Paranoid/lack of trust -relationship

LegacyUser

Similar to a topic posted before, a girl cheated on me i think it was twice in the second week, we werent at the gf/bf name stage back then and i had nothing to lose so i gave it another chance, one year on im still unable to trust her 100%, i always have doubts.
I am a paranoid person in general, so its really a grey area to wether its her fault or my neurotic disorder. Its been a year and nothing major has happened, shes fine.
I feel like its my inseurity, i look for reasons to pick slight fights and make my self look right, usually on nights out and i get really uneasy if she was to talk to another guy.
I noticed though i was totally relaxed in my last relationship but my previous one was fairly short , around 2 months so i didnt get enough time to care as much for the person.

Can i blame it on others past ? or is it me ?

Sorry, really a hazy topic.

davyjose

To be honest, I think it's all you. I have done it myself - in the very early pre-'going out' days, been with other people. It's probably just nerves or something(but your head does definitely be in a different place than when u do start going out). The thing is, she never cheated on you, so what's the problem?

LegacyUser

in fairness, i met her and we had been texting strongly for a week then we met up , cinema, food, parks ALOT of times, after a rigid get together of 2-3 weeks, she meets someone to get her ex jealous, then when i confront her i find out she had met another person another night i was out [WITH HER].

By saying we were not bf/gf i mean that we were going towards that stage, steadily. Just because youre not classed as one REALLY does not give you the option to go explore your desires.

I would definatley class that as cheating as would alot of people, at the stage. Just want to clear that. The problem is now, not getting over it.

free2fly

It sounds as if it is you. If she hasn't cheated on you in a year then you need to give her a break and stop picking fights with her over nothing. I know that it is difficult to get over someone cheating on you, but tbh she has earned your trust. You need to get past this.

humanji

As davyjose said, she never cheated on you. You weren't going out with her, you'd only met her a few times. If you still can't trust her then it might be time to end the relationship for her sake because it sounds like you are being a complete a-hole to her.

Miss Fluff

neurotic wrote:

we werent at the gf/bf name stage back then and i had nothing to lose so i gave it another chance, one year on im still unable to trust her 100%, i always have doubts.

WHY? She didn't cheat on you in the first place, you're completely contradicting yourself, you have said you weren't at the gf/bf stage.

Seriously, either cop on and get over it (nothing to actually get over imo) or put the poor unfortunate girl out of her misery and break up with her. You're punishing her for something she didn't do!

LegacyUser

Maybe they were in the kind of on/off scoring/dating stage....

Either way, resentment is a killer...u can forgive but never forget...

LegacyUser

'

Miss Fluff wrote:

WHY? She didn't cheat on you in the first place, you're completely contradicting yourself, you have said you weren't at the gf/bf stage.

Seriously, either cop on and get over it (nothing to actually get over imo) or put the poor unfortunate girl out of her misery and break up with her. You're punishing her for something she didn't do!

i didnt explain it properly in my first post. Read my second one.
IF youre seeing someone properly for around 3 weeks, i would assume you either stay dedicated or hit the road?
Not bf/gf at the stage means the stage where people dont want to class each other as one, incase they scare the other off.....'

LegacyUser

'

free2fly wrote:

It sounds as if it is you. If she hasn't cheated on you in a year then you need to give her a break and stop picking fights with her over nothing. I know that it is difficult to get over someone cheating on you, but tbh she has earned your trust. You need to get past this.

BTW thank you very much for this. Well said. Il try my best'

Mr. Incognito

She didn't cheat on you. Get over it or your jealousy will ruin your relationship.