Boyfriends Child

LegacyUser

Hi

I just wanted some opinions on this, I don't know if I'm being a cow or if I have a right to be upset. Anyway I'm with my boyfriend a few years and we live together we both have children from previous relationships at the moment my child is with with their dad and so I have a bit of free time all this week. He spends as much time as he can with his son including every weekend so we don't really get to do things together without a lot of planning. We haven't got to spend any quality time together in a while so we said we'd go into town later and have a look around and get something to eat, which I was looking forward to. He rang me in work earlier to say be ready we'll go as soon as you leave and seemed quite excited about the prospect of us going out.

Then he rang me back and said there had been a change of plan, he bumped into his boys mother earlier and went in to see him and he said he was just sitting in watching telly and he felt sorry for him so he asked to take him into town with us. I'm ashamed to say I was really disappointed when he rang to tell me this and I feel like not going at all now. I didn't want to spend the day with him and his son, we do that a lot between us with the kids already and he had him at the weekend, took him to the park/out for dinner already, I feel we really needed our own quality time together. I know he felt sorry for his son and hated to see him sitting in on a day like today, also the mother is a bit of a waster and doesn't really do much with him which leaves my boyfriend feeling really guilty which I do understand and was probably the reason he decided to take him.

My problem really is that everything seems to come before our relationship lately, having a child myself, I'd say that she comes before my boyfriend but I like to think that I make time for us as our relationship is important to me too. It was our 4 yr anniversary recently and we still haven't got around to celebrating that yet. I really feel disappointed that we can't go out with out his child today but I do really like his child and don't resent him at all. Am I just being a b**ch?

seamus

You're not being a bitch.

But you need to tell him this. You need to make it clear to him that you want some time together without the kids. It's the same strain that many couples feel, regardless of how they got their kids

You don't say how old the child is - is possible that you can bring the child out, drop him back to his mother's, and then go off and have a nice evening to yourselves?

kittenkiller

I don't think you're being unfair at all.
Tomorrow you should try to explain this to your boyfriend rationally.
Explain that this evening was important to you and that you'd really appreciate if the two of you could organise something special for yourselves.
If you don't feel like going, arrange something else and try to salvage your evening.

See how he reacts to it being spelt out to him rationally and nicely.

humanji

As Seamus said, you're not being a bitch. All couples need some time alone together (pardon the oxymoron ). Tell him that you think the two of you should spend some time together. As Seamus suggested, you could maybe drop the boy back early and spend the evening together, or if you can't, then you can try and organise something like a night out, or maybe a weekend away together.

The key is communication. You have to tell your bf if you want to spend time with just them, otherwise you'll just end up being disappointed when he doesn't realise (us men are thick ).

aye

no you're not being a bitch.
just normal actually.
i can imagine it must be difficult trying to get time together, so i would suggest making a commitment to going out this weekend maybe.

does his son not having any kids to hang out with instead of watching tv?
when i was young i was kicked outta the house for watching too much tv. told to go play football or do something.
can he not bring his son to a friend house over the weekend or something?

aye

humanji wrote:

(us men are thick ).

it's true!

BoozyBabe

As everyone else has said, you're not being a bitch.

BUT:- you did say you also put your daughter before him (nothing wrong with that, I also read your next sentence).
If you'd walked into your ex's house & saw your daughter sitting on the sofa looking really miserable, & you knew all you were doing later was going for a walk around town, wouldn't you love to take her so that she wouldn't be miserable?

That's all your bf was doing. Like all men (sorry men!!!), he didn't think.

I would tell him, that although you love his child to bits, every now & then you just want a bit of quality couple time.

Myself & partner don't have children, but he treats his god daughter as his own, & his sis takes advantage of this (she's a single parent, so wants/needs the break). She dumps the child on him every spare second he gets. His spare seconds are also the only time I get to see him & although I really really love the child, it gets tiring some times & I just want to scream at him that we're not looking after her this time because I want quality time.
(But then I know it'll make me seem like a spoilt brat, so I keep the mouth shut!!)
Can be infuriating at times though!

Carrigart Exile

Its been my experience that women expect men to accept their children and the fact that their children come first but get all het up when the man, who only gets to see his children occassionally, wants to put his child first for a change. You are, in my opinion, being a little selfish, he could argue we could go out during the week but we cannot because your kids are there. Just a little bit of perspective, that being said, it would be worth sitting down and telling that you both need to find non child time together, but that does not necessarily mean always his time with his child being affected.