I have a boyfriend... so is it ok to go and stay with another dude...?

LegacyUser

I'm supposed to be going to another county tomorrow to visit a guy friend and go to a gig. I like the band playing+ they invited me. However, I'm going out with someone for the last number of months, who I really adore. I invited my bf, but he said he couldn't go because he didn't have any money (despite somewhere free to crash+ being on the guestlist to the gig). I was asking other friends too... but everyone's broke. So here's the problem... do I go up on my own+ stay with this guy friend of mine... I've only known him since last summer and we do get on really well... to be honest, I think there is a bit of a spark there. I would never do anything to hurt my boyfriend, I'm 100% sure of that... but I'm just thinking is it right... for me to go+ stay on this dudes couch?... + I also just got results from a doctor and should be taking it easy.

I don't want my boyfriend to think I'm pathetic, not going if he's not.
The whole test results/ infection + having to take it easy etc, are a good way out of it.
I don't know if my boyfriend would appreciate me not going and staying with this guy.
Maybe I should just go and have fun... (I'm always slightly scared, that if I'm going out with someone and get on really well with another guy.. if that other guy would ever try anything, I'd feel So guilty, even though I wouldn't have done anything wrong).

Any ideas on what I should do would be helpful. Thank you.

Fanny Cradock

It's hardly an original question, but would you be happy if your BF was going to spend the night with someone he had a spark with?

It sounds like you are talking yourself out of it. Good idea, imo, as you going by yourself could send out the wrong signals to your BF and the other guy!

LegacyUser

Thanks for the reply. Since I posted this... I decided to give my boyfriend a call. I tried to persuade him to go one last time+ then asked him if it was cool for me to stay with this guy, I don't know very very well, but is sound out. He said it was. + He told me to have a good time. (If it was the other way around, + if he was going to stay with a girl, I'd tell him it was 'cool'... and trust him... but would secretely be a bit jealous).

I texted him, just saying thanks+ alot of guys would be annoyed if their gf was going to a gig with another guy and staying at his house+ that I'm glad he's cool about it
He didn't reply.

About this 'spark' between me+ the other guy... I haven't seen him in a while, so no idea if it's still there, but I trust myself completely that I wouldn't do anything. I think I was more worried about how my boyfriend would react to me going up... but he's told me it's cool... + don't guys usually say what they mean...

Chinafoot

If this guy is your friend and you can honestly say nothing will happen then what's the problem?

If you can't say that it will be purely platonic then don't go.

aidan_walsh

You're sleeping on his couch, not on him. I don't see what the problem is if you're sure you wouldn't do anything to hurt your boyfriend.

Caliden

As long as it's not in the same bed as him I don't see the problem.

Attol

Just don't get too drunk and into a position where your judgement may be made cloudy if you are attracted to this guy. Also I think it may be cruel to keep talking about it to your boyfriend. If he is uncomfortable then talking about it constantly may just cause tensions. That may be why he didn't text back? To be honest if I went to the house of someone I had a spark with while with someone else I think that would be kind of silly. It's not fair on him and I'm sure you'd be uncomfortable with him going to a girl's house for a sleepover if he fancied her. If you and your bf are close he can probably tell somethings up from how dodgy you feel about the whole situation.

Isobel

Unreg396 wrote:

I've only known him since last summer and we do get on really well... to be honest, I think there is a bit of a spark there. I would never do anything to hurt my boyfriend, I'm 100% sure of that... but I'm just thinking is it right... for me to go+ stay on this dudes couch?... .

OK out of this statment I get that you love your BF and wouldn't iniciate anything with the friend but are you sure your friend wouldn't? If he does how are you going to deal with it? as you said there is a spark there so he (the friend) may be under the mistaken impression that something will happen and might try.

rondeco

I bet you didn't tell your fella there is a spark between this bloke and you...

LegacyUser

'No I didn't tell my boyfriend about this spark between me and this guy... to be honest, I'm not even sure if it would be still there, as I haven't been hanging around with him. I can't exactly say to my bf... 'yeah, about that guy... there used to be/ is a bit of a spark... we get on really well!!!'.

If I do go... he said it was ok (well, of course he did.. he would hardly have said, 'no you can't go')
If I don't go... he will probably be thinking it's ridiculous that I didn't go because he didn't...

Would it be extremely stupid, to not go+ when my bf asks why, just be completely straight out and just say that I wasn't 100% comfortable with staying with this friend of mine on my own, as I think he might like me?'

Esel

Unreg396 wrote:

The whole test results/ infection + having to take it easy etc, are a good way out of it.

There you (don't) go!

LegacyUser

'Well, I've decided to have a life+ go. I know nothing will happen, so all is cool. Thanks for the replies'

dr.bollocko

Hmmmmm. Doesnt sound to me like nothing will happen. Excitement of gig + conspiratorial feeling with this guy as he will be at gig too + being away + STAYING AT HIS HOUSE + potentially hammered...... Just hope it doesnt add up to infidelity and guilt.
But we'll see I guess.

The Corinthian

This is sooooo going to end up in tears, TBH.

You know, my instinct is saying that if you had to ask the question in the first place there's probably a problem...

Tails142

as long as your boyfriend knows no bother

if I was him though I would be super suspicious, possibly even follow you down and stalk you. But that's just the kinda guy I am...

your best bet is when you get back from the weekend say how ****e it is and what a prick that guy turned out to be, nothin like how you get treated by your bf, will make him feel better.

justsomebloke

ye I have to agree with the last Dr and Cor. You seem to be talking about this other guy a little 2 much, that coupled with the excitment of the weekend added with drink will probably lead to you posting another PI thread come the end of the weekend and not for good reasons

Tails142

also dont cheat on him obviously, cause he'll find out... I always find out...

LegacyUser

Just after I posted saying I was going... I suddenly decided not to. To be honest, I think it's the right decission. I seriously know nothing would ever happen, if I would have gone... the issue was more of, I have a boyfriend, is it fair to him (when he said he can't afford to go), to just head off... spend half the day with this friend of mine...just me+ him... go for a meal... go to the gig... drinking. I decided in the end, that it wasn't really on. I asked my bf if he was ok about it, but I shouldn't have. It was never his call to make. It was always mine. I don't want to jeoprodise what I've got with my bf. + Besides, his birthday is coming up+ I'm already fairly broke. I shall spend the money on him instead I think...
I'm just going to tell my bf, that I didn't think it was 100% right to go+ hang out with+ stay with this other guy.
Oh+ tonight, I might head out for just 1 drink+ invite my bf out too... doubt he'll come out being broke and all, but anyway.

Thanks everyone for your replies

Slutmonkey57b

If your BF won't go when he's not going to have to put his hand in his pocket, then don't beat yourself up over it. Tying yourself to the house because he won't go out wont do either of you any favours in the long run.

edanto

Unreg396 wrote:

I'm just going to tell my bf, that I didn't think it was 100% right to go+ hang out with+ stay with this other guy.

Do as you please, but don't use the 100% honest reason or your fella could feel a bit hurt. Like, don't make him feel that your reason for not going has much to do with him. How about telling him that it's stressing you thinking about going and you don't feel up to it, you'd rather do something with him some weekend?

Oh and for the record I defn'y would have gone, and been well behaved and had a blast!

Isobel

After reading your other thread and rereading this one I get the feeling that the reason your boyfriend doesn't care either way is because he doesn't care about you. If you go or not is up to you I won't advise on that anymore, it should be your choice but consider this, maybe it'd be a nice change to be around someone who actually has "a spark" for you. Don't know, just an observation. Do what you think is best for you, don't go because you have to but don't stay because of him. Make a choice for you for once

AnonoBoy

Isobel wrote:

After reading your other thread and rereading this one I get the feeling that the reason your boyfriend doesn't care either way is because he doesn't care about you. If you go or not is up to you I won't advise on that anymore, it should be your choice but consider this, maybe it'd be a nice change to be around someone who actually has "a spark" for you. Don't know, just an observation. Do what you think is best for you, don't go because you have to but don't stay because of him. Make a choice for you for once

Or maybe the reason he's saying he doesn't care is that he doesn't want her to feel like he's pressuring her one way or the other. He probably trusts her and so doesn't mind her staying in this guy's house - even if he would rather she stay the weekend at home with him he doesn't want to come across as a selfish guy and so is being cool and allowing her to have her fun without him getting in the way.

Your casting doubt on the whole nature of the boyfriend's feelings for the OP is a bit of a wild guess Isobel.

free2fly

AnonoBoy wrote:

Your casting doubt on the whole nature of the boyfriend's feelings for the OP is a bit of a wild guess Isobel.

Not necessarily AnonoBoy. Read her other thread. He told her he's not even sure if he still likes her.

OP - are you sure that you didn't use this to try to make him jealous, or get some kind of reaction from him? I wouldn't have asked you this if you hadn't posted those things in the other thread. Perhaps, even subconsciously, you were hoping that he would ask you not to go?

LegacyUser

So, what is wrong with having a friend ?
Even ... wait 4 it ... A MAN !!!!!!!

U have our permission to go - as long as U
don't roide the other guy then everything
should be hunky dory.

JohnMc1

Isobel wrote:

After reading your other thread and rereading this one I get the feeling that the reason your boyfriend doesn't care either way is because he doesn't care about you. If you go or not is up to you I won't advise on that anymore, it should be your choice but consider this, maybe it'd be a nice change to be around someone who actually has "a spark" for you. Don't know, just an observation. Do what you think is best for you, don't go because you have to but don't stay because of him. Make a choice for you for once

Maybe he doesn't want her crying about how "controlling" he is.

Cianos

Emm...just go! If you dont trust yourself to pass the weekend without incident, then thats more of an issue than a bit of temporary jealousy. If you can go, and come back to your bf after nothing happening with the other guy, then it will make your relationship stronger imo.

Icequeen

JohnMc1 wrote:

Maybe he doesn't want her crying about how "controlling" he is.

Take it to the beergut and baldie head forum ya ***** :rolleyes: :rolleyes: cause yeah men are always right :rolleyes:

dr.bollocko

You seriously misunderstand the BGRH forum and also underestimate its greatness. I cant have you badmouthing the best forum on boards.
**slap on the wrist**