Starting all over again

LegacyUser

Hey folks, just wondering if people could give me some advice here if they can spare a few minutes. Thanks.

Im 19 years old and in my first year of college. However, I havent enjoyed it at all (I attribute this mostly to the location - it was a backup choice that I shouldnt have followed through on when I didnt get my #1 choice). I had loads of friends in secondary school, but when school ended, I fell out with one of them in a bit of a major row. Now, a lot of my other friends went to the same college as this fellow and dont seem to talk to me much anymore because of this. But I was happy with the few friends that came to the college I was going to - about 4 or 5 people I knew from secondary school. I know it isnt much, but I thought id make loads of new friends in college aswell. But, well, I havent. I dont know why to be honest. I tried - I know I can be very shy but I thought I was making friends until I noticed a lot of cliques and groups forming and I wasnt really in any of them. As well as this, my other friends from secondary school seem to have gained loads of new friends and rarely talk to me anymore (they are in different courses so I know its difficult - I dont blame them whatsoever). On top of all this, im not happy with the course Ive chosen so Ive decided to quit college at the end of the year and either move to another college (although theres a slim chance of this due to entry restraints) or the more realistic option of getting a job.

At 19 however, I cant really see myself making many friends who I can go out with or who have similar interests in any job I get (im looking for an office job as I have good IT skills). I cant see there being many people my age in office jobs - I really dont think Id fit in with an older crowd. I dont drive either, so joining clubs and groups etc. is hard because I live a couple of miles from the nearest town.

I really feel like Ive wasted the last year, and because of it, I now have no real close friends (i should mention i have a girlfriend who I love very much - its a blissfully happy relationship, but also a long distance one).

Anything I can do to improve things perhaps? thanks for reading

Dudess

Two words: DON'T WORRY!!! I can't stress that enough. You are only 19 - nothing is wasted. Some people, because of transition year, repeating a year, whatever, only end up leaving school at 19. My advice would be to definitely start a new course in the autumn. Look into it immediately. From the impression you give with your writing style, you're clearly very articulate and intelligent. You're worried about the last year being a complete waste - ridiculous. Not continuing with your education would be the waste. For God's sake, don't get some soul-destroying office job. You're too young for that. In fact, I did that at 20 and I don't let myself sit around and regret it, but in all honesty, I do. I went back and completed my education at 23 - only finished it last year at 28. I'm delighted I did it and it's the way things were meant to be, but a part of me wishes I had done it a few years younger. But anyway, can't be helped and life is still good.
Back to yourself though: if you know what course you want to do next autumn but there are CAO constraints, maybe do a one-year PLC course in something of interest to you. Or, and it's a horrible thought I know but I'll say it anyway, what about repeating the leaving? For the sake of one year?
Bottom line though: the world's your oyster. Have more faith in yourself and work on your confidence. You'll have no probs making friends then. Best of luck.

LegacyUser

Mate...

Save this post, and look at it in a few years when you're surrounded by people you never thought you'd meet, who'd suddenly become your best mates in the world, you'll allow yourself a little chuckle at it..

Take me for example, I think I consider 1, maybe 2 people that I went to secondary school with, "close friends". Everyone else important to me I've met later on in life.

Dont fret about it..

im_invisible

hey, dont worry about it, im currently dropping out of college for the second time, and have wasted the last 7 years of my life, but i had fun doing it... i thint ive come to the realisation that college isnt for me, and im waiting to see what ill do next, dont worry about it, youll be fine.

Icequeen

Diddo on what dudess said, you're only 19 and making way to much out of it

davyjose

im_invisible wrote:

hey, dont worry about it, im currently dropping out of college for the second time, and have wasted the last 7 years of my life, but i had fun doing it... i thint ive come to the realisation that college isnt for me, and im waiting to see what ill do next, dont worry about it, youll be fine.

No offence, but I can't see how this post would be of any comfort to the OP.

im_invisible

it wasnt really meant to be comforting, it was more 'hey, there are people in worse situations than you, and theyre not too worried about it, so why should you be?'

Dudess

OP, as we're all saying, really don't worry about it. I know it's a problem to you and I respect that, but the title of your thread, "Starting all over again" - I thought you were well into your 20s at least. You're still at the "starting" stage. There's no "all over again" about it.

marie_85

OP, Seriously don't worry! I'm nearly 22, and dropped out of college when I was 19, just shortly into my second year. I then spent two years working in a bank before returning to college last September.

I could see the two years in the bank as a waste of time, or I could see them as two years in which I learned something about myself, made friends and got time to think about how I wanted my life to turn out. As a result, when I returned to college, I was focussed on what I wanted out of it. I'm now a lot happier than when I was in college the first time around, I'm doing a course that I really enjoy and I feel like I'm in college for the right reasons, not because its 'what you do' when you finish school.

What I'm trying to say is don't worry! Go back to college next September, or go travelling for a while or spend a year or so working while you sort out your own head and decide exactly what it is YOU want to do with your own life.

PeakOutput

im 21 and going to college in september

iv done two years studying the area i like and iv worked in loads of different jobs and now im going to colelge to get a degree in something that will get me a nice salary.sure it will be wierd being with 17/18yr old school leavers but **** it i wana have a laugh just as much as them so im sure we will get on fine....if i were u id go back to college to do something else but at 19 you have plenty of time to decide so dont be stressing

Miguel_Sanchez

Seriously don't worry. You are only 19 and you can learn a lot from times like this.

I wasted my whole year when I was 19 - arsed around doing nothing for a few months got a couple of different jobs and ended up living and working at home. It took me another 3 years to get my **** together and go to college but I couldn't be happier with how things have turned out for me.

Deciding to finish out the year is smart - it always looks better to another college that you finished the year instead of just dropping out. Have a serious think about what you would like to do in college and go for it - even if you don't have the points to get in you could think about working for a few years and then reapplying as a mature student - the same application criteria doesn't apply to mature students so low points in the leaving wouldn't be too much of a problem.

Try not to let not having a lot of friends worry you. If you're not enjoying your course it can be difficult making friends too as you're not in great form at lectures, around college etc. Most people drift away a bit from secondary school friend when they grow up - it's not a bad thing at all. You'l probably keep a few as close friends but you will make many more in the years ahead, be it in college or in the work place.

Visit your girlfriend a bit and enjoy your time with her - but also take some time to yourself and try to picture where you would like to be in a few years - don't worry though if you're not sure. You're only 19 - you're not expected to have everything figured out just yet.

Good luck and keep the head up - the best years of your life are ahead of you, honestly. Your twenties will be great.

LegacyUser

thanks for the words of encouragement folks, I really hope things work out as you predict although I know I'll have to have some influence on how they do work out. Its probably the negativity coming from my current situation thats making my future look a bit bleak but sure ill see how it goes.

Elessar

It's a good idea to wait out the year, finish it and see what you think. Don't make a rash decision. I'm 21, finished college and all...but during the second year of my course I really wanted to drop out as I was not enjoying the college experience. However I knew that would be a complete waste so I stuck it out and came through with a Diploma in the end. (Now it means little to me because I will not be working in that area at all, so the whole thing probably was a big waste..)

Anyway my point is, I am now working in a soul-destroying office job and let me tell you, I am wasting my life. Don't do what I am doing. Everyone is either married, getting married, or nearly 30 or pregnant, and I am the youngest - it is impossible to make friends - I have nothing in common with these people (and don't want to tbh!). You will absolutely waste your youth and potential if you go into something like this because you don't like college. Stick it out. Go to the college counsellor. You'll never get another socialising opportunity quite like college - whether you like it or not.

AngryBadger

Yeah everything that's been said already man. Heading off to college is a massive change. Most of your friends are probably in similar circumstances, and remember when you go back for second year (which I think you should, ut obviously it's up to yourself), you'll find you have tonnes of new chances to get to know people, you'll be more comfortabl with thigns because you know the lay of the land, ad stuff will just get easier.

I'd be inclined to look up all your secondary school mates over the holidays. Text the lot of them, and if they don't respond immediately give them the odd call or whatever. They'll all be feeling the same and be glad to hear from you. guarantee it!

Tails142

Very few people end up in college with people they went to secondary school with. I went to school in Dublin and there's nobody from my secondary school year in my college DIT Bolton St - though maybe that's to do with the fact that DIT is split into many places unlike UCD/Trinity.

Anyway, I hardly went into college in first year, just enough to pass and I didnt really have any friends. Second year I attended more but I really had to put myself out there to make friends in order to get notes and stuff Anyway I took a year out after second year...

I wasnt sure if I was doing the right course and was a bit discouraged with whole college thing. I worked in an office for a few months and it was so soul destroying I wasnt working at something I was interested in and I was basically working as a bum with no prospect for moving up the ladder.

Lets just say that I got my arse back into college and now with less than a month before I get my degree I have to say I'm loving it. Also - I made loads of friends in college, none of whom I knew before, even in first and second year (because of the year out)... just go out and get drunk!!

I am a bit discouraged that now I have to throw the party lifestyle away and begin a 9 to 5 career but on the other hand I am very excited to begin working at something that I have realised I've a great interest in.

So I dunno... stay in college?