot from self help books, this guy is a very logical, intelligent, seriously knowledgable mentor on how people think and tick...it's clever stuff - best of luck with your journey, hope it starts becoming more enjoyable soon.